When did 50/50 become so common?

[Luckylooloostar]

I have a SC and when contact was set up over 13 years ago it was really common to do EOW with maybe a night in the week. No mention of 50/50 ever. Really common among others too around that time.

but Iv noticed a trend over the last few years that seems to be when you split its now 50/50…

Do more men now want this so they don’t have to pay CMS?

@JeSuisUnePommeDeTerre we had this, they claim child benefit for both. Provided court order for 50-50 to cms and they still wouldn't change as ex wouldn't confirm shared care. Took it to tribunal and no cms awarded Ex didn't even turn up as they knew this but were just being difficult. CMS don't really understand shared care so you have to push it.

@JeSuisUnePommeDeTerre I’m sorry but as others have said, that is categorically not true. I earn around £30k more than my DSDs stepdad, so she has a higher household income in our house than at her mums, but this has never once been looked at for the child maintenance calculator. We voluntarily pay £100 a month and pay for 100% of clubs and activities despite having 50/50 because we want her to have a similar lifestyle in both households but it’s not court or CMA ordered. A step parent or parents partner has no legal obligation to contribute to the child and therefore joint or household income cannot be assessed for maintenance purposes. Only the income of the biological parents will be looked at.

What a weird last sentence. Plenty of women-hating men have wives.

A guy I work with (a direct report, so we chat about life etc in 1:2:1s etc) has 50/50 and also pays maintenance to the child’s mother, I thought it was bullshit so checked the CMS calculator and it’s true.

https://child-maintenance.dwp.gov.uk/calculate/details/will-you-be-paying-or-receiving-child-maintenance-payments

He says he pays just under £200 per month, and is deffo 50/50. Mum does most of the life admin though, like buys uniform etc and then he sends her half the cash. She also has other children so things like uniform buying etc she would be doing anyway. He arranges all the outside school activities (football / swimming / haircuts etc)

Everyone seems really happy, with the set up.

@mrsdineen2 I don't hate men - but by God I won't put up with any crap from them! Too many women set the bar far too low. I know I did with my first husband. I guess my ex was one of those "women-hating" men so I left him. Lesson learned.
As other posters have since said, what @JeSuisUnePommeDeTerre was stating about CMS and true 50/50 shared care is in fact incorrect.
@adviceneeded1990 is absolutely correct.

I am 50/50 and my daughter lives at home full time and me and her dad swap between that and a flat nearby. I didn’t want to live with her dad any more but I didn’t want my decision to change the way she lived or how much she saw either of us. I pushed for this and I will be worse off because of it financially, but I have the time and space to get my shit together and maybe meet someone new. My ex didn’t want to split bC he didn’t want to be a “weekend dad” so this was my solution. He’s doing ok. He contributes more than me to the setup as his earnings are higher. I didn’t ask for that and was happy to keep it 50/50, again to my detriment. I would rather take a downgrade in quality of life not to have to spend it with her dad, or create an EOW situation where she gradually lost touch with him. Not perfect but 🤷‍♀️ I think your view is based on people you know / experience but don’t tar everyone with your brush please.

I would look for a small scale producer local to you.

Do we? I don't!

I suppose it depends what you mean by EOW. If by EOW you mean Saturday and Sunday only so 4 days a month only? If so that's awful barely any time at all to be a parent. The bare minimum really. No time to spend any meaningful time with your child at all or to get involved with school life and events especially in the primary school years. If you mean from Friday school pick up to Monday school drop off EOW that's a bit better. Especially if you include holidays aswell - a week or two and attending schools events etc. But strict EOW and nothing else? Terrible parenting

In our house EOW was coming to us straight from school on Friday, then going home on Sunday night, plus Wednesday nights every week, as the midweek night.

Mmm. But the cms are shit. They let dhs ex reduce her maintenance because an ADULT child lived with her. I had time point out to them that was not in fact right.

They'd worked out payments wrongly before now. Quoted maths at me which didn't add up.

Depending on who you speak to you get different advice. I can well believe they've been told to pay it. But I'd be fighting that decision.

I do think a lot of women don’t want 50/50 as they won’t get cm, so it works both ways. When I said I would like 50/50 someone said to me “oh but you won’t get any maintenance!” Shows what some people really think.

50/50 financially is fine if it really is 50/50 financially. But often the mum ends up buying most of the clothes, paying for school trips, etc.
You see on here men complaining if they have 50/50 and the mum will not send a bag with the child with clothes and possessions.

but problematically, it is usually women that have but the brakes on their careers when having children, reduced their earning power, and generally done the juggling required when it comes to having children and a job (or not). And despite legislation, we all know that many women are paid less than their male peers regardless of family responsibilities being introduced into the mix. On top of that, we are living in difficult times with childcare at a higher cost than ever and more and more couples are making a choice to reduce childcare costs with the lower earner (more than likely the woman) working part-time or giving up work all together. This is all fine unless the relationship breaks down.

It is easy to dismiss the desire for maintenance as greed, money chasing, gold digging but frequently, if you're earning less than your ex and your situation was made worse by a joint decision to maximise income/outgoings during the difficult early years, wanting to somehow even up that score is not unreasonable. If 50/50 means no maintenance and a child who lives in luxury half the time and in poverty the other half, you can appreciate the frustrations involved for the poorer parent.

This is why we see countless posts on MN telling women not to give up anything and do everything 50/50 just in case. These are never popular posts because so many people feel the need to make different decisions in a given moment based on the here and now rather than the what if.

I agree and this is my experience of 50/50. All my ex paid for is an evening meal on his time - the children had breakfast at the breakfast club I paid for. I paid for everything else that was came under the children umbrella because he wouldn't. There is no legal recourse for women (or men) in that situation so either you make up the difference or your children suffer.

I have my kids full time and get no maintenance 🤷‍♀️ I would actually be in a better financial position if my ex wanted 50/50.

50/50 is difficult financially when one parent earns significantly more than the other. What I found difficult is that I still had to house my sons (had to privately rent and still renting many years on), and you obviously can't pay for "half" a washing machine, "half" of a bed etc!! I also had to buy clothes, school uniform and all of those outgoings too.
My boys virtually have a wing each at their dad's place (and a swimming pool!)
Do I regret leaving him?
Hell no!!!

@Workworkandmoreworknow I think it very much depends on the people involved because our experience of 50/50 is that my husband provides for all his daughters needs at our house, pays maintenance that he doesn’t legally have to to help her Mum out, pays for and facilitates 4 different clubs/activities, pays 50% of school uniform, trips, etc, buys presents if the party falls on his day, and generally contributes more than his 50%. Which we are very happy to do because it’s about my DSD not the adults. But for every sorry excuse for a man who doesn’t pay his 50% there are women taking more than, as demonstrated by the people on here who know women who don’t want 50/50 because they “won’t get maintenance.”

@Luckylooloostar Totally agree. I speak as as a mum who had (court-enforced) 50/50 for many years and CMS said nothing payable from either party.
If her partner voluntarily pays maintenance then that's absolutely fair enough (and all credit to him), but it's absolutely incorrect to say he is forced to by CMS.

As I said before, cms are a bit shit. I can imagine she may well have been told that, but they should fight it.

My ex moved over 70 miles away, so we have ended up with roughly EOW, but only to suit his shifts, his new girlfriend and their holidays etc etc. Worst of both worlds in my opinion - zero help or shared workload on school days, but he has half the fun time, and dictates when that will be.