to think is gross / to be worried?

[listyle]

a friend of mine has been telling me for a while now she's suffering with smelling of body odour on her armpits even after showering.

She asked me do I ever smell after showering & I said no. She asked what am I doing different from her so i asked about her diet/what body wash is she using etc we got talking about shower routines and I explained I use a loofah and that I literally scrub my body from head to toe, and that I shower everyday & use deodorant afterwards as well as body lotion etc.

She was shocked , first of all that i shower everyday , she said she showers AT MOST 3 times a week and when she does shower she jumps in, rinses her body with water, whacks shower gel on her hands puts it on armpits and bum (nowhere else) , rinses that off and hops out (excepts for the days she washes her hair, she'll do that) and she'll only use a deodorant when she's bothered. I said to her "no wonder". I wanted to be as nice as possible. I explained that she needs to start washing her full body and washing armpits 2/3x and preferably with a loofah & ALWAYS use deodorant afterwards. She was like "but the issue is only my armpits I don't need to be putting body wash anywhere else I only wash my armpits and bum"

I was being so so nice to her but also trying to get the seriousness across and the importance of personal hygiene.

It's shocked me to be honest she's a close friend and she doesn't come across as dirty. I've never smelled anything bad off of her, she comes across as clean and presents herself well.

I feel a bit concerned is it mental health related? We're very good friends and I've never once thought she has bad mental health but I suppose it's not always visible.

She just seemed so shocked that I shower everyday. She couldn't wrap her head around that I use a loofah and I wash my arms/legs/belly button/back , literally everywhere. She literally only rinses with water, uses hands to wash armpits and bum and that's it. She said her showers are no longer than 3/4 minutes (unless washing hair which would make it 10 mins)

She also mentioned if she wants to shave she'll take a bath but won't put anything in the bath. Only put body wash on armpits and bum and when she rinses that off the suds will go into the bath.

She said she thought this was the norm and what most people did.

I don't know, I haven't stopped thinking about it all day. Am I crazy? If it was your friend would you be worried? I'm not sure if she took on what I said about what she should be doing. She seemed like it would be so much effort for her to do.

(I know she doesn't use mumsnet)

and femfresh for my bum and the outer

Just use soap!

Swap shower gel for soap.

shower gel isn’t great for washing properly.

If she's washing armpits and still smelling my guess is she maybe isn't washing her clothes often enough. Stale armpit smell on clothes can be rightly rank.

I shower daily, shower gel on hands all over main body, hair washed (baby soft hair in fairness) and all done in under 5 mins. I don't really sweat but even just walking to/from work would make me feel dirty, not to mention my daily exercise walk or run. I've showered daily for well over 40 years (I'm now 60) with soft skin.

This this this 10x over!!!!!!

The previous posters are clearly lacking with their personal hygiene!

I use a loofah, wash my entire body head to toe, apply body lotion every single day and do skincare plus deodorant with two small children and working etc!

Ridiculous 😂

As a PP said, if you're disabled that's completely understandable and a different situation entirely.

Between age 20 and 55 I showered every day. No scrubbing with a loofah just washing with soap and water.
When I was 55-ish I had a conversation with my young adult daughter who only showers every other day. She wasn't smelly, always looked clean and smelled fresh. It was an absolute revelation. Now I follow her lead. I use deodorant every day but unless I've been exceptionally hot, sweaty or dusty I only shower every second day. It's liberating!

Or maybe you’re just ridiculously overdramatic and judgemental?

When we were seeing dermatologists for DD’s overactive sweat glands she was actually told off for showering every day and using so much deodorant. It puts the body into a vicious cycle and often worsens oil and sweat production since you’re stripping the skin barrier.

For the vast majority of people showering every other day is perfectly fine and hygienic. Unless you’re doing sports and getting very sweaty or swimming etc there is absolutely no need to scrub yourself on the daily.

I think you sound way over the top OP. I shower every day, and wash my hair in the shower every two or three days. I use shower gel on a sponge and give everywhere a good rub and then rinse. On days when I don't wash my hair, my shower takes a maximum of four minutes, and maybe eight to ten minutes if I'm washing my hair, which is waist length. I've never exfoliated anything, or used a loofah, but I'm quite certain I'm every bit as clean and fragrant when I get out of the shower as anyone else. I know several people who don't shower every day, and they don't smell.

When I was a child, it was unheard of to have a bath every day and people used to wash at the sink every day. I don't remember everyone being whiffy in the 1960s!

"I'm the least judgemental person you'll ever meet."

Yet, here you are, on the AIBU board posting about a 'gross' friend.

If OP's friend still smells straight after showering, there might be some sort of bacterial issue or a hormonal change or something - especially if it's a new development. Showering a bit more often (without changing the type of wash) probably won't sort it.

