When did 50/50 become so common?

[Luckylooloostar]

I have a SC and when contact was set up over 13 years ago it was really common to do EOW with maybe a night in the week. No mention of 50/50 ever. Really common among others too around that time.

but Iv noticed a trend over the last few years that seems to be when you split its now 50/50…

Do more men now want this so they don’t have to pay CMS?

So you have decided that fathers cannot feel like they want to spend as much time with their children as mothers, through your vast experience of being a father....

Or just an assumption on your part?

EOW was also common back when spousal support was a thing asen were the earners. These days women are expected (rightly) to support themselves financially but if they have the DC almost full time that's obviously so much harder plus they'll have childcare costs.

Good point about the needs of the kids; it must be very unsettling to be moving all your stuff, including school PE kit and hobby stuff twice a week, as well as living in two houses on a rapidly rotating basis. I would not have liked that at all.

Forgot I wasn’t allowed an opinion on MN😂

I love spending time with my kids so would want them with me, nothing to do with having equal responsibility, all to do with spending time with them.

I love my kids too, as does their dad. Why should my wish to spend time with them trump his right to do the same?

You're allowed an opinion. I'm just sorry your opinion of of your husband and father of your kids is so low.

My husband would be devastated to only see our children EOW if we split up.

They're OUR children, not just mine for him to babysit from time to time. It's not fair on him or the children for me to be selfish and say "I want them with me more so they're staying with me and you can have the dregs". We'd have to be adults and co-parent.

He does an equal share all week at the minute so why should he lose that if we were to split up?

Interestingly hardly anyone has mentioned children’s best interests on this thread. For some, 50/50 is the right choice; for others (including some in my family) it’s terribly disruptive and traumatic. Children’s wishes should be given a lot more weight than they actually are in practice. Having worked in a related field, anecdotally I’d also say that a significant % of fathers absolutely do go for 50/50 to avoid CM.

Oh you are allowed an opinion

And we are allowed to consider how emotionally intelligent and empathetic that opinion makes you look

But Im pretty sure someone starting a thread thats bound to be controversial that boils down to mums love their children more than dads and dads are only interested in money knew that. Along with the laughing faces and the gripes about MN and stereotypes about posters

I think you are getting exactly what you want.

Well I’m sorry your ex didn’t give you enough free time away from your kids like you would have preferred instead of being with them.

Both parents wanted to be involved 10-20 years ago too I’m sure but the default was mostly EOW visitation. No one ever mentioned 50/50.

"No-one"

When my friends split in 2000, their dc lived with each parent for 50% of the time.

You are talking rubbish OP.

Parents wanting 50:50 split fight for it so they get to spend as much time with their dc as they can when they are separated from the other parent.

She knows that he sees his eldest child EOW so is extrapolating from that?

There’s nothing controversial about it.

I asked why has the trend changed and is it just because of CMS.

10-20 years ago dads still loved their kids so it’s not based on love for the kids.

As someone who is actually divorced and has 50 50 custody, the reasons behind it are that our children deserve and need a relationship with both parents. We have a set routine, we deal with any forgotten items and work as a team.

It was a little hard for me t not to be with my kids for half the week,as of was for my ex DH, but a lot less hard than being married to someone I no longer loved.

We earn similar salaries, and don't pay each other any maintenance.

Yes as in no one I knew via personal or work.

Clearly I’m not speaking for the whole planet!

@Sausage77 totally agree. Lots of posts here about how dads want to be equally involved. Hardly any focus on what's best for the children

On other threads, people who had 50 50 as children mostly say they didn't like it. But, I do accept it probably suits some children

I initially had 50/50 with my ex... 2/2/3 set up and swap the following week... It was definitely so he didn't have to pay maintenance... It was actually as confusing as hell for my daughter as she could never get to grips with where she was going to be, but we did both agree that a week each was too long for her to be without either parent.
It didn't work out well, as I ended up picking up the slack for times he was late getting her... I ended up moving back (30 mins) to where both our families live. He now has her EOW. He doesn't pay maintenance. He's said plenty of times he's doesn't know how I do it and in a round about way admitted that he'd found the 3 months we did do 50/50 way harder than he had thought it would be - I had always been the primary carer.

God my DP would love to have his DS 50/50. Unfortunately due to how his work has been it hasn't been possible and we have him EOW and a dinner in the week. Saying that men only want it to reduce CMS is insulting.

We actually have my DSS 60/40 and pay maintenance - my DP absolutely adores his little boy and wants to spend as much time with him as possible.

So no, it isn’t to get out of paying anything 🙄

No, I don’t know any men like this.

My husband wanted 50/50 to avoid paying cms as he told me.

I can see how alternating weeks wouldn't be in a child's best interests, but I still think every other weekend would be too long for my husband and son not to see each other if we broke up.
Of the two couples I know who co-parent, the dads have weekend time every weekend, sometimes two nights sometimes one. If they get one night at the weekend then they might also get the Wednesday night that week or something.
It's not quite 50/50 but definitely not as harsh as every other weekend.

There seems to be this cult of motherhood, where we are the only ones who can properly love and look after our children. See also: my kids are my world and I don't want to spend a second away from them or have my own life...

Will take you a whole second to read it on this thread alone.

Is eow best for kids? I doubt that’s best for the kids either and it’s a very long time to go without seeing the other parent.