To leave 14 year old for 4 days with 18 year old sibling?

[boyohboys]

18 year old has A levels so not wanting to go anywhere which is, but 14 year old also keen to stay at home too - AIBU to leave a 14 & 18 year plus be responsible 2 dogs & a cat for 4 days?

I suspect my judgement is somewhat clouded by the practicalities of youngest being there as he will happily take care of the dogs & other pets whereas oldest wouldn't want the dogs there so I'd have to find weekend boarding which is tricky. We have lovely immediate neighbours and a good network of local friends they could call or I could ask to pop in, but of course can arrange for youngest to stay with a pal and I'm sure find somewhere for the dogs if need be.
We'd be leaving very early but Thursday/Friday morning as opposed to 7:30 work department so they'd get themselves to school & dog sitter would come in the day. After school they'd be getting themselves home and whereas we'd usually get in around 6ish, they'd be fending for themselves. Both self-sufficient and pretty sensible & no issues with the odd late home from work or out socialising but have never done overnight. Weekend they'd be at revising, gaming or out doing usual stuff like going to the gym, meeting mates in the park but of course home alone the entire time. We get back very late Sunday night.

The more I write the less certain I am but still interested to hear what other thinks.

Nope. I can't think of a combination amongst my kids that wouldn't :

Be fine together as they get on but fail to also maintain security and safety
Fall out within a day and ring me constantly to complain
Lock themselves out the house while the other was somewhere else
Leave a shit tip for me to come back to
Forget to attend school/be late/somehow make out id abandoned them and invoke social care

@OneFrenchEgg

Be fine together as they get on but fail to also maintain security and safety

If they burn some toast the smoke alarm goes off, if they don't lock the door it certainly wouldn't be the first time the first month I went back to work it turns out no0one locked the front door. They are pretty sensible kids, both have jobs, get themselves about and I really wouldn't worry about the safety or security side.

Fall out within a day and ring me constantly to complain
Can't see it. More likely there will be swearing then they just ignore each other.

Leave a shit tip for me to come back to
Highly likely. I will moan, they will be marginally apologetic and with some nagging get it sorted. Much like usual.

Forget to attend school/be late/somehow make out id abandoned them and invoke social care
I will ring DS18 on the Thursday whilst we're at the airport to make sure he's up he has an exam at 9am that day but otherwise it's on them. There is an adult present social care would have zero interest and they are more likely to complain I'm over protective than abandoning them!

It has bugger all to do with age. It's their maturity you need to consider. If they are sensible, no problem.
I would have been fine at 14. My cousin however would have been a liability even at 19!

Why can’t the 18 year old take care of the dogs?

I think it's fine if you feel kids are responsible. At 14 I did 3 nights caring for a 2 year old and 4 year old I used to babysit!

Wow he's actually got an exam that day. Must admit that would take precedence over an adults only trip for me.

You know your own children ..if you think that they'll be responsible enough then that should be fine. Just make sure neighbours know that you're away and they can keep an eye open...as long as they have trusted adults close by that they can reach out to in an emergency all should be good.

Depends completely on the siblings themselves and what their relationship is like. My brother and I would have been perfectly fine for a few days at these ages - he was a reliable lad and I was an easy and sensible teenager.

How does the 18 year old feel about it? I think they should have a say in the decision about whether they’re going to be responsible for their sibling and pets. If they agree then I’d be tempted to have a trial run of a couple of nights before the wedding

Only you can know the answer as only you know your children. I did it but mine get on well. I also had a failsafe if something hadn't worked out.

Yes I could do this with my children. I haven’t and don’t think I would though, but they’d be fine.

Actually maybe I would if i had a close friend or family member close by if they needed.

It depends on the young people, how well they get on, how mature and sensible are they.

Reading your updates it sounds like you've got a good plan in place.

@boyohboys yeah we are all different if it works for you fair enough, answering for me those are the reasons.

I often looked after my younger siblings over night from 18. They were 15, 12 and 8. I drove them to school and cooked their meals. I personally don’t see a problem with it.

Really? Aren't they more likely to get ill/ injured when travelling?

I would gladly leave my 18yo to revise but he'd rather come on our break at Easter. He'll do anything to get out of revising.

Only you know the relationship between your kids. I mean if your 18 year old had got some girl pregnant at 16, and again at 17 and then she had died or run off, he could be a single dad to a baby and a toddler and unless there were very serious neglect/abuse concerns, no-one could make him give up those kids. I think it's ok if both kids are happy with it, and you think they won't argue. Do you think the 14 year old will listen to the 18 year old, and the 18 year old will respect the 14 year old?

Mine will be revising whilst away. Same in 2022 and 2023

I came here to say this! As a teen I was off looking after neighbours young children and I used to do house & dog sitting (think live-in dog walker) at 16 for extra money. Did a week once during half term and just had my mum check in on me/I'd walk home for lunch or dinner or cook something there...

We regularly leave DD18 and DS 14 for 3 nights as myself and DP work away quite often.
They also look after Dpuppy and 2 darling horses!!

It has been the making of them

Nope. No way.

I think that sounds like a good compromise- 4 nights might be a long time for them but a couple of nights should be fine.

They will be fine.

Honestly I’d be embarrassed to admit I couldn’t leave two children I’d raised alone for a few days.

Better to keep siblings together I'd say. Lonely otherwise. Why split them up? How childish is this 14 yo? 15 you're practically an adult.

This thread makes me understand why the world is so messed up.

they’ll be fine, tell them you’ve told next door your away if they see or hear them fighting you will arrange for the younger one to go to grandparents from wherever you are.

we live in a world where you can be almost constantly in touch remotely.

do they normally take care of the dogs ? That would be my main concern.

at 13 I used to babysit overnight for 2 different families with no mobile phones.

home alone situations I’d have been too scared to have a wild party.

at 14/15 my friends mum went off for 3 weeks and she had crazy mad parties just made sure to clean up before they were home.