To join DH during his weekly father/son bonding time?

[SlightlyOCDMum]

As a word of context I love spending time with my family, going to coffee places etc. My husband usually takes our son to football on Saturday morning and after that takes him for a coffee together. He says this is "his bonding time" with him, that he only has these 30 mins per week to connect with him, and feels protective/would rather I do not join, whereas I see this as an opportunity to spend family time together. Lately I no longer ask DH and just join them directly at the coffee place. AIBU for wanting to spend time together and joining them? Or should I leave my husband having this bonding time without me?

Another one saying you’re unreasonable. You’ve been expressly asked not to go but have inserted yourself into the situation. I’m guessing you’re just as overbearing in other elements of family life too.

Anything but if you look at previous posts.

Depending on what's true, of course...

You sound like my elderly (narcissistic) mother. No one in the family has been allowed a relationship without her being in the centre of it. It’s destroyed our family because we only know each other from her perspective. And she has a very skewed perspective.

@BronwenTheBrave Are you on the wrong thread?

I really hope you are being tongue in cheek here, @BronwenTheBrave!

The alternative is that you believe that a father couldn’t want to spend time with his own child and build a good relationship with him - he must have some underhand motive.

Yabu. Let them have their 30 mins and do something else yourself. You can have family time other times

You can’t let them have just 30 minutes a week to themselves?!?! You are being massively unreasonable! Are you scared of missing something? Your husband is going to massively resent you for doing this.

Goodness me, leave them alone to have some 121 time 😳

As a word of context, I took both our daughters abroad for the week of half term, DH stayed back home to work.

OP, you had a whole half the week with your daughters.

What DID you do with your son?

The following day upon my return, I was afraid of the reaction but still asked DH if I could go to the hairdresser (I need it both for my physical appearance but also to have a moment to myself). DH reluctantly agreed, but told me he was upset that I didn't want to spend time with him and that I would rather leave him as soon as I am back.

So your husband, is utterly desparate to spend time with you the rest of the week, but you are unhappy to having 30 mins to yourself whilst your husband is out for just 30 minutes with your imaginery son?

Ok then.

This is either a reverse and the OP's husband is massively controlling, or its not real full stop. Either way, its annoying.

30mins +travel to and from football? come on? thats beyond clingy. make a "group arrangement" but dont burst their wee bubble. thats so selfish

also- if i was dh-id find another coffee place.ffs

Have you done some soul searching to find out why you are refusing this very small but meaningful request from your DH?
What are your fears about it?
I think many mums would be thrilled for that time to themselves at the start of the day. Is there a back story to your relationship why this makes you feel that you are missing out?
I wonder about triangulation, worth reading about in relationships if you haven't come across it. Something my mother did and no one formed any attachments because of it.
You have a clear answer anyway from the poll. Good on you for asking the question.

So you DH has asked you not to go but you are now just turning up?

Why on earth would you do that?
If your husband had any bit of wit about him he'd go to another coffee shop and not tell you so he can actually spend some 1-1 time with his son

This is a reverse surely?

Find your own 30 minutes with him. And surely you and all find time together as well.

@SlightlyOCDMum not replying?

I love the manipulative phrasing of the question - "AIBU to for wanting to spend time with my family?"

Yes, you are. They have their own thing, you can your son can have your own thing.

Why can't it be genuine and the OP is "massively controlling?"

Wow, how needy are you?

Your DH has actually said he wants to spend this time with your son away from you and he would rather you not be there, but you cannot handle not being involved and just allow them some father-son time?

I think you seriously need to get a hobby that doesn't involve stalking members of your family.

Is there literally no other time over the weekend you can be together as a family? Is that short amount of time your husband and son enjoy being together the the only chance you get to be in the same space as both of them at the same time?

I think you need a new User Name. There is no "Slightly".

Of course she isn't.

I can't stress enough how important one to one time is for parents and children, if you are able to. Your dh is right to want to 'connect' with your ds, and you should be finding 30 mins in a week to do exactly the same.

Before dd came along I used to take ds for a babychino and cake once a week. Now I might meet him off the bus once a week and go for a coffee/ hot chocolate with him. I also take him to football training on Thursdays and it's amazing how much he opens up during this time, with no other distractions. Dh tries to do the same, plays him at Fifa or takes him to the green for a kick about

Now dd is older (7), we both do the same with her and she's so positive and enthusiastic about her 'special time' with each of us. Dh goes on bike rides with her and I'll play board games, or take her for lunch, or gymnastics or whatever.

Then we have family time, too. But the one to one makes each child aware that we love and value them equally and independently of their sibling. It's always a chance for them to chat to us about what interests them, any worries they have etc - which as they get older, they're unlikely to share with the whole family!

This is all such bollocks.

The link above to OP’s other thread says that it’s been taken down.

All such tiresome bollocks and a waste of everyone’s mental energy.

If it is 30 mins - then leave them to it!

Maybe this thread will be removed soon as well. OP hasn't been back...