When did 50/50 become so common?

[Luckylooloostar]

I have a SC and when contact was set up over 13 years ago it was really common to do EOW with maybe a night in the week. No mention of 50/50 ever. Really common among others too around that time.

but Iv noticed a trend over the last few years that seems to be when you split its now 50/50…

Do more men now want this so they don’t have to pay CMS?

How long did you do that for?

We tried that for a year or so but sadly didn’t work as he got really controlling about “his house” and left it a huge mess each time. Do think it’s best for the kids though

I’m think lots of parents want to see their kids and be involved. If you don’t live too far apart then 50/50 can work really well. Obviously it can be harder if you don’t live close or work very long hours. We try to get close to 50/50 with my step kids but it’s hard since their mum chose to move some distance away with her new husband.

My DP does EOW with his children, because he has a long hours job which he'd be unable to commute to and from where they live, and his ex has done everything possible to avoid working and lives off the maintenance. She'd be horrified if he offered 50 50.

If I have kids with my ex then that's news to me.

I do however have a husband who loves seeing our kids every day, as do I. I'd settle for nothing less in a father for my children.

I agree re responsibility and wanting to see children being equal...but it must be difficult for children to be moving between two homes like that? I remember it being difficult enough going to my dad's at weekends, having different friends, activities, belongings, like leading two lives. At least just going to one parent's home at weekends, no journey to school and back to factor in, makes it simpler.

Our arrangement is DC Friday and Saturday nights at my ex's, one evening a week I work late, so ex comes here to look after DC until my return.

Yes it wasn't perfect! Sunday evenings with me stomping around getting grumpy about the mess he'd left. But the kids preferred it by far. We did different things at different stages, because of work and so on. So in an earlier phase they went to his, but it was never really 'home'.

I have never believed that parents’ contact with their children should be based on let’s face it, generally women’s view that the father should be happy with eOW and nothing more. Who else did that benefit other than the woman?

When me and my eXH split 13 years ago I basically took the view that our DS could see his father when he wanted to and vice versa. We agreed 50/50 on the basis of having a routine, but i never said no to DS seeing his dad or vice versa.

As DS grew up he made his own decisions regarding contact, but I don’t believe that mothers should be able to dictate when their children see their fathers because let’s be blunt, no woman actively wants to not see her children half the time.

Too many women even on here refer to children’s time with their father as “contact time” as if that’s somehow less than their time with their mother. It shouldn’t be.

Yes, there are some fathers who walk away from their children, but for those who don’t, the father’s house should be no less the children’s home than the mother’s.

Growing up with 50/50 was shit. I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere but couldn't say anything because in all honesty it had nothing to do with what was best for me, it was all about what was best for them

It's because society expects men to step up and take more responsibility now, though we're still not close to equality but it is better than what it used to be.

DH would be heartbroken to only see DC every other week, as would I so it would definitely be 50/50 should our marriage end. I'm certainly not entitled to spend more time with them than DH just because I'm the mum.

Im not sure it works out cheaper even it was the reason.

Because the system was inherently biased towards women.

Men weren't seen as capable back then.

I think that 50/50 is fabulous for the parents... but if I was a child in this shit show I would bloody hate having all the disruption to my life !

There is a thing called 'nesting' which in principle sounds great .. it means that the kids don't move but the parents who cause this disruption pay the price by moving every 3 days/ week / whatever your 50/50 arrangements are.. try and do it for 3 months and see how annoying it is ... and then you might all see what kids have to do !!

Most of my female friends' exes have their children EOW.

When, I was with my ex, before we had children, we had DSC every weekend and half of every holiday (their Mum moved an hour away shortly after they split).

He only sees our DC one weekend a month as he moved the other side of the country a year after I left him.

I don't know about 50/50, but I wish my 2 DC saw him more, as it's hard to maintain a relationship with a parent 2 days a month.

I'm disagree with the posters who that state their men simply cannot have their own child 50:50 because they work long hours, or it doesn't fit with their job. Women work long hours too.

Maybe you just know a lot of shit men who only want to see their children once a fortnight.

The ones I know would have them more than 50/50 if they could. Only one does officially because his ex travels a lot for work so it suits her.

You've got to be a pretty shit dad to only want to see your kids every other weekend. And why should women have to look after them 26 days out of 30?
Although I am bias because this is what my ex does and he thinks he's dad of the year 🙃

I think 50 50 must be shit for a majority of children. Women have been primary carers for their children but now men what something different they seem to get it. I also agree with the OP that there is a different bond between mother and child. Women carry a baby, many men find it easy to walk away. 50% just reeks of a man demanding his rights with no thought of the impact on the child. Yes there are a few scenarios where it may work. Also there will be the ones that use it to get out of CSA payments then just find a new gf to use for babysitting on their time. Would hate to be in this situation.

Thank god most people don't think like you nowadays

Ha, so true.
Read an article recently about successful men increasingly choosing to actively not take the path of marriage, kids or even LTRs in their life. They've just decided life choices regarding women is better as 'forever dating' and nothing serious.

@scarecrowswedding perhaps nowadays people are thinking of themselves rather than what would be better for the child. Mental health issues have risen in children and perhaps not having a base and moving between house’s may be one contributor.

Well this is exactly what my ex did. And he readily admitted to it as well, it’s not uncommon for this to happen.

I find some of your post unpleasant op and shows a lack of understanding.

My parents divorced in 1977 our father took custody as it was then for 2 of the 3 children. Several.of my.friends lived with their father the majority of the time too. Should be said I grew up in Scandinavia where men are seen as a equal parent.

Something your posts do not seem to comprehend.

It's not about what you would want. It's about ensuring the children have an equal relationship with both parents. EOW doesn't Foster that.

The UK is really far behind in parenting I think this is a positive step.

Trust me a EOW doesn't create a parental relationship.

@Wishitsnows. Mental health issues have also risen in children without divorced parents.

@TheGrimSqueakersFlea. I grew up on EOW equally grim in not feeling I truly belonged anywhere and as an adult a realisation I do not know my father at all. He is 82 we speak on the phone once every 2 weeks for about 15 mins.
I love him. He is my father but I don't have that loving caring bond I watch dh have with our children.

I don't have the bond my father has with my sister and brother who did grow up with him

My brother said last year he doesn't miss our mother she passed 9 years ago. I get it. He didn't grow up with her and EOW doesn't create that bond.

I don't see how it would ever be best for a child to barely see one of their parents if they are a good, involved parent.