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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think is gross / to be worried?

425 replies

listyle · 25/02/2024 23:30

a friend of mine has been telling me for a while now she's suffering with smelling of body odour on her armpits even after showering.

She asked me do I ever smell after showering & I said no. She asked what am I doing different from her so i asked about her diet/what body wash is she using etc we got talking about shower routines and I explained I use a loofah and that I literally scrub my body from head to toe, and that I shower everyday & use deodorant afterwards as well as body lotion etc.

She was shocked , first of all that i shower everyday , she said she showers AT MOST 3 times a week and when she does shower she jumps in, rinses her body with water, whacks shower gel on her hands puts it on armpits and bum (nowhere else) , rinses that off and hops out (excepts for the days she washes her hair, she'll do that) and she'll only use a deodorant when she's bothered. I said to her "no wonder". I wanted to be as nice as possible. I explained that she needs to start washing her full body and washing armpits 2/3x and preferably with a loofah & ALWAYS use deodorant afterwards. She was like "but the issue is only my armpits I don't need to be putting body wash anywhere else I only wash my armpits and bum"

I was being so so nice to her but also trying to get the seriousness across and the importance of personal hygiene.

It's shocked me to be honest she's a close friend and she doesn't come across as dirty. I've never smelled anything bad off of her, she comes across as clean and presents herself well.

I feel a bit concerned is it mental health related? We're very good friends and I've never once thought she has bad mental health but I suppose it's not always visible.

She just seemed so shocked that I shower everyday. She couldn't wrap her head around that I use a loofah and I wash my arms/legs/belly button/back , literally everywhere. She literally only rinses with water, uses hands to wash armpits and bum and that's it. She said her showers are no longer than 3/4 minutes (unless washing hair which would make it 10 mins)

She also mentioned if she wants to shave she'll take a bath but won't put anything in the bath. Only put body wash on armpits and bum and when she rinses that off the suds will go into the bath.

She said she thought this was the norm and what most people did.

I don't know, I haven't stopped thinking about it all day. Am I crazy? If it was your friend would you be worried? I'm not sure if she took on what I said about what she should be doing. She seemed like it would be so much effort for her to do.

(I know she doesn't use mumsnet)

OP posts:
Calliopespa · 01/03/2024 17:38

DontWasteMyTime · 01/03/2024 17:33

I shower every morning, use a shower gel and loofah all over, then deodorant and moisturiser on my body, arms, and legs. Every day. Twice in hot weather. Anything less than once a day is scruffy and slovenly.

Body moisturiser used as a rule is a bit gross - you are never free of some foreign muck sitting as a film on your skin. I use it on my face but only legs after waxing. I prefer not to be smeared in chemical junk my entire life.

BeachBeerBbq · 01/03/2024 17:43

Babla · 27/02/2024 01:37

It's not the daily washing that's weird it's scrubbing yourself with a loofah Confused

Late to tbe party but my hammam glove or natural loofah and similar soap bar to the allepo soap have not only helped with body odour but also "strawberry" skin on my arms. Bliss

BeachBeerBbq · 01/03/2024 17:44

Plus baby oil on wet skin after the scrub. 2x a week

Mothership4two · 01/03/2024 19:39

K0OLA1D · 01/03/2024 17:37

😴

That's got to be tongue in cheek surely?

K0OLA1D · 01/03/2024 20:06

Mothership4two · 01/03/2024 19:39

That's got to be tongue in cheek surely?

Not remotely.

I aren't slovenly because I don't take a shower everyday and it gets a bit boring being told so every other post.

Unless you meant the poster? But I doubt it

Mothership4two · 01/03/2024 20:07

K0OLA1D · 01/03/2024 20:06

Not remotely.

I aren't slovenly because I don't take a shower everyday and it gets a bit boring being told so every other post.

Unless you meant the poster? But I doubt it

Unless you meant the poster? But I doubt it

I did

K0OLA1D · 01/03/2024 20:11

Mothership4two · 01/03/2024 20:07

Unless you meant the poster? But I doubt it

I did

Ah fair enough. You'd hope it was wouldn't you?

