To join DH during his weekly father/son bonding time?

[SlightlyOCDMum]

As a word of context I love spending time with my family, going to coffee places etc. My husband usually takes our son to football on Saturday morning and after that takes him for a coffee together. He says this is "his bonding time" with him, that he only has these 30 mins per week to connect with him, and feels protective/would rather I do not join, whereas I see this as an opportunity to spend family time together. Lately I no longer ask DH and just join them directly at the coffee place. AIBU for wanting to spend time together and joining them? Or should I leave my husband having this bonding time without me?

Your Oh does not only have 30 mins to bond with your son.

If you love coffee places, get your h to bring you back a takeaway coffee, rather than attending something that they are happy doing together.

Do not join them, it's their time! I can't believe you turn up when he's said don't. It sounds like you need your own interests which are separate to family life whether it's meeting your friends, swimming or going for a facial. The possibilities are endless, just avoid your husband and son for one single morning and enjoy!

I was wondering if it was more about the coffee that the family time!

You're being selfish. Your husband has asked for 30 minutes alone with his son, but you don't agree, and it has to be what you want.

I can see how this would be the case if a parent works long hours/ has a lengthy commute, children are in after schools and there's housework and life admin to do. Then the weekend is designated for family time from what op has said, it could easily be the case that is the 30 minutes he has where he's able to take his son out 1-1 and give him undivided attention. It could probably be longer but op has decided it can't be because it interrupts their family time. That's not to say they can't bond during family time, but 1-1 time is important too.

Many parents would love to have more uninterrupted time with their kids I certainly would but I've a 2 hr commute every day.

And if this is a reverse drip feed......pure just generally unreasonable!!

The OP hasn't returned; how unsurprising. I wonder how much 1:1 time she gets, and I can't understand why she is invading 30 minutes of guy time. Sounds like serious FOMO.

let them have their 1-1 time, you don't need to be there. I wish my father had been around for 1-1 stuff when I was growing up ( he worked away a lot) only time we had 1-1 time was when I was in my 20's and it was too late then!!!

wow.

yabu.

Strange how they don't BOTher to come back 🤔

It's a reverse, isn't it.

Very pushy of You

YABVU

@SlightlyOCDMum

Don't be selfish and incredibly needy

Your husband and son's bonding experince is something that needs to be maintained along as the relationship is a reasonably healthy one,

You should be smart about this

Whilst they are doing father and son time together

think about your own needs whilst this is going on too,

such as a pamper session complentary Therepy or healthspa session

or
hairdressers,
reading a book

What about your own hobby interests too?

Totally unreasonable and quite controlling

@SlightlyOCDMum

Your husband sounds like a good dad to me,
better than my own adoptive father and birth father,

Arseholes

Feel a bit envious

I wish my adoptive father had spent regular times like that with me,

He was Crap,

more concerned spending time with his girlfriend than me
After my adoptive mother died from breast cancer,

I know life moves on,

But fuck me,

Six months after she died he was out courting,
It wasnt rocket science to realise a teenager who been through lot of shit like i went through,
needed some quality time

Why not just enjoy the peace and quiet?

We have a toddler and my partner and I will will take them out on our own. I think it's really important to have that time together without the other parent.

Leave them to it.

You must surely have the self-awareness to see that you're completely unreasonable?

You don’t know what he is telling your DS, and how he might be corrupting him. He is your DS; stay in control and tell DH to butt out.

Two daughters or two sons?

Controlling husband or one you want to spend time with?

Which one are you @SlightlyOCDMum ?

Is this a reverse? Is he giving you no time with your children?

Is this meant to be ironic?

I think it’s brilliant DH is having this time with your son and building on their relationship, especially if it continues as he navigates difficult years. Defo going to be encouraging DP to do this as soon as DS is old enough.

What a lovely dad! Great 1-1 time.

I try to do this with my adults DS’s too. Important for relationships and communication. A great chance for them to talk, to offload and for us to address any issues together.

Yes, you know you are. It's why you've not returned to the thread. Or you've made this shit up.

What the actual fuck is wrong with you?

Leave them alone. You don’t need to involve yourself.🙄