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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have not offered any food with the wine?

253 replies

CosyDogs · 02/03/2024 16:34

One of my friends wanted to watch a fight on TV but had no subscription to the channel that it was on. I do have a subscription but have no interest in watching fights, however I said that he and his friend could come to my house at 7pm to watch it and we can drink wine together. They bought a bottle of wine and I also provided a bottle.

While the match was on, I was in the room, but was reading as I don't like to see people fight. I wasn't completely engrossed in the book and we did chat and drink the wine. When the fight was over, we played cards, talked and opened another bottle. During the evening, my friend asked if I had any chocolate and I went to the kitchen and got a medium bar of chocolate and gave it to them. I had a small amount of chocolate as I don't usually eat late in the evening and they had the rest. They didn't ask for any more food and it didn't occur to offer anything else. They left around 11pm.

The next day, when we were talking, they mentioned that it was strange that I didn't offer them any food. I would have happily fed them, but I had already had dinner and assumed they had too and I don't usually eat that late. It simply didn't occur to me to start eating. WIBU to not offer more food? I am worried that I'm missing some obvious social standard that everyone else adheres to and I've been being a poor host.

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 02/03/2024 17:56

YANBU but in his shoes I would suggest that I’d bring a pizza/snacks if you let them watch the channel again.

Isthatascratchonmygrandmother · 02/03/2024 17:57

Cheeky wee bastards.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 02/03/2024 18:02

It was certainly no more rude of you not to provide food than it was of them not to bring some, especially as they were using your house and tv to watch something they knew you weren't even interested in watching.

If good friends of mine were coming over for drinks, I absolutely would provide snacks. But good friends wouldn't ask to come round just to use my house to watch something I didn't want to watch!

Hankunamatata · 02/03/2024 18:04

They should have brought snacks if they wanted them

CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment · 02/03/2024 18:08

I think you were all technically wrong, they should have brought pizzas or offered to buy a takeaway because they invited themselves over, and you should have provided at the least some nibbles like dip or nuts/crisps.

Bit weird of them to pull you up on it too. Do you go to theirs too sometimes ?

DillDanding · 02/03/2024 18:11

I think it’s a bit weird to not even put out some crisps and nuts.

Pardonnezmoimadame · 02/03/2024 18:13

LovedmyRaleighChopper · 02/03/2024 16:44

I think it’s strange on their behalf that they stayed for a second bottle of wine after the reason they came ( fight) was over and didn’t mention they hadn’t eaten. Why wouldn’t they say “does anyone else fancy a takeaway, I’ve not eaten?” If they were hungry? YANBU not to offer food in these circs, they invited themselves and food wasn’t discussed. Just because you have a subscription to something you don’t use do they seriously expect you to feed every random who you kindly allow to watch it? Bit entitled aren’t they?

This! They are adults - couldn’t they just suggest a takeaway? Or even while arranging ask what you wanted to do about food?

If I’m going for after work drink or going to theatre with a friend, I’ll always ask whether or not we’ll eat and if so, where!

kitsuneghost · 02/03/2024 18:17

Snacks or wine. Both is weird

beAsensible1 · 02/03/2024 18:21

I think they should’ve brought snacks or wine.
I do think 4 hours without an offer of food for guests is a bit 🥴

CurlewKate · 02/03/2024 18:21

I always offer snacks of some sort with wine (it's a cultural thing) but I think I would have talked about what was going to happen about food. If they were arriving at 7, I would have assumed they hadn't eaten.

Gowlett · 02/03/2024 18:24

I’d always serve food, even with a cuppa.

AlwaysGinPlease · 02/03/2024 18:33

Bloody cheek. You weren't hosting them, you were letting them watch a fight in your home. On your tv with a subscription you pay for.

They weren't doing anything for you in return as a thank you so the fact they expected you to feed them as well is beyond entitled! No good deed goes unpunished. I hope you told them to fuck off.

soconfusedandscared · 02/03/2024 18:36

They were going to your house to watch a fight so you were doing them a favour. If they wanted food then you’d think they would offer to order a take away as a thank you when you were organising it. They have a real cheek to show up empty handed (apart from wine that you had discussed) or without suggesting a take-away before when you were allowing them to come into your home. YANBU

kiwiane · 02/03/2024 18:36

You know what to say when they ask to come over again to watch your TV! They should either have eaten first or provided food for you.

IncompleteSenten · 02/03/2024 18:37

They should have ordered food as a thank you for you acting like their private bloody cinema.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 02/03/2024 18:38

I’d probably have got some crisps or nuts or popcorn or biscuits or something in to offer as people often like to snack while they watch TV, however equally they could have brought something with them which is a polite thing to do when going to someone’s house.

paininthebac · 02/03/2024 18:41

I would assume at 7pm people had eaten. I would have probably have put a couple of bags of crisps out tho.

Rude that they expected you to provide the venue, subscription and food.

They should have offered a takeaway as a thank you or at least bought snacks.

I'd say they were the rude ones.

Frangipanyoul8r · 02/03/2024 18:45

This would never be an issue with my friends as:

  • no one would turn up assuming to be given dinner without a dinner invitation
  • if they turned up having not had dinner they’d suggest getting a takeaway
  • I always ask guests if they’re hungry and want a snack
Dweetfidilove · 02/03/2024 18:45

You could have provided nibbles with the wine, but they really could’ve brought food to watch with your subscription.

Did they just come empty handed?

ohdamnitjanet · 02/03/2024 18:46

Nicebloomers · 02/03/2024 16:38

You aren’t running a sports bar. Tbh it would have been more of a societal norm for them to bring pizzas or similar to share as a thank you for allowing them to watch the sport at your home.

Absolutely every word! Rude bastards to turn up for the self invited evening
( for something you don’t even like ) and expect to be fed !

ThereIbledit · 02/03/2024 18:51

Yeah, NAH. Even if you were a guest who thought the host was rude for not offering food, you should shrug and suggest a take away - that you pay for, and that you include the host in. Especially when the host has offered to host you for watching something on their TV that you want to watch but can't otherwise, AND the host isn't interested in. It's proper cheeky fucker territory to point out that they were surprised you didn't also cook them food - but especially when they've had the opportunity to cook for you in the past but have declined!

maddiemookins16mum · 02/03/2024 18:52

A £3 chunk of cheddar, packet of crackers and some chutney would have done.

I get you offered them to watch the fight so you did in fact ‘host’, I think it odd not to offer even the most meagre snack.

mambojambodothetango · 02/03/2024 18:52

You two should have discussed food beforehand. Or else friend could have said 'shall we get some food in?' At which point you would have said you'd eaten but they were welcome to order a pizza. All sounds very dysfunctional and passive...

diddl · 02/03/2024 18:53

But others of you are right that 4 hours is a long time to be at someone's house and not be offered food.

Well only if you've been invited for a meal!

Sure it's nice if people have snacks in but no big deal if they don't imo.

I go to see friends for the company.

These people were really rude & ungrateful & don't really sound like friends.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 02/03/2024 18:54

so normally if people were coming over at 7 I would ask if they wanted to eat and probably get a takeaway. If they didn’t want to eat I would have crisps etc available to offer (and probably would after a takeaway but maybe less). However given that you were doing them a favour I think it should have been on them to offer you a takeaway and bring snacks.