When did 50/50 become so common?

[Luckylooloostar]

I have a SC and when contact was set up over 13 years ago it was really common to do EOW with maybe a night in the week. No mention of 50/50 ever. Really common among others too around that time.

but Iv noticed a trend over the last few years that seems to be when you split its now 50/50…

Do more men now want this so they don’t have to pay CMS?

Isn't it strange how 99.9% of women don't end up with EOW access due to their work. It's only men who can't find their way out of this problem. Only men who wouldn't dream of looking for a job they can balance with being a good parent.

That is so dumb, much easier to fork out money than parent your child. No one would do that to avoid paying money!

“Call me old fashioned, call me sexist”

ok - you’re old fashioned and sexist.

I imagine because if we divorced, it wouldill DH to see him kids a few days a fortnight when he's used to seeing them every weekday morning, every evening after work, every weekend, doing practically every bedtime, etc

Wow what a great, informative response sir.

There are cases where the mum's work is more demanding in that way.

Usually when there are kids, even with a married couple, it's tricky to sustain two high demand careers, unless you have a nanny or other outside care arrangement. Barring that, one parent will typically have the demanding job and one that is in some sense more flexible or fewer hours. More often, but not always, that's the mother.

That pattern continues to play out if there is a divorce, if the dad (or mum) had a demanding job before it is still demanding afterwards.

Men are often quite successful at getting their new wives or girlfriends to do most of the actual child care. Not many new husbands or boyfriends are up for that.

I agree.

DH's bond with DC is just as strong as mine.

Passport
Tickets
Money
Visa if necessary
Phone
Chargers

Some medicines especially prescription in your hand luggage.

Unless you are going to a remote country that will be fine.

That's what I need for shared custody??

You admitted that you’re bigoted and out of touch with the way many modern couples parent their children, and I’m agreeing with you. I don’t feel the need to be mean when you’ve already taken responsibility for your out dated views.

Interestingly hardly anyone has mentioned children’s best interests on this thread. For some, 50/50 is the right choice; for others (including some in my family) it’s terribly disruptive and traumatic. Children’s wishes should be given a lot more weight than they actually are in practice.

I see what you're getting at. Depending on the individual circumstances, it may indeed be better for some children to live with their fathers for most of the time and then their mums just see them for a day or two every fortnight.

I've taken steps back from mumsnet due to the men bashing on here. If a father wants 50/50 it's only to avoid maintenance. If they have EOW but do something fun on that weekend their Disney dads. The sheer amount of people that post that are either no contact or very limited contact with their own mothers definitely shows that mothers are not the perfect selfless beings that a lot of people here make them out to be

I imagine there's a big difference between spending money to raise your child and handing it to your ex, who you hate.

OP, I think you may be confusing human parents with cattle - where the bull literally is indeed nothing more than a sperm donor, and that's simply how it is.

Thankfully, most parents do actually love and want to be a constant presence in their children's lives - even if their relationship with the child(ren)'s other parent has since ceased.

Yes, there are some selfish, neglectful and/or abusive men out there (and even a few women) who see themselves as bulls, rather than as humans; but they should not be confused for what is normal.

You can never outdate biology. Fact. Sorry that triggers you into attacking someone on the internet.

How is it a fact?

I think that would be a very, very big cutting off your nose to spite your face

I went out of my way not to attack you. You called yourself sexist and old fashioned and I agreed with you.

Oh I agree, but there's nothing logical about how some men people think.

Besides, for you (and me, and normal parents) raising kids is HARD work so of course it would be easier to chuck money at it. But I can assure you, some men people are able to maintain 50% in order to avoid maintenance while expending zero effort and pretty close to zero extra money. Ask my ex.

Its a weird one. We did 50:50 for a bit. When the kids got older they opted to stay here. But they were quite happy with it for a while. It wasnr until their dad's mental health took an even worse turn that it became an issue. One is an adult and very happy and confident.

But as a society I see people expecting more of Dad's, when it comes to children, than was expected say 50 years ago.

We want Dad's to be 50:50 parents when with in a relationship with the mother. We want then doing half of everything with the kids. Which is right. Especially where women work. Kids are a joint endeavour.

But that's a big ask, if you also see women as the main parent, claim they have the better bond. That kids, really, are more her than his. And on splitting the mother gets to decide how much access he has. That's not viewing parents as equal.

It's perpetuating that kids are really the womans. If you have the attitude that the kids really belong to the women, that has to play out in real life. Even in subtle ways. That's damaging itself. For all involved.

That's fair. I was thinking it's way too hard so I'd rather just pay for someone to do it for me

Me and e do went 50:50 when we wok it at 19 which was 23 years ago. Nothing to do with money. He was a fantastic dad. Not all men do it to avoid paying out for their child, what an outdated view. Believe it or not it is possible for a dad to love their child and walk over hell and high water for them.

So you think women are the 'main' parent. That their bond with their children, can't ever come close to what their Dad's have with them?

Why are you talking about the animal kingdom? What relevance does that have to human children? There's tons of stuff that happens in the animal kingdom that's not relevant.

I am sure some kids do really hate 50:50 and feel unsettled by it. But plenty of kids hate EOW as well and grow up feeling they missed out on time with the parent they only saw EOW. Plenty of kids and are damaged by all sorts of set ups. It's weird to focus on one and pretend there's never issues with another kind.

I'm 33 and my parents divorced when I was 3.
There were no set rules, we more or less came and went as we pleased between both houses. The doors were never locked, we went in and out as needed, stayed where we wanted and our parents managed to be cordial enough to sort between them.
They only lived about 5 mins by car apart and maybe a 15 minute walk, with the primary school in the middle.
My dad paid his maintenance (£360 a month for both my sister and I) no matter where we stayed or what we did.