AIBU - violin teacher dumped us on the first lesson

[DesperateSusans]

We are new to the area. My daughter (age 7) desperately wants to learn the violin. We asked at her new school and they gave us the information about the local violin teacher who teaches in the local schools and privately.

we contacted the teacher and arranged the lesson. Everything went really well, DD loved it and the teacher was great with us.

I have since received a text message from the teacher which I am confused about.

something along the lines of - great to meet you earlier, on reflection I think a different teacher may be more suited to working with DD. I immediately asked her what she meant. She then went on to say that she felt uncomfortable about the amount of questions I asked with regards to her qualifications, experience and teaching methods and made her feel uncomfortable! Apparently all of this is on her website (I hadn’t looked) and she felt like I was interviewing her!

surely this can’t be right? Isn’t it normal for parents to ask questions when they engage the services of a private tutor?

Great stuff, well done!

The bit that a lot of folk miss is that "You're paying, you have all the power" isn't exactly accurate when it comes to extracurricular teachers - the really good ones are usually oversubscribed, so they get to pick and choose their students...and particularly if they or their parents seem like they might be a bit high-maintenance, it's probably the biggest red flag of all.

Of course, it's incredibly easy to come across as high-maintenance without meaning to; I've encountered this myself...being autistic, I'm starting from a lot further behind the line than most, so if I don't get my mask exactly right...I come across completely wrong and...rejection. Over the years with my daughter, I had to really perfect the "non-threatening, easy-going-but-attentive parent" thing ;)

Just as an added suggestion - if you're doing this in future, "What do you expect from parents of your students, and how can I best provide support?" is a great one to ask.

If it doesn’t work out with the violin teacher there’s alway the drums! Or trombone..

Pleased for your daughter Op & hope it goes well for her.

Of course, it HAS worked out. But for maximum suffering I can really recommend beginner oboists.

Glad it worked out OP.

In a few years, don't be surprised if you hear of another teacher who is rumoured to be better and you end up leaving this one. By then you will look back at the angst about this one and shake your head at the worry it caused :) Its hard at the start of extra curricular activities and its only with time that you realise there are always options and very few are worth any drama and upset.

Well done @DesperateSusans , it’s always good to learn from mistakes and glad it worked out.

Hurrah for Boots!! Once got an essay extension at university after a crabby lecturer turned to find me standing in the queue there when she’d been procuring something for her itchy crotch.

I’m glad it all worked out and you will have a very happy little girl

You got lucky OP! Don't blow it - the fact that the teacher is concentrating on bow hold etc is a good sign and one you should respect (it is difficult to iron out bad habits later on and whilst it may feel like progress is being made by rushing ahead to do initial grades, it is a much better longer term strategy to pretty much forget about the exam aspect and develop really solid musical and technical foundations that your daughter can build on for the rest of her musical career). Don't forget that many excellent musicians never bothered with the lower grades - my dc's last teacher hadn't done any grade exams before she took grade 8 and my dc has done the odd one but not wasted much time with exams given that it can get really boring and repetitive prepping the same pieces for ages rather than honing skills on a wide repertoire.

Good luck and hope your DD enjoys her new hobby

You need to read the update!

I don’t want to brag but I had beginner violin and beginner trumpet in the house simultaneously.

I'm so glad it worked out well and that your daughter can learn violin as she wished. (My personal commiserations, as beginner violin is not a sound to gladden the soul of any but the profoundly deaf!)

I'm also glad you have a better idea of how to approach similar situations in future - with your child only 7 years old there's a lot of it ahead!

Thoughts and prayers 🙏 (and earplugs).

I had a trumpeter . . . I'm sure that's why I now have tinnitus.

Well done, @DesperateSusans

😱 My kids were both shit too. Which they only realised after about five years of parental torture.

good luck, i had a beginner pianist, celloist and violinist....my DD had a mock for grade 1 cello and i thought she was shocking- the assessor told me off and said she is grade 1...she ended up getting a distinction despite me thinking she sounded like she was strangling an animal...

Hell's teeth @rogueone - I hope you at least qualified for a Duke of Edinburgh award with three of them in the house.

Good news OP I'm glad it worked out.

Now play it cool and let the teacher do her thing 😉

I was a piano teacher in another life and honestly some parents were the bane of my life. Just relax and make small talk and you will get a far better sense of whether or not it’s the right teacher for your child.
For beginners pretty much anyone who can play an instrument can teach it if they have a good rapport with the child. It’s only later on you might need someone with more nuanced skills.

What a great outcome. Thanks for updating.

Well done OP. Sounds like you both learnt something from this which hopefully can only be a good thing

We also do not know there isn't actually some other reason.

Planet of comments here about "tiger mum" and are you not British?
Maybe the op is not British and that's why the music teacher rejected her.

We don't really know it seems unfair to pile onto the op for asking questions without any thought that maybe the music teacher is unreasonable at all.

(If I was aware of insurance requirements for teachers I may ask, that one depends on your knowledge of self employment)

Great outcome, OP! So happy for you and your daughter. Both you and the teacher concluded this with grace. 💐

What a lovely update. I hope your daughter enjoys learning the violin.

I'm so glad to hear your update. The teacher is right that as a beginner pulse, rhythm and pitch and very important. You need to feel the pulse and rythmn of the music to play together as a group. Pitch for violin is so important because the sound produced is continuous on the string and the violinist needs to be able to hear the correct pitch. Many beginners sound forever out of tune on the violin, my DC included. I find it very hard to give feedback because I know things aren't sounding right but I don't know whether it's because she's pressing slightly out (ie wrong tone) or she misread the music (missing accidentals). Posture and bow hold is very important because you don't want to get bad habits early on.

I have a budding violinist and trumpeter in the house too. I play the piano and the challenges are very different from what I observed in my DC.