To cancel seeing a friend because she asked to invite someone else

[Sundaycoffee]

I've had a 1:1 catch up in the diary with a friend for over a month now. I haven't seen her since the beginning of January and was looking forward to a "proper" chat. There's been a few things going on in my life (which she knows I wanted to discuss) and hers and I got the impression there would be some personal, more intimate things for us both to download on. She keeps going on about how she hasn't seen me in ages and there's so much to catch up on.
It was a lunch date (we had booked a bottomless brunch just the two of us).
Today she's messaged saying her other friend is also free and is it ok if she invites her? I've met this woman maybe 3 or 4 times over the past couple of years in group situations but wouldn't call her a friend.
I've told her I would rather it just be the two of us and it would change the dynamic a bit. She said that was ok but tbh I'm feeling a bit irritated that she clearly would rather this other person join and have more of a social chat rather than the more personal 1:1 meet that we had planned. Almost like my company alone isn't good enough and I now can't shake that feeling that I now know she would rather bring another person along and I had to be the one to say no.
I almost feel like saying to her, you guys catch up and we can do another time. The meeting I was looking forward to just feels a bit tarred now. Feel a bit silly and undervalued as a friend for her even just to ask. AIBU feeling this way?

I would feel the same as you and would postpone. I get a bit anxious if plans are changed and if my intentions for an event are altered. But I think I might be mildly autistic.

Cancel the meeting. Let her go with her other mate.
invite her for a coffee instead.

I’m getting flashbacks to the Malory Towers books now. That whole weird thing where the girls would get into these peculiarly possessive and jealous female friendships, and there was all this bizarre drama about who was whose SPECIAL FRIEND and who wasn’t.

Just have a variety of friends, go out, have fun times, enjoy meeting new people!

Don’t be passive aggressive. Just go.

I don’t get why it was an issue for her to suggest inviting another of her friends that you know to come along, but she did ask & when you said no she didn’t invite the friend.

likely the other friend mentioned she wanted to go to the place you have booked or something similar.

you could broaden your friendship group a bit if you were more welcoming of other people that are friends of your friends.

TBH if you cancelled lunch with me based on me suggesting someone else could join us because you felt like you weren’t important enough to me etc then I would be querying if I wanted to be friends with you.

Yes, you are being unreasonable to cancel because someone asked a question. She didn't thrust it upon you and tell you that she'd invited her, she just asked if you would mind. You said no and she sad no problem. If I were her and you cancelled on me for just asking that, I would be seriously questioning our friendship, because that's not a proportionate response at all.

the extroverts are logically going to be the ones dominating the comments here , and for them this scenario is no big deal ,and how you're feeling doenst make sense to them.

Feeling hurt is not being unreasonable, you can't help feeling the way you do about this, I'd feel the same way, But a previous poster did make a good point that maybe your friend"s friend also made a suggestion to catch up on that day , ..and maybe her friend is keen to see you again?

I wouldn't cancel , try and get over feeling hurt and enjoy the catch up , and the new energy her friend will bring to the table. have fun :)

the extroverts are logically going to be the ones dominating the comments her

Yes, whoever heard of an introvert who liked to stay in and write on forums....

Yes, whoever heard of an introvert who liked to stay in and write on forums....

Not sure I get your point, it's left me a bit confused .
There's all character types on these forums.
Extroverts are not as sensitive to the feedback their posts might invite, therefore there will be more comments from them. ..don't you think?

Did my comments offend you somehow?

I just think you made an odd assertion about extroverts dominating the comments here. I would think the opposite.

I'm also not sure why you would think extroverts were less sensitive to feedback?

I think you have fallen into the common misconception that extroverts are all really confident and introverts are all anti social but this is not what the terms mean.

I think you have fallen into the common misconception that extroverts are all really confident and introverts are all anti social but this is not what the terms mean.

Agree completely. People that like to go on about extroverts v introverts usually have no idea that it’s just one of four equally important dimensions in that particular theory of personality - they never mention the other three dimensions weirdly. And they usually misuse it as a synonym of confident or sociable.

But why will she end up "just talking surface rubbish and feeling disappointed" when it is just going to be the OP and her original friend at the brunch ???

The friend asked OP about inviting someone else.
OP said no
Friend accepted it, so the original arrangement is still in place.
OP is asking if she should now cancel the brunch.
Which is completely bonkers.

@NewName24 because I missed that the third party wasn’t attending after all.