His holiday

[toomanyjellyfish]

Help me get some perspective. dP (together 8 months). We have decided to move in together after we've been together a year and the goal is to next year buy a house. I have 75k for a deposit which will help us secure a place. We had a plan to greet a shared bank account, save and basically start to share finances.

This weekend he says his friend who is newly single has messaged to say he wants to go to America to watch a big sports game. DP says he's really keen but I'm miffed for two reasons. 1) we are supposed to save towards our house deposit/ fees. He says he won't go if he thinks it's too expensive and
2) he gets very little holiday entitlement and since all his days were peebooked this year for family events I had hoped that he'd want to spend some time with me.

Am I being selfish? I need perspective.

You have £75k and he has nothing. No wonder he wants to have a joint account. You’d have to be crazy to do that.

Sounds like he wants the benefits of cohabitation while continuing to live as a single man.

Moving in together is fine. A joint bank account for the purposes of joint bills only is fine. A shared savings account is not.

Let him go to American with his freind. Let him stay there! You keep a tight hold of your £75k. Please, please think long and hard before you move in with this guy!!! Take your time!Just stay as is for the time being. Better still,shop around some more! This one comes waving ‘red flags ‘already!

Youre not being selfish, but you are being absolutely fucking bat shit nuts

This. With a million fucking bells on.

Some of these post are bloody ridiculous.

Of course he can go on holiday if he wants.

If you tried to stop me that would be a big red flag.

You should protect your deposit.

As long as you're not carrying him financially, what's the problem.

It's been 8 months. He's boyfriend territory.

He's certainly not in a situation where you have any right to dictate what he does.

You’re not thinking straight. 8 months and talking like you’re married. Don’t be combining finances and taking on someone with no savings. He’ll be utterly reliant on you for his shelter and all the other things he can’t afford himself. He’s a child basically. You have a plan, you have saved money. He’s going on about holidays which he probably can’t fund with a mate to watch a sports game. He has a lot of growing up to do by the sounds of it and he’s definitely not ready for this level of commitment and you shouldn’t be wanting to prop him up either. He won’t change any time soon and will be a monetary and emotional drain. By all means, you get a house in your name and live apart. See if he can be self sufficient.

👆🏻 this, with bells on!

He should go on the holiday - 8 months is nothing, I'd be annoyed to be told I can't after so little time.

You should buy a house by yourself. If you want to live with him, he can pay you rent. Do not get married.

If you have a child you should under no circumstances move it after 1 year.

This story ends with no house and no £75k for you

This makes me want to cry. My (rented!) two bedroom terrace house in a very run of the mill town would cost just under that to buy. Hence why I'm still renting...

How old are you OP and him? Just think that will help work this one out.

Bat shit nuts.
This made me laugh so much it should be a classic mn saying.
Fantastic.
But yes OP you definitely are bat shit nuts.
Nuff said.

I got pregnant by someone who I’d been with for 1 year. On purpose. shrug shoulders emoji
(3 years on it’s working out so far)

Op. Don’t worry about the 8 month moving in thing. Just fucking PROTECT YOUR MONEY. 75k is an amount only someone like me could dream of

When you are wealthy ( you are)
You are going to be a MAGNET.
Just about anyone will want to hook up with you, marry you, or be your financial partner. Wake Up!!!!!!!
Put that money somewhere safe ( not shared)
Esp NOT in a current account where it could be accidentally utilised , by accident.
Put your long term plans on hold if hes going to start galivanting abroad with his single friends.Theres a lot of nasty viruses abroad.....
I hope hes not going for a stopover to vegas and blow all your savings..........

Agree with PPs about being bat shit nuts..

This. All. Of. This. OP please take a step back. Too much too soon. Waaaaayyyyyyy too soon

I know math isn't my strongest suit but they have a child together and she has only known him for 8 months? What am I missing?

The child was from her previous abusive relationship.

Please do not rush into buying a house with this man. If you were both childless (others have mentioned you have a child). I would possibly consider renting for a year see how you get on.
With a child your main priority must be your child & your own financial security. You have 75k (amazing by the way) buy a house for you & DC and if he still sticks around he can live there paying rent & bills with a legal document to say if relationship does not work out he moves out with 0 claim to the house.
My mother is 80 was with my Dad for 20 years he was the worst husband ever left my mum bankrupt and homeless. She rented for 12 years met someone else who she lived with for also 20 years unmarried. He died leaving no will & 4 horrible kids who wanted to throw my mum out the house. It was an absolutely horrendous time.
Bottom line as a woman look after yourself and your children a man can fit in around you. No savings is a big red flag for me how has he got no savings & want to jointly buy a property? Protect yourself and your child OP.

Exactly what I thought. Desperation.

Moving in after a year is fine, assuming you're not involving a child? I mean, it would be one thing for you to decide to live with someone you've known such a short time but another to force it on a child.
So assuming it's just you, why wouldn't you just buy a house yourself if you are the one with the deposit? You don't NEED a guy you know?

Spot on!

Op, I know this wasn’t the ‘perspective’ you were hoping to get… but I’d take on board what everyone here is saying.

hes not hiding it from you but he’s not stepping up to your plans either.