to think is gross / to be worried?

[listyle]

a friend of mine has been telling me for a while now she's suffering with smelling of body odour on her armpits even after showering.

She asked me do I ever smell after showering & I said no. She asked what am I doing different from her so i asked about her diet/what body wash is she using etc we got talking about shower routines and I explained I use a loofah and that I literally scrub my body from head to toe, and that I shower everyday & use deodorant afterwards as well as body lotion etc.

She was shocked , first of all that i shower everyday , she said she showers AT MOST 3 times a week and when she does shower she jumps in, rinses her body with water, whacks shower gel on her hands puts it on armpits and bum (nowhere else) , rinses that off and hops out (excepts for the days she washes her hair, she'll do that) and she'll only use a deodorant when she's bothered. I said to her "no wonder". I wanted to be as nice as possible. I explained that she needs to start washing her full body and washing armpits 2/3x and preferably with a loofah & ALWAYS use deodorant afterwards. She was like "but the issue is only my armpits I don't need to be putting body wash anywhere else I only wash my armpits and bum"

I was being so so nice to her but also trying to get the seriousness across and the importance of personal hygiene.

It's shocked me to be honest she's a close friend and she doesn't come across as dirty. I've never smelled anything bad off of her, she comes across as clean and presents herself well.

I feel a bit concerned is it mental health related? We're very good friends and I've never once thought she has bad mental health but I suppose it's not always visible.

She just seemed so shocked that I shower everyday. She couldn't wrap her head around that I use a loofah and I wash my arms/legs/belly button/back , literally everywhere. She literally only rinses with water, uses hands to wash armpits and bum and that's it. She said her showers are no longer than 3/4 minutes (unless washing hair which would make it 10 mins)

She also mentioned if she wants to shave she'll take a bath but won't put anything in the bath. Only put body wash on armpits and bum and when she rinses that off the suds will go into the bath.

She said she thought this was the norm and what most people did.

I don't know, I haven't stopped thinking about it all day. Am I crazy? If it was your friend would you be worried? I'm not sure if she took on what I said about what she should be doing. She seemed like it would be so much effort for her to do.

(I know she doesn't use mumsnet)

I'm with you on this.
I use a scrunchy
Hair wash every 3rd or 4th day

Ha ha. I wash, every day, more like her than you. What's all this daily loofah nonsense. I wash under my arms, my tummy, my chest, down at the front, underneath and my bottom. Isn't that enough? I wash my hair and condition the ends. I use moisturiser on my face, and deodorant.

I'm a Celt with delicate skin. The idea of loofahing my entire body just gives me the burn thinking about it. Have you ever heard about the acid mantle. That said, I do have a daily shower and wash my hair every second day.

And by the way, deoderants just attempt to cover up sweat smells. They don't stop you sweating. Antiperspirants stop the sweating in that area. I am not particularly sweaty and I only use unscented antiperspirants on very hot days or when I am going to be particularly under stress. I don't want to reek with the scent of cheap deoderants rather than the smell of French perfume.

I too actually question all this you have to shower daily brigade. I too have read that the skin doesn't need it, and it is too much, too abrasive, taking away our natural oils. Kids don't need daily either. Worse still many mn threads talk of 2 or 3 showers. Per day. Some shower: Morning, pre gym, post gym, when coming home from work before getting into home slobbing clothes, pre bed, pre sex, post sex, before getting into bed. Many saying you can't get into bed without a shower because you are 'dirty'. Are you actually dirty?

I'm thinking to deeply into things , as I said were quite close and she would tell me how great her sex life and would have sex everyday and now I'm thinking she doesn't even shower everyday.
Have I fallen into some kind of bizarre parallel universe here? None of us need to know this, it is a very weird thing to share
Crystal deodorants work well

I've never used a loofah in my life, and I often only shower every second day, especially in winter. Nor do I specifically wash my belly button or feet (and where I live people go about with bare feet quite often). YABU and OTT. The only thing your friend is doing wrong is not using deodorant regularly.

How do you know what a GP is going to say first, last or not at all?
I think your friend needs to run for the hills
This is the most bonkers, bizarre post I have read

I only shower twice a week. And I only use soap on my torso and feet. I always use under arm deodorant, Mitchum. I have never been told that I smell bad

How has she gone from "she said she showers AT MOST 3 times a week " to once a week? They are not the same thing.

