Do career women get more kudos than part-timers/sahms?

[Mcemmabell]

I don't know if it's just my experience, but I feel like I hear a rhetoric day to day where the women I know who are very career focused (demanding full time work, considered "high flying") get kudos and praise from other women. I've recently heard relatives and friends talking with admiration about how dedicated and hard working women in these positions are. But women who work part time or are sahms, I don't hear them getting any praise for the hours they put into childcare and keeping house. Or the sacrifices they make for their children.

Is this just part of the sexist discourse that diminishes the value of any traditional female activity? I would love to hear someone say "Oh, Jean works so hard to take care of her kids." But I never do.

Note: I take the feminist attitude that women should be supported to do whichever of these they want. No one is better than anyone else because they work full time out of the house or because they take care of their kids full time in the house.

Anyway, am I imagining things or is looking after your own children (as a mother) still an undervalued activity that gets very little recognition from the outside world?

Which is how it should be! You’re both incredible! Luckily I’m the same with my friends. We’re all in different situations and we respect each other.

Well yes, because they are doing something more difficult than those who just stay at home.

Really not sure how some are struggling to get this

So basically you’re saying anyone who works should be given kudos for purely working? That’s a different argument. I assumed this post was more about giving kudos to women for how they cope with their family unit and how they are in general. Besides, most sahp do return to the workforce. And contribute to the economy with all the coffee buying and doing things in the local community, like taking up all the space in the local cafes and play centres 🤣 (I say this as an ex sahm)

😂

In your title

Nope. I'm saying that society offers kudos for jobs that are societally beneficial. It doesn't always identify which ones do this, but that's the principle underlying the kudos. And that's as it should be - people who do the most essential jobs that everyone needs to be done should 100% be receiving kudos.

SAHP is not societally beneficial (above and beyond being a parent full stop), so like with jobs that offer no societal benefit, society doesn't give those doing it kudos.

Being a working mum is hard. To hold down a career and be a good mum is very hard.

These women deserve praise.

Staying at home to look after one's own children is not beneficial to societyThis. I suspect "society" would much rather I was paying tax and working than at home doing the things which interest me especially given the tax payer funded both my University degrees.

Not just raising their children, but raising them well. This is the important distinction and one that you don't seem to even acknowledge.

Even if we take a completely capitalist perspective, society needs the next generation to be populated with capable, competent people to fill the roles we need to keep the economy going. This means children need to be well educated and one of the biggest markers for academic success is parental input. This can mean devoting many hours and sometimes quite a lot of money towards helping your child meet their academic potential. This isn't even accounting for potential SEN that if left undiagnosed can wreak havoc on a child's schooling. The process of getting a diagnosis and support in place can be incredibly time consuming and require a huge effort from parents.

We also need them to have long working lives underpinned by good health which means parents need to invest time and money making sure their children eat well and exercise. Cooking from scratch every night and running children to various sporting activities takes many hours a week. There is also currently a mental health crisis massively impacting the workforce and the seeds of this are sown in the childhood. It is important for the economy that parents invest resources in supporting their children's mental wellbeing at an early age.

So put bluntly, yes it's easy to keep a child alive and get them to adulthood but it isn't easy to raise a child properly. Parents don't 'have to' do anything above the bare minimum and yet most will go way beyond that. This benefits society and it therefore makes sense that we give kudos to this as it is something want to encourage.

Being a SAHP isn’t any more beneficial for the outcome of children though.

people can manage challenging careers and raise their children well

People get kudos for doing difficult things most of the time. Raising a well rounded child isn’t really that difficult

Not in my experience! I'm almost made to feel bad for working full time and not dropping my hours etc to look after DC. I'd love to...just can't afford to!

Same here as @NewYearNewJob2024.

