Husband is always inviting people over….

[NickD87]

I’m at the end of my tether a little bit.
LO is about to be 11 months. We both work full time from home juggling childcare in shifts (thankfully we work for ourselves so can jiggle things about a bit).

I’ve brought this up with my husband before but he has a habit of inviting people over for dinner in the evenings on weekends - and often across both days - without checking with me first. Or worse….asking them randomly in front me of so I can’t really say no.

I’m tired.

This weekend we have our neighbours coming over - and found out this morning that two other sets are coming along too. Queue frantic cleaning, having to go to the shops, plan it all. Then a friend is coming for the day tomorrow all day. It tires me
out.

I really don’t mind one or the other, but I just want ONE DAY without work and to just have an evening where I can sit in my house and relax on the weekend.

It has especially wound me up today as I have told him about this several times. He KNOWS I hate it and don’t particularly like having people over all the time - let alone without having a say. And then he asks why I am ‘moody’ when he does it….

Whats even more of a kicker is that we saw said people yesterday, last weekend and are going to the theatre with them on Tuesday….its not
like we never see them!

Am I being an unsociable weirdo?

He'll soon notice when there's no food to eat.

My neighbour does this. He invites all the neighbours over every weekend on rotation. Some go, some don't. He's an alcoholic, she hardly drinks but they are completely in denial about his alcoholism. He just wants drinking buddies.

I lol'd when my ex husband of 20 years left me and invited people over to his new place, it was a complete shithole and he had zero idea how to entertain because I'd always done it.
He just sat there like a cabbage and didn't even offer them a drink.
Soon nobody visited him any more - he literally had no idea why.

Plump up the cushions,
Put out a selection of nibbles,
A case of spring water.
Put on your favourite jogging bottoms and curl up and relax.
Job done.

YANBU but I wouldn’t frantically clean or rush to the shops. Get him to do the shopping and leave the cleaning. I doubt anyone will notice you haven’t cleaned thoroughly and if they do, so what?

Honestly you need to be more assertive and don’t worry about offending people you have a baby! Just tell them you’re sorry but you’re too tired to host and apologise and I doubt anyone would mind. Equally if people are there and you’re tired just say that and ask that they be quiet as you’re going to bed! Several times we had guests I went to settle baby and fell asleep as never came back! Once humoursly leaving my OH with my chatterbox godmother who he entertained for another hour.

Cheek. Slapped cheek 😂

Haven't RTFT, but I honestly think I'd leave my DH if he invited people over repeatedly without asking me, even if he was doing all the work. I need space and down-time and simply couldn't live like that! The very thought makes me furious.

I'd go elsewhere every time and let him fend for himself until he learned his lesson. You'd have to grit your teeth and accept that people will see the house in its less then perfect condition, and there may be some gossip about why you weren't there, but if it puts an end to his ridiculous and selfish behaviour, it's well worth that.

I'm sure you can feel a cold coming on, after walking in the cold to the library to stock up on some great books - oh, and calling in at the petrol station shop for a giant bar of Dairy Milk (or box of Milk Tray at the supermarket). So you are just going to fill a hot water bottle and go to bed: can you bring me a cup of lemon tea up every half hour, please, and I'll leave your guests in your capable hands...

• Emphasis placed on this word is completely optional.

This is the sort of advice only seen n MN. They are obviously close, mutual friends and and how bizarre it would seem if they arrived and Op just says, "I'm going out" and just sits in her car somewhere? How will that give her the peace she craves in her own home.++? What she actually NEEDS to do is talk to DH about what is acceptable /unacceptable and they need to reach an agreement together that suits them both.

I've seen it a lot on Reddit.

And pretty much every chatroom I've ever been on in the 20 odd years I've wasted online.

It's a fairly standard response tbh.

Do you mean Mumsnet specifically or do you mean the internet forums in general and you're saying that you've never come across someone you know in the ops situation in real life whose friends have suggested she bugger off and leave the bloke to it?

If so then you're dealing with a very small sample called 'people I know who have been in a situation where this advice could apply'.

It wouldn't be unusual to not have come across it but it doesn't mean the advice is not given out there in the world, it just means you don't personally know enough people in RL to have the data available to reach that conclusion.

He won't forget that in a hurry.

And hopefully nor will they.

This!

Why is he still doing it when he knows it annoys you? He’s being a prick!

If he’s clearly not listening then action is needed. I’d clear off for the night to my parents or go as far as booking a hotel. He invites people knowing you don’t agree he can do all the leg work and make your excuses. I’d get fed up too. My home is my sanctuary, especially of a weekend. I want quiet and to do as I please after a full week at work. He’s clearly taking the piss.

Suggest he orders home delivery food. He invited them so it’s his shout.

I could not, and would not, tolerate this at all. If he wants people over, you tell him to have a nice evening as you are doing your own thing....Remind him to do the shopping for the food he wants to eat with his friends....Who is this man, you are not his slave, he doesn't own you, how dare he, l am furious with his attitude, who the hell does he think he is...?

Get an outside caterer to prepare the food and let hubby pay for it

YANBU and doing all the right things by explaining what you need and why you need it. Perhaps it worth examining with him what he is doing and why? Working from home.. missing colleagues? Opportunity to drink in a way he doesn’t feel able to if it’s just you ? Does he have guy friends/sport that he can slope off with (although that brings up a load of other issues). Are you getting enough time to replenish … clearly not… can you take some time out away from the home and childcare ? Good luck

I would hate this. I'd also wonder if it's a way of avoiding spending time with me and his child. He's behaving like a single man. He needs to remember it's a joint house and he doesn't invite people round without discussing it first. If he's desperate to catch up with people he can go out

We’ve also agreed (until inevitable ‘overexcited’ invites happen again…lol) that at least one full day each weekend will be just a family day - no visitors.

Then you tell him quite clearly he has to uninvite whoever he has invited. If he does invite people in front of you say quite clearly No, sorry my husband has clearly forgotten we already have plans for that day/night/weekend/whatever we'll get together another time.

Also make it clear he has to pull more than his weight in these events, I imagine he'll soon get tired of doing all the cleaning, preparation, cooking, clearing, etc., he will find he spends most of the evening not socialising with the people he has invited round because he is just to busy and worn out.

Your husband sounds like a selfish, self centred man child with no thought for your personal well being or opinions.
It’s selfish and disrespectful.
Telling you not to lift a finger when people are coming over isn’t an option because we all know how we want our homes to be viewed and he certainly won’t do it.

Personally, that level of disrespect would have me questioning the relationship. I’m sorry. I hope you get some rest soon xx

Tell them he loves cooking and leave him to it. He can plan and shop for the food as well. His guests, he looks after them.

Jesus NO.
Perhaps you are not making your position on this CLEAR.
If he invites people over in front of you, say, No, actually, that’s doesn't suit me. In front of everyone.
If he continues, let him do ALL the fucking work. Inconsiderate bastard!!
FFS stand up for your self!
He needs to understand your views on this! Whats his problem?
Set a compromise. A few nights a month only!

He ‘gets overexcited and forgets’ erm, no he doesn’t, he’s not a toddler. He just has no respect for you.