DH always really angry when I'm unwell?

[Ohffffssssss]

Hi, been married to DH for 14 years, 2 primary age DC. I have chills, a fever, and my whole body is aching. Probably just a cold but I feel terrible. I am usually stoic & just get on with things but since DC are at school (dressed, fed & taken by me) I've decided to lie on the couch under a few blankets & try to stop the shivering. DH is a nightshift worker so to avoid waking him I only dome a quick clean with bleach etc & didn't do the dishes or hoover. I was supposed to meet a friend for coffee but too poorly so cancelled. Since he got up he has looked at me with absolute disgust, not asked if I'm okay or even cracked a smile. Instead he came storming in to tell me had a nosebleed. I'll admit I was less than enthusiastic but said oh that's wierd. He has then starting throwing things around, swearing, throwing DCs shoes in their rooms & told me our hoover is fucking useless. Why do some men behave like this!? Its made me so uncomfortable I genuinely nearly cried. He behaves this way every single time I'm unwell or he deems I don't tidy properly etc. I actually work full time however this is my allocated day off this week. He also ruins any special event like DDs birthday/nights out - anything that's not about him really. If I felt better I would just leave in the car but I can hardly even stand up. So upset & confused by this repeated behaviour.

Why do some men behave like this!?

What men? Currently only your DH I think.........

How insightful. The thread wasn't compete without your illuminating contribution.

Grow up.

You seem to lack comprehension of the word 'maybe'.

Another incisive comment...well done 😎

So you admit your post was redundant. Spare us.

OP why are you putting you are your DC through this? I grew up with someone like this and believe me, your children are on edge and drained by it too.

Leave, and don't look back. It's not so much the anger itself that's a red flag as all the patterns of behaviour around it: moods that everyone has to tiptoe around, being a dick and then plastering a smile on, being unable to be around the family without making things intolerable. Children look at what we do much more than listening to what we tell them. You'd tell them not to tolerate being treated like that, but if you stay with him, you're teaching them a totally different, and wrong, lesson.

Get a grip.

He is a narcissist who cannot stand that you may actually take attention away from him been the main focus of your life. Just ignore him and try to relax. He is acting like a child and when you are feeling better you tell him that if he ever behaves like this again his bag will be packed and he can leave for good. If I were you I would be planning to break up with him and get paperwork in order as this is not a life you need to be living and if he wants the place cleaned to his standard then let him do it. Hope you feel better soon.

Hun he's abusive. Seriously

I’ve had pneumonia and he’s stepped up a lot- been ill for 2 weeks he’s had to do school run etc. I’ve washed, cooked but to a minimum. Hope you feel better soon

@feedbackhq

Good question, 🤔

ive got a feeling we all or most of us know the answer allready to that question going by @Ohffffssssss threads so far,

He does sound like a classic Narc individual...

they don't change

It's wishful thinking he might do..

Poor dcs 😞

LTB. This is not the way to live.

So you're going to wait 4/5 years until your youngest is 11/12?

What's the logic? They'll be uprooted in some of the most important years at high school. The eldest will be 14 and may already be irreversibly affected by being exposed to this shit for most of their childhood and you'll be a shell by then. He'll have broken you. The kids will be easier to handle and he'll manipulate them into wanting to see him anyway so you'll have wasted all those years for fuck all.

Come on, obviously you don't want to have to miss out on time with them but he doesn't like them anyway. Selfish prick probably won't put up a fight but he'll just blame you for "turning them against him". Let him do that.

You've got to put those children first. Now.

To varying degrees yes, he always has been difficult to live with. He does admit this, that I will never reach his high standards & that he "lets things slide" but he has always been selfish and quite angry about minor things in my opinion. He behaves like this at work/with friends etc so it's not specific to me. His own family laugh it off with a 'oh you know what he's like, he needs everything done a certain way' but I am so so drained. I am on edge trying to make sure everything is perfect. He did work away for a few years & I could tolerate him because I knew he would be leaving soon - but he's back now full time & I feel suffocated by him. I feel like I can't enjoy my life anymore. To be honest I've changed as a person beyond all recognition which is sad. I do think he would fight for custody to be honest, he does love the kids he just has no patience with them & can't understand that kids aren't just mini adults. I run myself ragged doing everything and get nothing but contempt & criticism, unless he's feeling particularly generous where he will thank me for something.

I'm tired and stressed today with work issues and DD with additional needs that was hard work today, and when I came come from a frazzled swimming lesson run, DH was snoring on the sofa. I was frustrated as I wanted a break but what I didn't do was shout, intimidate and cause a scene. I put the girls to bed, put the bin out, and woke DH to go to bed while I tidied up from dinner (that I made). He's not feeling 100% and that's what loving partners do.