To leave 14 year old for 4 days with 18 year old sibling?

[boyohboys]

18 year old has A levels so not wanting to go anywhere which is, but 14 year old also keen to stay at home too - AIBU to leave a 14 & 18 year plus be responsible 2 dogs & a cat for 4 days?

I suspect my judgement is somewhat clouded by the practicalities of youngest being there as he will happily take care of the dogs & other pets whereas oldest wouldn't want the dogs there so I'd have to find weekend boarding which is tricky. We have lovely immediate neighbours and a good network of local friends they could call or I could ask to pop in, but of course can arrange for youngest to stay with a pal and I'm sure find somewhere for the dogs if need be.
We'd be leaving very early but Thursday/Friday morning as opposed to 7:30 work department so they'd get themselves to school & dog sitter would come in the day. After school they'd be getting themselves home and whereas we'd usually get in around 6ish, they'd be fending for themselves. Both self-sufficient and pretty sensible & no issues with the odd late home from work or out socialising but have never done overnight. Weekend they'd be at revising, gaming or out doing usual stuff like going to the gym, meeting mates in the park but of course home alone the entire time. We get back very late Sunday night.

The more I write the less certain I am but still interested to hear what other thinks.

Yes I would and have.

cash, food, FaceTime (every 5 minutes from one of them 🙄)

it was fine!

a new Xbox game each oiled the waters as well

Yes I did with ds17 and dd14 a couple of years ago, they were fine. Dog came with me!

I think being in the middle of exams makes a difference, so I wouldn't agree to the yo7 get one staying. If the younger one causes chaos (late night music for example) it could affect the older one's exams

They'll be fine.

Leave plenty of grub and threaten them with Gőtterdämmerung if there is but a mote of dust out of place.

When you return to what may well resemble the aftermath of the Somme, give them hell and go to bed. Things will be better in the morning. Eat the chocolates you bought for them in front of them mumbling about consequences.

As long as no one is dead/missing/ pregnant you can chalk it up as a success. Plus you get extra chocolates to eat.

No, I wouldn't.

I’m pretty sure I did this at similar ages and it was fine. But I had a 3rd child who was between those two. Also we had a dog to be cared for.

You know your kids best and I knew mine would be responsible in this scenario.

I'd feel confident to do that providing another adult was on call for any real emergency situation.

My 18yo drives so my main concern would be her disappearing off and leaving younger one alone too much but it would be a discussion I'd have with then prior to going. Both are capable of looking after pets.

4 days is quite a little while though. Maybe overnight at first?

I'm hoping to be able to leave my DC (15 and 13 currently) alone for a night in a years time. They don't like coming away with us, especially camping, and would prefer to stay at home than go to grandparents. I thought we would start with an overnight when we are less than 2 hours away (grandparents are closer) and see how it goes. They are very sensible and get on really well. I wouldn't do it till oldest is 16 but think it's a good intro to independence.

An 18 and 14 year old sounds fine, especially as there are people nearby in case of emergencies.

This, totally.
So many 18 year olds go on solo gap years/off to uni/ move out at 18. They are adults. As long as they get on ok and the 14 year old is respectful of their sibling being in charge then absolutely no reason why not.

Mine were 17 and 14 when I started leaving them home. Set some firm rules about number of friends that can be in the house at any one time, and a list of expectations for as you walk in the door (eg all crockery etc in dishwasher, rubbish being emptied, kitchen floor and work surfaces clean). And give them two hours notice of when exactly you'll be home.

Same! Moved out at 18 - FT job, rented a flat in town with a friend 🫡

If they get on and are happy to stay together I don't see a problem with it.

I think 14 is too young to opt out of a family holiday so I’d expect him to go. Do you think he’d enjoy it when he got there? surely it was planned with him in mind?

It’s a wedding and DC aren’t invited!

Depends on the kids. I had left home and had a full time job and rent to pay on a flat etc. My mum tried to leave my then 4 year old brother and 10 year old sister with me for 3 weeks whilst they went on a cruise I politely declined. There was a lot of abuse between my step dad and me (siblings dad) he was the reason I left. But I can't see many 18 year old being ok with that either. But if the 14 year old is sensible I would consider it.

Use your judgement. When I was 16 my parents left me home alone for a few days and I had a wild and out of control party that really pissed all the neighbours off.

They still don't know about. Random people stared showing up, some much older and so much stuff could have been stolen or broken but thankfully wasn't. The pavement outside my house was covered in vomit and took ages to clean.

as long as you can trust the 14 year old and 18 year old and don’t expect them to cause trouble then it should be fine

I don’t think it’s obviously a terrible idea, but if you haven’t left them overnight before, then I don’t think a 4 day trip is a good idea to start with. Do you have time to try out a night or two away before the wedding? See how it goes and make your decision based on that?

I would be happier for the 14 year old to go and stay with your parents for all or part of the weekend. It is too much of a risk when your older child needs to study. I would not be happy for the 14 year old to be out and about with friends and you not there to rescue them.

The 18 year old, I would be happy to leave and for them to care for the dogs.

I think it's fine if they are responsible and you trust them.

A four day wedding with no children? That would be a no from me.

I think it really depends on what your 18yo thinks, plus how sensible your 14yo is. At 19, I looked after my siblings age 13 and 17 for a similar time, including drivng my 13yo sister to school. It was uni holidays, so I wasn't stressed about work and was happy to help. If you have agreed expectations e.g. who walks the dogs, how much looking after the 18yo needs to do, and both are happy, then I think it's fine.

I would-and did leave mine. BUT they got on incredibly well- they are in their 20s now and have never fallen out or been mean to each other. Depends on the kids, I reckon.

I think you need to build up to it slowly.
See if the 14yo can go somewhere else for a couple of days.