To leave 14 year old for 4 days with 18 year old sibling?

[boyohboys]

18 year old has A levels so not wanting to go anywhere which is, but 14 year old also keen to stay at home too - AIBU to leave a 14 & 18 year plus be responsible 2 dogs & a cat for 4 days?

I suspect my judgement is somewhat clouded by the practicalities of youngest being there as he will happily take care of the dogs & other pets whereas oldest wouldn't want the dogs there so I'd have to find weekend boarding which is tricky. We have lovely immediate neighbours and a good network of local friends they could call or I could ask to pop in, but of course can arrange for youngest to stay with a pal and I'm sure find somewhere for the dogs if need be.
We'd be leaving very early but Thursday/Friday morning as opposed to 7:30 work department so they'd get themselves to school & dog sitter would come in the day. After school they'd be getting themselves home and whereas we'd usually get in around 6ish, they'd be fending for themselves. Both self-sufficient and pretty sensible & no issues with the odd late home from work or out socialising but have never done overnight. Weekend they'd be at revising, gaming or out doing usual stuff like going to the gym, meeting mates in the park but of course home alone the entire time. We get back very late Sunday night.

The more I write the less certain I am but still interested to hear what other thinks.

Depends on the kids. Would have been fine with mine, but I do have my mother nearby & she could check them.

They're on their own though, learning to look after themselves! It's the responsibility of another person that's the issue. (I have children of those ages)

I would, with written instructions! They’ll be fine.

Install the housesitter - if they are happy to supervise / babysit 14yo. Tell 18 yo they are there for the dogs and the 14 yo. Then you won't have to worry. If 18 yo kicks off tell them it's due to the fact they have said they need to be free to study and you agree. If 14 yo wants to go to a friend for a night or two they can. 18yo may not like it but they've made their own bed really.

I don't actually think 18 & 14 is too young to be left but it sounds like 18 yo isn't interested in taking care of dogs or supervising sibling & just wants the house to themself. Which doesn't suit you..

I think 4 nights is too long for the 14 year old really. We left our DDs (18 and 15 at the time) for one night but I wouldn’t have done it for 4 nights.
Our youngest is moaning that they don’t want to go away if eldest isn’t coming anymore but it’s not really their choice at that age.

Just go enjoy ya self I was left all alone with my request at 15 years old when my mum went to Greece for a week no siblings at home coz my sister went with her and she's younger than me anyway I had mates round we watched films and ate takeaways we didn't have raves but I was absolutely fine I loved it coz I felt so grown up and guess what I'm 39 now and still alive. Its not like you are leaving your youngest on their own they will have an adult (18+) there so go it's only a few nights u know your boys more than anyone on here does so don't take the negative nancies advice some ppl want to wrap their kids in cotton wool and never let them experience anything well the problem with that is without experiencing the bad they will never experience the good. Go with what your gut tells u not a bunch of strangers on the Internet that don't know your boys think.

There is 3.5 years between mine and we did similar at similar ages.
Dc1 was probably 18.5 & ds2 15. I'd have done the same over the previous year, but it was peak covid so no one was going anywhere.

Dc2 is now 18 and if he had a younger sibling I'd do the same.

For me, it does depend on the dynamics of your children, potential local support etc.

The 18 year old is in the middle of exams!

Be certain that you will be blamed if their results are poor.

For this reason alone I would not leave on a trip unless it was impossible not to go.

No I wouldn't even consider this.

Mainly as your 18 year old is in the middle for exams. They need a quiet house and not being responsible for a 14 year old.

Yes of course 18 year old can be responsible but being responsible for your own baby/travelling is very different to a carefree 14 year old who is unlikely to listen to you tell them to wash up.

I think it's manageable if you had to go say single parent work trip but no way would I do this to a child in the middle of exams.

They need you there and definitely don't need more responsibility.

Can just 1 of you go to the wedding?

We did it last year, Mon-Fri, when ours were 15 and 19. They were fine. DS did sleep in one morning for school but it was a lesson learned and not an issue for me. No parties happened, DS made it to footy training, DD made it to work.

All our friends locally were aware they were on their own and were happy to be contacted in an emergency. Two of my friends walk past my house daily on their dog walk anyway and said they'd report back if anything looked askew.

The cats were fed (probably over fed!). The dishwasher had been run, the place was tidy enough.

