To leave 14 year old for 4 days with 18 year old sibling?

[boyohboys]

18 year old has A levels so not wanting to go anywhere which is, but 14 year old also keen to stay at home too - AIBU to leave a 14 & 18 year plus be responsible 2 dogs & a cat for 4 days?

I suspect my judgement is somewhat clouded by the practicalities of youngest being there as he will happily take care of the dogs & other pets whereas oldest wouldn't want the dogs there so I'd have to find weekend boarding which is tricky. We have lovely immediate neighbours and a good network of local friends they could call or I could ask to pop in, but of course can arrange for youngest to stay with a pal and I'm sure find somewhere for the dogs if need be.
We'd be leaving very early but Thursday/Friday morning as opposed to 7:30 work department so they'd get themselves to school & dog sitter would come in the day. After school they'd be getting themselves home and whereas we'd usually get in around 6ish, they'd be fending for themselves. Both self-sufficient and pretty sensible & no issues with the odd late home from work or out socialising but have never done overnight. Weekend they'd be at revising, gaming or out doing usual stuff like going to the gym, meeting mates in the park but of course home alone the entire time. We get back very late Sunday night.

The more I write the less certain I am but still interested to hear what other thinks.

If they are both happy with this then yes, it is a good growing up experience for both of them. Baby steps into independence.

Get some easy cook nice food, or leave money for 1 takeout.

The 18 year old is possibly leaving for uni soon when they will be left for much longer that a few nights.

You know your kids, re parties etc… I wouldn’t have no concerns from mine so not all teenagers will plan a party once mum and dad are out of town.

That sounds fine, but surely you will need someone to walk the dogs whilst the kids are at school?

If they are happy with the arrangement, sensible kids and have a good relationship I'd say go for it

It'd be a no from me.

It’d be a no from me. It’s a lot of responsibility on the 18 yo. 14 is young to be left for 4 days in my view.

@Crazycatlady79 I already have a fab lady who comes 10-2 on the days I work away from home who is free both the Thursday & Friday - she tidies, cleans, irons, walks the dogs & hangs out with my rather needy dogs who can't be left more than a couple of hours at a time but she can't do overnights or weekends.

I think it depends on the sibling relationship. I stayed at home at this age, looked after the family pets, cooked for myself and dealt with the builders working on the house. My sibling is only 2.5 years younger and would not have been left behind as we argued, it wasn't until working and driving that we were left together so sibling would have been 17. Same with my DC both stayed home alone from 16 and overnight from 17 but not together.

You know your own children so know their capabilities, and they do sound really competent.
It's just that awful, ridiculously small, would never happen in a million years chance of something going horrendously wrong. At 18, studying and being responsible for his brother, pets, house and organising food for 4 days is a lot of responsibility.

I'd be ok with it., I assume you will be able to facetime them at some point

I recently left the 16 and 15 year old overnight with the dog. Made sure the fridge was well stocked, and ordered them a takeaway, they had their nan, uncle and aunty to call if anything happened

They'd even washed up when I got back.

No I wouldn't. The 14 year old is your responsibility. It isn't fair for the 18 year to be responsible for sibling, sister, house and pets!

Interesting. I'm wondering it might be better if we just let them stay home alone Thursday/Friday with usual dog sitter in place then Friday night pack youngest & dogs off to stay somewhere leaving the older one in peace. This feels less of an ask for people and might be good compromise if we can find someone willing! We went away last year and my parents stayed but 18 year old doesn't want babysitting anymore plus it's too much for my parents now.

It completely depends on the kids. I have a 17yo and 13yo and can imagine being fine with this scenario in a year's time, but my 17yo has been responsible for pets overnight a couple of times already. And neither of the dc are tearaways or partyers. I'd give them takeaway money for one night and let them order a gousto box for the three other nights, check in regularly with pet selfie etc, and let them enjoy the independence.

It would be a no for me.
Too much responsibility for the 18 year old and there would be a good chance they would spend a lot of time arguing....most 14 year olds wouldn't listen to their 18 year old siblings instructions no matter how sensible they are.

I find the suggestion that it’s too much responsibility for an 18 year old a bit weird. There are 18 year olds out there with their own children and have jobs or study alongside it.

OP this entirely depends on how much responsibility they are used to and their personalities. Some teenagers would be well capable and others wouldn’t.

Not all siblings argue! My 2 are best friends.

I think that's fine. Lots of support in place and it's only for 4 nights.

My DC at that age, I would have got a relative or good friend to come and make sure they were up and ready to go to school on the Thursday and Friday. I would also have arranged for someone to take the dogs from Friday afternoon / night.

Otherwise, why not.

Well at 17 I lived alone with a small baby, took them to nursery every morning and then went to school. Zero support. At 15 my oldest would be left for a day or two when I was away. Usually with a sensible friend and some cash for takeaways.
unless your teens are prone to fighting then I see no issue whatsoever.

It totally depends on your kids and their relationship

I do find it odd the amount of comments regarding it being a lot for the 18 year old, some 18 year olds care prominently for siblings or have kids of their own.

My biggest factor would be how well they get on. If the 14yo respects the 18yo.

I'm afraid our 15yr old wouldn't be getting to choose!

If they get on well and are both happy then I think it’s fine.

The 18 year old is an adult! If s/he is fine with it, especially as you have someone coming in to walk the dogs, I don't see the problem at all.
And I'm not at all surprised the 18 year old doesn't want to be babysat any more!
Unless there is more info you're not saying. Up to you, of course.
If you're still uncertain about the dogs I'd put them into kennels for the four days.

I think it’s the length of time that would make me think twice. Overnight would probably be ok, but 4 days is quite a while to leave an 18 year old in charge of a 14 year old. Are they nearly 15 or just turned 14? Yr10 pupils often seem more mature than Yr9 pupils. I think I’d probably try and send the youngest and dogs somewhere else.

Absolutely no concerns about the 18 year old he is very self-sufficient annd independent albeit a lazy sod so house might be a pigsty . It’s the youngest I’m a quandary about and struggling to find someone to have 2 dogs overnight (one with medical issues and the other very lively 1 year old still intact so no good for most boarders or kennels!).

When we booked the trip I was working on housesitter & have in fact found someone, but oldest is protesting as he’s right in the midst of exams and wants to be at home. And now youngest does too 😫

Younges this year 10 turns 15 in July. They get on ok, don’t really argue much just ignore each other mostly! . As long as we leave specific jobs for each of them they’ll be fine it’s the chores related “it’s not my turn to do x” that can cause tension.