AIBU to have not offered any food with the wine?

[CosyDogs]

One of my friends wanted to watch a fight on TV but had no subscription to the channel that it was on. I do have a subscription but have no interest in watching fights, however I said that he and his friend could come to my house at 7pm to watch it and we can drink wine together. They bought a bottle of wine and I also provided a bottle.

While the match was on, I was in the room, but was reading as I don't like to see people fight. I wasn't completely engrossed in the book and we did chat and drink the wine. When the fight was over, we played cards, talked and opened another bottle. During the evening, my friend asked if I had any chocolate and I went to the kitchen and got a medium bar of chocolate and gave it to them. I had a small amount of chocolate as I don't usually eat late in the evening and they had the rest. They didn't ask for any more food and it didn't occur to offer anything else. They left around 11pm.

The next day, when we were talking, they mentioned that it was strange that I didn't offer them any food. I would have happily fed them, but I had already had dinner and assumed they had too and I don't usually eat that late. It simply didn't occur to me to start eating. WIBU to not offer more food? I am worried that I'm missing some obvious social standard that everyone else adheres to and I've been being a poor host.

I think regardless of how it came about, if I have people in my home for four hours from 7pm to 11pm, I can’t imagine it not occurring to me to at least put out some crisps or other nibbles.

But considering how the evening came about, if I had been them, I would have offered to get a takeaway in. Regardless, if I had been one of the three people, getting together for an evening I would have discussed the eating plans one way or another.

I think it was rude not to offer them any food. I don't know anyone who would have eaten their evening meal by 7 pm, and would assume that if someone invited me to their house at that sort of time, food would be available. However, I would have offered to contribute something unless I was specifically invited to dinner.

Thanks everyone. Every time I thought back to that evening I've been cringing inside that I committed some awful faux pas!

If they'd have told me that they hadn't had dinner, I would have cooked them something, but they didn't. I don't know if they'd already eaten or not and it didn't occur to me to ask. I don't really have snack food in the house, I was delighted to even find that chocolate bar!

In future I will provide some snacks to any visitors, then I don't have to worry that my guests are disappointed. But in the case of these two friends watching the fight, you've all made me feel loads better. Looking back, they should have been more grateful. They provided one bottle of wine between the two of them and I provided the house, the subscription, chocolate and a bottle of wine. They weren't grateful and the only thing they really had to say about the evening was that I didn't offer enough food.

I would have eaten and expected them to have too. I may have put some nibbles out but only if I had some.

Wine, company and watching the fight for free, surely that's enough? Why didn't he order a takeaway as a thank you?

I also wondered this @pensione , do they ever host and feed you OP?

Also like @Floopani I can't eat late due to stomach issues, I don't think it's uncommon.

Given that they were effectively asking a favour, they should have brought food and a small gift for the host.

If someone let me watch an event like that on their tv I would have offered to buy fish and chips or something. Let me guess, are they men ?

I am quite surprised that 1/3 of people think YWBU

The OP provided the house, and the subscription to let them watch something she wasn't interested in.
The visitors should have provided some snacks, or, if they hadn't eaten, ask the OP if she would mind them ordering in a takeaway.

She hadn't invited them round for a meal. Odd that anyone thinks she should have provided one, IMO.

I would have bought flowers, wine and nibbles with me if I was your guest.
I would have provided crisps etc to eat and asked if they had eaten and, if not, offered some pizza from the freezer!

I’d have shoved crisps in a bowl but if they needed dinner why didn’t they just say “shall we order dominoes?”

So they essentially invited themselves to take advantage of your subscription and brought nothing more than a bottle of wine, while you provided wine and chocolate? And by the sounds of it didn’t even say thank you, but made a passive aggressive comment about there being a lack of food?! What a grabby pair of bastards. They should’ve ordered in a pizza or at least brought another bottle and some snacks for you all to enjoy. If they ask again, say you’re busy. Repeat as and when is necessary.

It’s normal to serve nibbles with alcohol if you invite guests for drinks but you didn’t! You were doing them a favour. It would be more normal for them to bring snacks in this situation. And normally guests bring a token thank you gift for the host, like a bottle of wine or flowers. They are ungrateful CFs with no manners!

I don't think these two were guests. In reality they angled for a place to watch the match so they should have been treating you.

It would have been very different if watching big fights was your thing and you wanted to have some company, then they would have been guests (who should have bought more than one bottle of wine between them).

Usually if my partner goes to his mate's to watch boxing HE takes the nibbles though as friend pays for the fight. Perhaps communication was the issue here. Next time, instruct them to bring nibbles, or simply - I'll supply the fight, you supply the pizza?

In answer to some questions, yes they are men and no I have never been to either of their houses. I was invited to one of their houses recently at a time that coincided with my dinner time (although I suspect that he eats much later than me). I asked him if he was going to feed me and he said he doesn't really cook for other people as he's not great at it, but could offer me a sandwich. I had to cancel in the end so I don't know what his hospitality is like beyond that.

However, on that occasion, when I knew was going to be at his house at a time I would normally eat, I text to check if I was eating there or if I needed to eat beforehand. I didn't just plan on turning up hungry and expecting food.

But others of you are right that 4 hours is a long time to be at someone's house and not be offered food.

You should never serve alcohol without food, even if you just provide a small snack.

They are a pair of rude, ungrateful, dicks and if they asked/hinted to repeat the experience I'd say fuck no!

It wouldn’t occur to me to feed them a meal, but I may get snacks.

I would definitely have had snacks out, I would think it was odd if I went to someone’s house like this and the host didn’t do this. If they wanted more they should have ordered a take a way.

Yes - you were doing them the favour; they should have provided whatever they wanted to snack on. They could have ordered in a takeaway if they hadn't time to pick anything up.

So they get to watch the fights at your house for free and you provide them with wine and they complain?

They should have brought food to thank you for your hospitality or offered to order everyone a takeaway.

I think 7pm is early evening so I’d clarify you’d have eaten by then, perfect timing or similar - to make it clear you’re not offering to cook. But yes I’d definitely have bought plenty of savoury snacks to offer, that would be normal for me with visitors. However I’d also have turned up with something so think your guest is rude .. you’re both unreasonable!

So he had no intention of feeding you when you visited his home but expected you to cook for him and his friend 🤣 What a sexist twat.

I’m glad it didn’t enter your mind to feed the the men, OP, it looks like the tide is changing and women don’t see it as their responsibility to feed every scrounger looking for free entertainment and hosting.

Im with you op.
I eat before 7pm unless I have an exercise class at 7 in which case I eat afterwards.
Your friend should have provided his own food. Very rude to assume someone else will feed him. Why didn’t he say he would bring food? Why didn’t he order a take away after first checking you were ok with it?
Or why didn’t he eat before he came?

You were providing the free tv. Etiquette says they should have brought everything, food and wine. Maybe kindly point that out to your friend.

Also it absolutely is not your responsibility to organise another adults meals.
He sounds like a dick to be honest.
What adult expects another adult to bloody feed them?