Husband is always inviting people over….

[NickD87]

I’m at the end of my tether a little bit.
LO is about to be 11 months. We both work full time from home juggling childcare in shifts (thankfully we work for ourselves so can jiggle things about a bit).

I’ve brought this up with my husband before but he has a habit of inviting people over for dinner in the evenings on weekends - and often across both days - without checking with me first. Or worse….asking them randomly in front me of so I can’t really say no.

I’m tired.

This weekend we have our neighbours coming over - and found out this morning that two other sets are coming along too. Queue frantic cleaning, having to go to the shops, plan it all. Then a friend is coming for the day tomorrow all day. It tires me
out.

I really don’t mind one or the other, but I just want ONE DAY without work and to just have an evening where I can sit in my house and relax on the weekend.

It has especially wound me up today as I have told him about this several times. He KNOWS I hate it and don’t particularly like having people over all the time - let alone without having a say. And then he asks why I am ‘moody’ when he does it….

Whats even more of a kicker is that we saw said people yesterday, last weekend and are going to the theatre with them on Tuesday….its not
like we never see them!

Am I being an unsociable weirdo?

Mate !

say to him ‘no guests unless I agree in advance or I will divorce you’

then text it to him
email it to him
text it to his friends
and his parents

and stop doing the cooking. Eat a big lunch and down tools.
or go out.

Wow you do know she’s wishing you left at that point don’t you?

He invites, he cleans, he shops, he cooks and cleans up afterwards. He might stop then!

That's how I'd interpret it too!

And if you work in his company is enough stuff in your name? What does happen if you divorce?
anyone who is that selfish is probably not really treating you as a equal so I would get all that checked out.
as to an outsider it sounds like he is using you like a skivvy

Message them and tell them unfortunately you can’t host tonight.

If they are good friends can you tell them you are exhausted and can’t cope with people coming round all the time and if your DH invites them for them to give their apologies

Do you have any say in what happens in your life?

He invites, so he cleans/preps and cooks food. How come you’re doing everything when he’s making the decision to invite people?

Do nothing to help him when he does this. He must take 100% responsibility for cleaning, tidying, shopping, cooking. Not your problem. Tell him that is what you will do so he knows and can’t complain.

If people don’t like a messy house they might not come again!

He wants to invite people over. You tell him not to without checking with you first. He does it anyway. You whinge a bit but still clean, run around, cook and presumably act the perfect hostess. He has a great time enjoying the evening he wanted and you presumably let it go every time. Rinse and repeat. Someone smarter than me said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Stop being a pushover. He’s your husband, not your boss.

Op, this is bonkers. How dare he?
It's your home too.
OF COURSE you shouldn't be lifting a finger if he's done the inviting. It's actually absurd.
Reverse the scenario and imagine if it would ever happen. So, you invite your friend over. He is then the one shopping, planning, cooking and cleaning. Absurd, isnt it?

Next time. 'Oh that's lovely. I'm afraid I won't be in as I have plans to meet Kate for lunch in town, but have fun.'

Leave him with the baby to get the prep and entertainment done.

He has to clean, shop for food/bev, cook, host, and clean up afterwards, and manage to get the baby sorted (fed, changed as needed, bath, and bed).

Do not participate in being steamrollered.

Go out shopping and then to see a movie or two. Bonus points for sabotaging the flusher mechanism of the loo before you leave.

OP you are a grown up with choices.
You choose to run around and “entertain “ these people your husband has invited.
Just take a breath and slow down.
You work full time you have a baby and a manchild you are bringing up.
You aren’t antisocial, you are tired !
Let your H pull his weight. He invited them he has to sort out the food , entertainment etc.
If you’re tired , say I’m sorry I’m tired and just go to bed.

You have choices , so stop the passive aggressive stomping and tell him. “Manchild “needs to be trained if they are ever going to grow up and be a caring husband

Also where is the all the reciprocal invites from your guests?

Cancel them.
Keep cancelling anything he books without consulting you on that you don't want to do.
Good friends will understand and he will learn not to do it.

I think the solution to that @Geebray is to go out of the home. Disappear for the entire duration. Make sure the guests know that the state of the house is absolutely nothing to do with you. Otherwise, twats like the ops h, will use that knowledge to make sure someone else is always the one doing the cleaning.

No, that wouldn't work for me. Telling people that my home is a mess because my OH didn't clean it before inviting them over does not make me happy.

If he wants to see people he arranges to meet them outside of the home so you and baby can rest.
He sounds quite selfish, can he not see your exhausted and that it makes loads of extra work?

This would piss me off, and I’d start to disappear every time someone came over, and take myself off to bed. Do NOTHING, no shopping, no prep, no cooking, no getting drinks. Nothing. He invites people, he can host

Sounds exhausting, OP. No time to decompress and just ‘be’ in your own space. What happens when it’s time of the month and you just want to lie on the sofa, in between managing little one?

He’s being a selfish twat.

This made me laugh!

This exactly!

Don't facilitate it. Hell sharp stop when he has to do the cleaning and planning.

Why are you such a martyr and don't stand up for yourself. Tell him you need to talk to him about something serious and ask him when is a good time. Sit him down and tell him this is not ok and is to never happen again. Stop being so weak.

Literally cancel these plans now yourself, directly- I honestly would!