We came home and treated them to some duty free perfumes, chocolate and a takeaway.

Later on in the year we left 15yr old DS on his own Friday to Sunday and he was fine.

I think we've got good kids, we've brought them up to be mostly sensible and independent and little things like this stand them in good stead for life.

And at least we discussed it before we went - unlike my own parents when I was 17 and my brother 15 - we came home to a note on the dining table saying "we've gone to Tenerife for a week. Here is £50 cash, look after the dog and phone your aunt if you need anything" !!!

My parents left my 18 year old sister in charge of me and our brother when we were 13 and 11. For 2 weeks. It was fine. I think responsible children at this age for 4 nights is fine. 18 is an adult and could easily have children of their own and 14 is actually pretty independent, with the added security of an 18 year old sibling.

@stayathomer the issue will be it’s not neutered

Yes of course 18 year old can be responsible but being responsible for your own baby/travelling is very different to a carefree 14 year old who is unlikely to listen to you tell them to wash up.

I don't think it's the 18yo's business to be 'telling' a 14yo to wash up. Parents can set ground rules about how they expect the house to look when they return (clean and tidy, washing up done etc), otherwise leave them to it.

If the 14yo is likely to go wild in parents' absence, then no don't leave him/her. But the average 14yo should be capable of getting him/herself up and out to school, getting something to eat, doing homework, tidying up after him/herself and getting to bed at a reasonable hour without needing instructions or supervision.

I was left with a sibling at 15.For weekend, regularly .
It was lonely as sibling went out and left me alone. I would go into town alone, walk down long dark lanes late at night. I could have been abducted.
The young teen us not going to be indoors under lock and key. Theyll go out and be in danger.
Never brainwash yourself and think ' its okay'

That's quite different to what the OP is suggesting though.

No the 14 year old is too young for 4 days and it's not the 18 years responsibility to baby sit

With the right 14yr old it would be absolutely fine, so it comes down to you know your kids best. We do baby kids quite a lot these days. (In some ways for the better, but not always)
My babysitter started with me when she was 14 and my little one was a few months old (I was self employed and worked in an annex at home, so close by) she was and still is amazing and would be calm in a crisis, so she would have 100% been fine looking after herself and a few animals for 4 days.
However I work with teenagers....and some of them most definitely would not be!
Sounds to me like your kids will be fine, but as I said, you know them best.

Is the 14yo going to listen to the 18yo if necessary? Is the 18yo going to be sensible? Do they normally get on?

Thanks everyone for the feedback. Had a sit down with the DC last night and have come up with a plan that we are all happy with:

DS 18 will stay home all weekend feed cats & sort himself out. He is right in the think of exams so whilst I might usually be worried about parties, even if he's up for it I doubt many of his mates would be as they are all quite academic. Never say never and rules will be in place.

DS 14 can stay here Thursday night then Friday stay at a friend straight from school. He & friend then coming back to ours for Saturday night. Know him & parents well, zero drama and have stayed home alone together before at ours & theirs usually just gaming & eating pizza (thankfully yet to discover a social life!). He might have sport on Sunday but can arrange a lift - he's very low maintenance & self-sufficient so can barely imagine much interaction with his brother let alone drama!

I'm still working on dogs and have contacted some local home boarders as all agreed it would be easier if they we could drop them somewhere Wednesday evening and have them dropped back Saturday afternoon so only really 24 hours for the boys' to cover. Might have to pay a bit extra for sole charge (yes uncastrated is the reason for no kennels @stayathomer ) & drop-off but it would be good to find someone anyway so fingers crossed it all works out.

Really helpful & feeling quite thankful my kids are self reliant enough for this to be an option.

it's not the 18 years responsibility to baby sit

'Baby sit'??? A fourteen year old?

It’s the 18 year old I wouldn’t be leaving alone. They are about to sit exams so I’d not be going anywhere without them

So long as the siblings have a decent relationship I think this is fine.

I would and in pretty identical situation but 19 and 14 and also boy girl but no pets we are leaving them tomorrow from lunch till Friday evening so one overnight.
If this goes well we have going away abroad in May for a week and they will be staying home together the eldest will be 20 then . The youngest has a choice to stay with grandma who’s only 5 minutes away but she wants to stay home with big bro they don’t argue.