His holiday

[toomanyjellyfish]

Help me get some perspective. dP (together 8 months). We have decided to move in together after we've been together a year and the goal is to next year buy a house. I have 75k for a deposit which will help us secure a place. We had a plan to greet a shared bank account, save and basically start to share finances.

This weekend he says his friend who is newly single has messaged to say he wants to go to America to watch a big sports game. DP says he's really keen but I'm miffed for two reasons. 1) we are supposed to save towards our house deposit/ fees. He says he won't go if he thinks it's too expensive and
2) he gets very little holiday entitlement and since all his days were peebooked this year for family events I had hoped that he'd want to spend some time with me.

Am I being selfish? I need perspective.

I'm sorry all I can see is 75k for a fucking deposit 😱

Why is everyone on Mumsnet fucking loaded recently?

This is quite normal, surely? Especially in the south. Our deposit was 20% and it was 120k.

120k is more than double the cost of my entire house!

8 months and wanting to live together doesn't bother me.

You both having vastly different attitudes towards money and your future does.

Differences in spending/saving habits are one of the biggest reasons people divorce. I would not even entertain purchasing a house with this person unless he had some plans on how he was going to contribute. Spending what little holiday time left he has this year + a boatload of money on a trip with his mate isn't really a good sign.

Buy the house on your own OP. If you do end up buying with him don't just ring fence the deposit make sure that % of the house value is also ring fenced for you. For example if the house is worth 150,000. You get 50% of the equity on sale plus 50% of whatever equity is accrued whilst you're both living there.

How's he going to pay for it ... Do not sub him. Yanbu. Abit of a red flag.

I've had shit rotting in my fridge longer than you've been in this relationship.

Honestly, the are all amazing, wonderful and trustworthy until they aren't usually when your financially, physically or emotionally vulnerable.

Protect your assets.

Honestly op, buy your own house in your own name with your deposit. His priorities are not the same as yours

Has he ever been on a transatlantic trip before? If so, how did he fund it and if not c then I think he is testing you and pushing boundaries.

What he might be hoping for is a 'woe me, I want to go to America but I won't go if it's too expensive, boohoo'..... cough cough, hint hint. He might be seeing if he can manipulate you into buying funding it or if he can run up a debt and your 'joint enterprise' make repayments.

Same here. When you've met the one, sometimes you just know.
I lived with my friends in London and he lived with a flatmate in a flat he owned.
When I reached 1 year, my friends and me decided to extend for 6 months and my now husband said next time it's up for discussion why don't we talk about me taking his spare room in case timings work out.
Over the next month or so we decided we would look to move in vs me extending.
The difference is I had money to put into a place and I didn't want to 'rent his room' so he rented his whole place out and we bought a new flat together.
DH still has that property, albeit the mortgage is through the roof, but he had plenty to contribute.
We decided to move in around the year mark, totally skip renting and bought straight away. We were house hunting at 13 months and moved in as joint home owners at 18 months, engaged at 2 years, now married with dog, DS with one more on the way.
Have since sold flat, bought a house, still in london and renovated it.
It's equal in finances, if anything he contributed more than me at first as I earn less but I've more or less caught up with him.

I have cheese in my fridge that is older than your relationship.

It costs about 10k on top of the price of a property to actually purchase one… stamp duty, surveys, solicitors fees, removals. How does he propose to fund his half of that. Oh, that will be his new cash cow = you.

There's a child involved? 🤦‍♀️ of course there is.
He will go to America of course and you will make excuses. Desperation makes us do funny things. This man is not the man for that perfect family you have in your mind.

I know some think it's bad form to advance search but I have just looked and the OP has one child. What a shocker eh?

Buy a house for you and your child OP. Don't drag your child down by funding this bloke (I wonder if he has children and that's why he's keen to move in together so he gets a live in nanny?)

Given he has no funds to add to this, why would you consider buying together?

Why can't you buy on your own and you can adjust things if the relationship lasts.

Stop 😭

I live in Bristol and 60k wouldn't even buy you a shed. You need minimum 400k for a house here.

Around here, 400k would buy you a five/six bed detached property, two bathrooms, with front/back gardens, a double garage and driveway, lol.

House prices in the south are insane to me. For 60k we got a two bed house with a garden, garage and driveway. Five minutes drive from several beaches and half an hour from the Lake District.

We like where we live, the house prices don't bother us. The wages are comparatively much bigger. And I wouldn't want to live far from my family either. It is what it is.

We have the house you describe there (4/5 bedroom only but everything else including driveway). It cost us 600k. For Bristol that's pretty decent.

OMG you can move in together but DO NOT BUY A HOUSE with someone who 1) has zero cash, 2) you have known for such a short space of time and 3) have never actually lived with.

Do you know what happens if you buy a house together and he suddenly cannot afford his half the mortgage?? YOU HAVE TO PAY IT ALL. Forever.

Just buy the house on your own. You have the cash.

They save. OP doesn't say how old she is but £500 a month for 13 years would be 75k. I save roughly this on 35k so fairly average wage.

There aren’t enough facepalms in the world for this post

Where I live the cheapest property I could find was 125k for a 500sq foot 1 bed flat. It’s a lovely area, but not close to a beach or the lake district - but it is 50mins to london on a train… if they run!

Why was this thread closed?

Because she had a house with a controlling Ex who she's got away from.

And now she and her child are here...

Are you out of your mind?