I get shamed for 'putting my career first' and I should go part time etc

You can't win whatever you do

When you look at society it does seen to be pretty difficult to raise well rounded children, sadly. I’m guessing you haven’t worked in schools either. And you are forgetting that for some people they are definitely better parents when they stay at home. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with acknowledging that. It’s just a bit sad that it’s not seen as important. I think some people on here read that and assume a view that staying at home can make you a good parent, means there is some counter attack to those that don’t. There isn’t. It’s just the case for some people. It’s quite normal to want to raise a baby/small child yourself and it’s a bit depressing women are chastised for this. It’s very possible to support different choices.
Personally, I was so thankful I could stay at home with my kid with additional needs and it’s fucking hard and no way would I have been able to give him all the support he needed otherwise. Now I’m better when I work as I need that break (which personally I find easier!) and my mental health is better. I have a friend who is still a sahm because she struggles to work full time and be a good mum. She is a LOVELY person raising lovely boys and I’m glad she has that choice. I’d hate to think she would be chastised for raising lovely men.

well i don't think any women really get kudos for caring for their own kids unless the children have additional needs (because that's more than typical parenting) and possibly multiples.
I get told frequently i'm a good Mom, what a good job i'm doing but DS has long term medical needs, we're very lucky he survived babyhood and then when we braved another child we had twins so i get praised for coping with that too.
However i imagine i'd get more praise if i also worked because then i'd be doing all of what i'm doing plus making a recognisable contribution to society.

If it's not that difficult then why do so many parents apparently fail to raise well rounded kids? Why do so many adults have issues that stem back to their childhood? You only need to look at society to see that there are lots of messed up people with a whole heap of baggage from their childhoods.

This isn't about being a SAHP or WOHP but about acknowledging the effort and time that parenting takes if done properly. Too many children are dragged up by adults that don't appreciate this and it is the children and society that pay the price.

Well it all depends on your perspective. Someone who has intense career long hrs .has someone else bringing up there children most of the time during there working week.someone who is a stay at home mum is vulnerable if her hubby decides to leave her .the mum who works part time seems to be in the best position she sees her children plenty and is financially independent ..personally no I don't give kudos to having leaving your children in someone else's care and seeing them maybe two hrs a day 5 days a week but that's just my opinion ..

I agree and I find all these attitudes quite sad.

Cooking from scratch every night and running children to various sporting activities takes many hours a week.

Though lots of non-working parents don’t do this. Some do a crap job with their kids!

It’s hard to do anything really well and having an amazingly successful career and kids is not going to be easy.

Having kids and not working is going to be a mixed bag-some will have lots of kids at home all day every day-run off their feet, some will be home-baking and taking them to all manner of clubs, others will have kids at school all day and feed them fishfingers and not talk to them when they get him.

Many of us are somewhere in the middle, trying to fit everything in and doing the best we can. I’ve not got an amazing high-earning career, but do work in a professional role and am bringing the kids up as best as I can.

I’d try and worry less about what other people are saying and try to be happy with your situation :)

Yes, Ive noticed that, but luckily the judgy ones aren't my friends so it's all good. I actually had other mums a couple times refuse to interact with me when they found out I didn't have a career, it was sad really but whatever.

I don't do anything for kudos

People failing a task doesn’t automatically make that task difficult or worthy of praise

I don't think the kudos that society affords to a job has anything to do with it's intrinsic value to society. We revere money, power and status generally more than 'usefulness'. The high power corporate lawyer or stock broker is given more kudos than a supermarket worker or refuse worker.

There is also the issue that many jobs actively detriment society in some ways but yet people still take these roles as they need the money. Should we look down on those who work in a vaping or betting shop? What if it's the only job they can get? Do we give kudos because they're working and working is inherently 'good'? What about the oil workers extracting fossil fuels that are causing global warming?

We say SAHPs have no benefit to society but do we extend that to anyone providing childcare? If it's about ratios then are nannys or small scale childminders also intrinsically non-beneficial to society as they look after a similar number of children? What about any other task or activity that is done at smaller scale than it needs to be? Are tutors not beneficial to society because they could be teaching a class of 30 kids etc? if it's just about the fact that the SAHPs children are their own then if a bunch of SAHPs got together and swapped kids and paid each other to look after the children would that suddenly be beneficial to society? What is it about being a SAHP that makes people so adamant that it doesn't benefit society when ostensibly similar roles seem to be accepted as beneficial?

@Queenconsult I don't know. Carers work hard, with a lot of juggling time and money, which makes life stressful

I have the impression some bankers are v well paid for what they do, and not necessarily overly stressed in the role

in the title of your post....

Do career women get more kudos than part-timers/sahms?

Mother goes to work - gets criticised for "not bringing up their own children"
Father goes to work - providing for his family

SAHM - lazy, wasting their education, kept women etc etc
SAHD - literally superman

🙄🙄