To leave 14 year old for 4 days with 18 year old sibling?

[boyohboys]

18 year old has A levels so not wanting to go anywhere which is, but 14 year old also keen to stay at home too - AIBU to leave a 14 & 18 year plus be responsible 2 dogs & a cat for 4 days?

I suspect my judgement is somewhat clouded by the practicalities of youngest being there as he will happily take care of the dogs & other pets whereas oldest wouldn't want the dogs there so I'd have to find weekend boarding which is tricky. We have lovely immediate neighbours and a good network of local friends they could call or I could ask to pop in, but of course can arrange for youngest to stay with a pal and I'm sure find somewhere for the dogs if need be.
We'd be leaving very early but Thursday/Friday morning as opposed to 7:30 work department so they'd get themselves to school & dog sitter would come in the day. After school they'd be getting themselves home and whereas we'd usually get in around 6ish, they'd be fending for themselves. Both self-sufficient and pretty sensible & no issues with the odd late home from work or out socialising but have never done overnight. Weekend they'd be at revising, gaming or out doing usual stuff like going to the gym, meeting mates in the park but of course home alone the entire time. We get back very late Sunday night.

The more I write the less certain I am but still interested to hear what other thinks.

Interesting I would have said a definite yes to your first plan but a no to the Saturday night plan with a friend of your youngest coming over!

I would, but I don't live in the UK. Here kids' independence gets developed early, they are supposed to walk to (neighborhood) kindergarten and school from 4 years of age on.
We would be fine leaving our 15 year old home alone for a long weekend. She's sensible and I would make sure we are always reachable by phone.

Her BF's parents left him home alone for a week last year, when he was 14, and at that time my daughter would not have been ready for that (nor would I). I still wouldn't leave her for a week, as I think it's too long. I think she'd be fine with that, but I would not feel comfortable.

I left my two for five nights, same ages, no dogs just a Guinea pig. They were fine. Your boys sound similar to my girls, get on well with no really serious bickering to worry about. The eldest girl loved the responsibility.
Filled the fridge and freezer up with easy cook meals and left cash for bus fares, treats and take aways and I had good neighbours who were on standby if needed.

Obviously rules were put in place, get themselves to school and college on time with required kit.
Safety wise. I knew they’d be sensible with keys, locking the doors, turning taps and oven off. We put contingency plans in place, a spare key with a neighbour, phone numbers for doctor, a plumber etc in case of emergencies and my sister was primed to step in if needed. (Neighbour had her number)

They kept to their usual activities after school and because a weekend was involved, they could have friends over but no parties.
We didn’t come back to a shit tip but eldest always did clean up after herself.

Hmmm I think it would be a no from me because there's potential for conflict between your children. Is your 14 year old going to listen if the 18 year old asks them to do something and is effectively responsible for them (in charge)? They might get on really well normally but from experience of being left once like this as a teen with my siblings, things can change quickly once the folks are away. Plus if your 18 year old is studying, there's a chance they may want to just get their head down for the 4 days. That's commendable for them but does leave a 14 year old somewhat left to their own devices...

I think it’s fine if do it

Ultimately depends on your kids but if they are happy with the arrangement and it’s all organised I don’t see a problem.
Kids are bubble wrapped too much.
When I was 10 my mum would leave me with my newborn brother for an hour or so. When I was 15 she'd leave me with my baby sister much longer. At 18 I’d have been happy hanging out with my 14 year old brother for 4 days.
so, it’s all down to your kids really.

Depends on what type of person the 14 year old is. If they are independent and happy with the arrangement I see no issue.

Maybe just organise for them to go to a friend/neighbour for dinner a couple of nights?

All these people giving examples- did they miss its the day of their A level exams?

For me that's a huge difference.

There's a limit to what revision you can get done in a caravan with 3 other teens and 3 other adults who aren't revising!

You know your own kids. If it were my two I wouldn’t hesitate.

18 is legally an adult. My granddaughter has been left in charge, of house, with a labrador! by my daughter, but not with her 14 yr old sister. Obv they are left for a few hours. As others said, is the responsibility of the sibling that's a bit much, maybe one night is OK.

We are off for a long weekend tomorrow. 16 year old staying home, only second time he has been left over night and last time was barely 18 hours.

almost 15 year old is not happy to have been shipped out to her cousins and really wanted to stay home. I do this when DS turns 17 later this year and DD will be 15.5 that I will leave them both.

Cat sitting comes as a bonus!

I'm so pleased you asked this question. I don't know how to vote but I too have an 18 & 14 y.o. and we have only done one overnight away so far. Kind of want to take advantage before DD goes to Uni as then would be back to leaving a then-15 DS which wouldn't be right. But we can't decide how long is acceptable to leave them together,so an watching this thread with interest. Just the one cat though. ..!

Fine to leave them but not with the responsibility of the dogs!

This is absolutely fine! If your 18 year old is willing and trustworthy on this then I'd go ahead.

My Mum (single parent) died from cancer when I was 17 and I spent the last 2 months of her life caring for her, bathing her, feeding us all.
When she died my brother and I (he was 14) were home alone for 3 weeks waiting a placement. We survived. Not thrived but we coped. And we were burgled.

You know your kids the best. I’m sure your kids with be fine. So will the dogs. Maybe leave them take away money for Saturday night as a treat. And out of office Vet telephone number.

The actual exam is on the same day? Then I change my answer.

Yup!

All this "I did it" "my kids are respinsible" etc posts seem to miss that and that's what I think would be important in supporting my child when they have A levels.not leaving them responsible for a 14 year old/pets etc when they have an A level exam! I'd want to be around even if it's just to exchange grunts and wohs them luck.

I've just read your previous post- aim so sorry 😔.

I said earlier too kids would survive fine if OP had to go on a business trip etc I'm sure but to go on a jolly when they have an A level exam isn't something I'd do.

Similarly "we're off tomorrow" posts etc - I don't think even gcse exams have started... so many posts saying "we did it" or "well do it in the summer". Well it's different to the day of an A level exam!

I did a lot of looking after myself (neglect) and I can't imagine not having one of us there for exams.

We've changed plans for next Easter so one of ours can be home to revise before exams as being away would make them anxious /conflicted and unable to revise.

Only you know. Have you left them alone overnight before? You're technically leaving your 14 year old with an adult. But it sounds like your 14 year old is more mature.

I commute weekly, so my DDs (18 and 14) are home alone a fair bit. 23 year old DS is also with them, but not especially domestic. It works fine, other than mess and having to referee arguments at the weekend where petty grievances have built up during the week. It can be stressful, but I don't worry about their safety.

We left ours for 4 nights at this age. I did have a moment of ‘what were we thinking’ as we left for the airport but they were fine. We have good neighbours and grandparents were on hand.

I’d say do it you know your children like you say oldest is 18 and if your 14 year old is self sufficient I dnt see a problem. My 14 year old is more self sufficient that my 16 yr old 🤣. It’s not like you can’t speak to them and if you have a network around you then there should be no problems