Do career women get more kudos than part-timers/sahms?

[Mcemmabell]

I don't know if it's just my experience, but I feel like I hear a rhetoric day to day where the women I know who are very career focused (demanding full time work, considered "high flying") get kudos and praise from other women. I've recently heard relatives and friends talking with admiration about how dedicated and hard working women in these positions are. But women who work part time or are sahms, I don't hear them getting any praise for the hours they put into childcare and keeping house. Or the sacrifices they make for their children.

Is this just part of the sexist discourse that diminishes the value of any traditional female activity? I would love to hear someone say "Oh, Jean works so hard to take care of her kids." But I never do.

Note: I take the feminist attitude that women should be supported to do whichever of these they want. No one is better than anyone else because they work full time out of the house or because they take care of their kids full time in the house.

Anyway, am I imagining things or is looking after your own children (as a mother) still an undervalued activity that gets very little recognition from the outside world?

In my case I do as she stays home while I work from home . Your example is just valid for 3 years or thereabouts and serves to actually emphasise how bad maternity leave is in the U.K. and how bad childcare is , but as you probably know now , once you get home all the meals , plans , activities etc are there to be done .

Honestly I just don't care about kudos or approval from other women, I'm still home even with my youngest now in secondary school because our family works best with me home doing everything here and helping 2 sets of elderly parents and dh earning the money . I don't have less value because I don't do paid work , for many years I've done primarily school helping readers , costume making, bonnet making , parent helper on trips and now helping 2 sets of parents with their lives . My value isn't in a job it's in the person I am 😊

for many years I've done primarily school helping readers , costume making, bonnet making , parent helper on trips

when i was a sahm for 7 years… i never did any of this! 😂

I just don't understand why someone would need 'kudos' for looking after their own children, cooking food which they are also going to eat and cleaning their own house. Especially as working parents also need to cook, clean etc and obviously look after their children when they aren't at work.

Kudos isn’t something I really want from the outside world. Appreciation from my own family, yes.
I’m a single mum, ex isn’t around and I don’t have much support. I work full time in a demanding (not well paid!) role. Colleagues with partners often tell me they don’t know how I do it all. I don’t feel proud of myself when they say it. I feel shame because I can’t do it all. I think about the state of my kitchen, or that the kids haven’t done much at half term because I had to work. I’d love to work pt and manage everything better, and would swap that for the odd nice comment in a heartbeat. But I have to provide.

I think that's an entirely reasonable position. You're happy with your own situation because it works for you and your family. You're not seeking validation from anyone else.

This seems to me to be a much healthier attitude than those who complain about "being undervalued". Nobody should be relying on approval from others for their own sense of self worth.

It's because in my experience and most of my friends, it's harder to work full time with kids than be a sahm .

It's because in my experience and most of my friends, it's harder to work full time with kids than be a sahm .

In my experience it's also harder to work full time without kids than be a SAHM.

"AllProperTeaIsTheft · Today 16:09

It's because in my experience and most of my friends, it's harder to work full time with kids than be a sahm .

In my experience it's also harder to work full time without kids than be a SAHM."

That's not my experience at all. Depends on the age of the kids but I've done FT work with and without kids, and SAHP to twins up till the age of 4. In my experience the hardest BY FAR is being a SAHM to twins babies or toddlers.

Going back to work when they started reception was so much easier.

I have a full time job and I'm a lone parent. I don't care about the Kudos I care about my financial independence.

And judging by the thread I've just read where the poor woman just got shafted by her partner after 20 years of bringing up their kids and being left with nothing but half a house (no pension, not married, no means of employment) we should all take note.

Kudos has got nothing to do with it.
Self preservation and financial independence however should be a priority.

It's easier if you're not a woman, no one judges a man for going back to work when their child is days old, for not going part time, or gives 2 shits if they made sports day or the school play!

@Queenconsult, have you always been such an arrant snob, or has life made you thus?

People get kudos for their careers - and there are plenty with careers who are part time.

People who don't have careers don't cause they don't have a career.

The same differential applies for those who have jobs rather than careers.

Exactly and I really hope all those SAHM’s who have commented here are married or they too may find themselves in that boat. Exactly why I have always worked and can never be left in that position as life can change very quickly in a heartbeat and as women we need to protect ourselves.

Being a SAHM, working part time, having a career - none is really any more valuable than another on a practical level. And of course all value different things, have different talents, different priorities.

IMO women with these kinds of ‘high flying’ careers get kudos for it because:

a) people are often still surprised to see them in those kinds of roles at all, so that they’ve achieved it is notable

b) it is pretty impressive really to build and maintain a career at that level, while also running a home and a family

The domestic stuff and family care / management doesn’t go away because you’re at work. You have to do that too.

I have no idea how single parents with full
time jobs cope tbh.

@Zanatdy

I shall put your mind at rest then as I'm one of of those sahm commenting

Married
Pension contributions paid
Full Access to all money
All savings in joint names
House joint names

I do agree with you though that if you are a sahm it's important to have these things in place .

An unproductive, unnecessary question to ask in the first place, prompting some really nasty, competitive responses from people who are probably quite insecure.

My takeaway is that if you've been sounding off from your high horse on a Mumsnet thread for most of a Tuesday afternoon, you're probably not doing a very good job at work or at home so you'd get no kudos from me either way.

Has @Mcemmabell really absconded from the thread, after asking people to point out where she said ‘career women’….?

Yes you’re married - that’s the difference as this person was unmarried and that’s the point I was making. She doesn’t have access to the pension, savings we’re in her partners name, and the house the only thing that is in joint names but she has no idea what equity there is available. I think many women in this group are under the wrong impression that marriage offers no protection and it’s ‘just a piece of paper’. Fair enough if they work, earn similar money, have a house in joint names. But every day I see posts on here from women who are unmarried and have zero protection.

Ime mothers get told we're wrong no matter what we do.
Career woman - neglecting your kids, why have kids for someone else to raise them.
PT gets sneering about leaving the work to the full timers and complaints about part timers not doing a full day, er, for part time wages!
Sahm you're a leech. You're not a feminist, not a good example for your children

It's just part of the general attitude in society that a woman's place is in the wrong.
And what fucks me off the list is how many women actively participate in this shit!

Oh. Pmsl. Just saw Op vanished after demanding people show where she said career women and it was pointed out it's her actual thread title!

That's funny.

This. Same here.

I work from home 3-4 days per week and travel 1-2. But they're not the same days and so people see me around the playground etc regularly and likely have no idea how hard I work around that!

@Tittyfilarious81 I'm glad you've been sensible, got married with full access to money.

The question is do you have a career/job you could return to if you ended up divorced with half a house?

Half a house is pointless if you can't pay for the mortgage, bills etc.

I see it on here all the time. Women absolutely fcked despite being cautious they put their own income and pension contributions on hold for years and then have to take low paid jobs to survive after sudden splits/divorce.

@jeaux90 I do understand what you are getting at and being a sahm does have its risks but for me personally should I ever need to go back to work I'd be able to.

If you think ambitious women are cherished and praised you’re living in a very different world to me.