You do know your Loofah will be riddled with dead skin? 😬

Perhaps she needs to be more militant about applying deodorant? I definitely can’t get away without using it once or twice a day (I shower in morning but sometimes have a relaxing bath in evening). Mitchum is good.

Very gently put.
I love my morning shower.
I always feel better afterwards.
Gets me going in the mornings.
Takes 5 mins.
I use soap not shower gel.
To me it's treat not an annoyance.

I shower about 3 times a week. I flannel wash in between. I do not exfoliate, or use moisturiser. My skin is absolutely fine because I'm not fucking it up with a repeated cycle of stripping the oils out and artificially replacing them. I use anti perspirant daily. My husband would have A LOT to say if I smelt.

I do use proper bar soap, not Dove, not shower gel. That's probably what your friend needs to swap out, as Shower Gel isn't as effective.

With regards to people out and about stinking, I live in London and use the tube most days. The majority of people who smell at this time of year have coats that smell of fags and that general smell of coats that aren't washed regularly and are in and out of rain showers etc. Coffee and fag breath is also a thing. But general unwashedness? Can't say it's something I regularly encounter. In the summer people can be a bit whiffier due to the heat but that's normally at the end of the day and the fact they're wearing less clothes.

I think there's a big difference between her noticing an unpleasant scent on her armpits when she has just stepped out of the shower after washing them thoroughly, versus noticing it some time later when she has dressed, may have sweated, may not be wearing deodorant, etc. If she's smelling it immediately after washing with soap/body wash, it seems more likely to be a possible medical issue.

I doubt it's MH related - lack of attention to hygiene due to depression, etc. usually manifests as someone losing interest in/energy for/awareness of their normal established washing routines. She's doing what she considers normal.

Do you know why she's so against washing more/all of her body with body wash or soap when she does shower? If she believes soap is bad for her or if it's a cost/waste issue, she may want to consider some other options such as a natural or glycerine bar soap or a different type of body wash - no specific suggestions, but she can look around and see if there's something that feels more attractive to her than what she's using.

Op, I am completely with you.
I am shocked that some posters think that your routine is excessive.
I can’t imagine not washing my feet

When you say scrub yourself all over, do you just mean that you move the loofah all over your body? I imagine you're not like a stained floor and having to scrub marks off?

I have to use a loofah. Don't feel clean without one and seem to use ten times the amount of soap because loofahs magically make the shower gel all bubbly. DP doesn't have that problem, no loofah and normal amount of shower gel.

It's another example of horses for corses or how you're raised. Growing up we only had a bath and only had one every other day. It was fine, as an adult I'm every day apart from when I'm lazy. My mum still is every other day and honestly doesn't seem to see the importance but she does not smell.

Your friends situation is an odd one. She is telling you she smells but refusing to complete the simple steps to fix it.

You sound OTT with the loofah use tbh! I genuinely didn’t know people actually used them!

I shower daily and wash hair, pits and bits. No way do I loofah my whole body.

Surely all you needed to say to her was “I’ve never noticed you smelling strange”?

If she thinks she smells after the shower that’ll probably just encourage her to put the deodorant on more often. I think that’s all that’s odd.

I have incredibly sensitive skin so can only use gentle body washes and deodorant - and certainly can’t rub my skin with towel never mind a loofah!

See, I think it is strange that people don’t use loofahs or flannels to wash.
I can’t imagine just using my hands and water.
Grim

Scrubbing head to toe with a loofah 7 days a week is not normal though.

I soap up around neck, arm pits under boobs, groin and feet daily.

On hair washing days which is twice a week I scrub with scrub gloves all over.

Your friend maybe needs to use a flannel to scrub her pits with soap and then to rinse thoroughly with a flannel. Apply Mitchum deodorant when dried off.

Job done, and she won't stink.

HTH your friend.

Upon going through the menopause, I found that I could stink more than usual, and the above routine did help. And yes - a daily shower would help.

However - for people who only need to bathe/shower every other day; that's great if it's all you need - and I would not classify you as 'vile' or 'gross' and assume that you had mental health problems!!

You are both at the extreme ends, obviously.

Hands and water is what most people use, you nutter you.

Why the obsession with dead skin cells? They will come off anyway during the course of normal daily life and with normal washing. Do you seriously imagine that they just build up if you don't scrub them off?