I shower every day but wouldn't worry about the mental health of someone who showers every other day. I suspect that these days, most of us wash a bit more often than we "need" to for health.

There can be a bit of variation without it being a reason to worry about someone. Loads of people shower twice daily and probably think we once-a-day folks are minging!

Some people are just sweatier and smellier than others - 3 showers a week would not be enough for me. I shower maybe 5 times a week - the only days I don't is if I'm WFH and not having contact with anyone as I live alone. I use exfoliating gloves and shower gel all over, particulary armpits, as I feel that just using hands isn't enough to get deodorant residue off and get clean. I use deodorant after every shower, no exceptions. And body lotion. There's no way I would go to work in the morning wihout having had a shower first. But some of this is cultural, this kind of routine was drummed into me from childhood.

However, I don't think I'd be worried about MH if someone told me your friend's routine, I'd just think it's another one of those things that comes from your upbringing, like not rinsing dishes when washing up (which I think is grim, but is perfectly normal for others...)

I go in the local shops and literally every other person in their absolutely stinks. Especially if stood close to me. I thought it was because of people losing their sense of smell to COVID but now I realise it's just because a ton of people are absolute mingers and have no idea how bad they smell.

I shower every other day, I wash my hair the same amount.
It’s usually just shower gel/soap on the hands to clean my armpits, breasts, groin, bum etc. The main areas that need it. I do have a more thorough shower roughly every 10 days where I use a loofah or body scrub to exfoliate head to toe, but I would never do this daily and it’s actually not good for you to do so.

I do sometimes shower daily in the summer if I feel really warm/sweaty. Most of the time it will just be a quick rinse down with water. I also feel a bit more sweaty the week before my period so I will shower more if I feel I need it.

I do use deodorant but not body lotion. I will occasionally use a light moisturiser/body oil if I feel like my skin is a bit dry.

I shower at least once daily but exfoliate using a massage sponge only once a week.

The issue with your friend is she feels her armpits smell after she has showered. Either she has a sweat gland problem or, if she means a little later on, she should use gentle deoderant to see if that helps.

I don't shower every day but armpits and other 'smelly' areas are washed at least once daily. It's a prefectly hygienic routine. I use rock salt not deoderant and have no problems.

Daily showering plus loofahing isn't great for your skin.

I’m so surprised that there are people who don’t shower daily! I had no idea that was a thing, I just assumed we all had a daily shower. Perhaps some people really can get away with that but if the OP’s friend is concerned about it then she presumably isn’t one of those people.

Just remembered that in the early days of puberty, DD would sometimes smell of sweat after a shower. I suspect she just wasn’t washing under her arms properly and was getting all hot and sweaty from being in a hot room for ages.

What am I reading.

OP, your routine is my routine, you're doing it the right way. Seems other people aren't washing properly. Don't you all feel grimy? How do you get your dead skin cells off?

It's not sweat that smells, it's the bacteria that feed off the sweat. Your friend isn't cleaning herself properly or frequently enough, same as a lot of people on this thread. The great unwashed.

Not commenting on anyone elses routine as we're all different - I shower everyday, in summer often twice and if I'm doing running etc it can he up to 3 times in a day - a lot I know! That's including soap all over my body but I have no skin conditions so my skin can take it.

However - I can go a week without washing my hair in winter if I'm not exercising....I used to wash it everyday then when I got older realized it's better if I don't. So I pushed it to it's limit (when does it start to look greasy) and yeah, up to 8 days before there's any indication that it's time to wash it

My husband goes a few days between showers but he's Japanese so doesn't smell. If I went more than 48 hours I think the world would know my smell 🤣

I do what OP does but without the loofah part. Shower and wash hair everyday, wash thoroughly all over my body with shower gel, use deodorant and body lotion after my shower. I thought this was entirely normal.

YANBU. Don't know why some stinkers on here think it's ok to shower a couple of times a week. Your routine seems a bit excessive with the scrubbing but it's not weird to shower daily. Definitely need deodorant every day. I usually reapply it once or twice in the day.

Never used a loofah in my life.

Well it wouldn't be MN without a bit of faux shock about other posters' shower habits would it?

A dermatologist told me it isn't particularly good for your skin or hair to shower daily and to keep the shower as cool as possible. When I was a child in the 70s and 80s many houses didn't have a shower and it was common for people to have a bath once or twice a week (unless they did heavy manual labour) and people didn't smell any more than they do now (or look dirty).

Yuk does she also complain that men never go down on her? I had a friend who was simular but I didn't say anything to him

I’ve read the word “loofah” more often in the last few minutes than I have in my entire life .