Dinkydo12 · 03/03/2024 13:07

Lol you sweat all year around not just in the summer. Wouldn't want to sit next to you on the tube Yuk

Dinkydo12 · 03/03/2024 13:10

Your wash routine suits you. I also shower ever day but your regime seems a bit OTT. Shower gel and a skin polisher is enough. Maybe her parents were not overly into cleanliness. Each yo their own. She should see the doctor if she is worried about body odours.

Vanilladay · 03/03/2024 13:13

My partner showers every day but his armpits used to smell sweaty all the time. He has found that using an anti bac hand-wash on a flannel for his armpits has solved the problem.

Sootyb · 03/03/2024 13:13

If I could only choose one routine, I would choose your friends, yours is to OTT for me!

Markovenchip · 03/03/2024 13:14

I use bars of Dettol brand soap, no loofah, leaves a faint but pleasant scent, she could try that.

mrst3 · 03/03/2024 13:16

No loofah but bath every morning and sometimes evening too. I know some people think baths are disgusting but i prefer it especially as our showers one of those really outdated things on wall side of bath. I wash top to toe with dove then occasionally use a sassy whipped soap for fragrance. Mitchum Deodorant every day nothing else works for me. IMO YANBU but loofah seems extreme 😅

Goldieremson · 03/03/2024 13:30

I'm shocked how many people have said your routine is OTT.. you same as me I get shower in the morning an use a scrubber from head to toe with normally soap an glory, an a bath every night becuz I like to relax in the bath when kods are in bed an the thought of shaving my legs an washing my hair in the bath an laying in it an getting out without turning the shower on to fully rinse myslf off knocks me sick....then il get out put my body lotion on, an maybe my gradual tanner an i even put a squirt of perfume on for bed, i think that's normal but i have been told bfr on mumsnet im high maintenance, but people alwyas comment on how nice i smell an how well i look so il take that rather that then ppl thinking her hair needs a wash or I smelt abit funky xx my friend smells bad an i dont have the heart to bring it up but I silently think it's bad an id hate someone to think that about me

Mothership4two · 03/03/2024 13:32

Dinkydo12 · 03/03/2024 13:07

Lol you sweat all year around not just in the summer. Wouldn't want to sit next to you on the tube Yuk

With that attitude I'm not sure anyone would want to sit with you.

Yes you sweat all year (unless you are Prince Andrew!), that's why it's a good idea to wash a couple of times a day if you haven't showered and that way you shouldn't smell unless you have a perspiration problem. Although I would think pretty much everyone's armpits will smell a bit at the end of their working day especially on crowded public transport unless you have an incredibly strong antiperspirant (which isn't supposed to be healthy).

LouHey · 03/03/2024 13:45

My skin would be a mess if I scrubbed myself daily.

LouHey · 03/03/2024 13:53

You've admitted you can't smell anything wrong with her. Yet you're convinced that she must be unhygienic.

You didn't think to reassure her that she doesn't stink. You've assumed her partner, who's likely started this, is right - even though your own nose disagrees. You don't sound like a good friend, sorry OP.

Kitkat1982 · 03/03/2024 13:54

Its actually bad for your body to shower every day. It washes essential oils out of your skin causing it to dry out. It's not recommended to shower every day. It is excessive. I shower every other day and in-between I just wash my 3 F's as my nan used to say face, feet and Fanny 😆 I do bum and armpits too though. You don't need to be over washing in the shower every day, however I do think your friend is undercleaning herself. I don't know how she can go without cleaning the rest of her body. If I don't fully wash my body I feel itchy.

GenevièveSapha · 03/03/2024 15:02

Why has the OP's hygiene routine come under fire when the question at hand is 'why the friend has smelly armpits...' 🤷🏼‍♀️

We are all different, some can bathe once a week and be okay (my mum and dad did this with no repercussions), while others need once a day, or every other day showers.

My advice to the friend would be to shave the hair in their armpits and groin area... hair harbours sweat, bacteria and odors.

Wash your entire body at least once a day... and do it well, none of this 5 min in-and-out business. Since the armpits are in question, wash them 2, even 3 times...

Use a deodorant at least once a day... I mean that's what it's for, to minimize odor.

If all that doesn't help, seek medical advice.

P.S. having sex (intercourse) is a messy activity... the friend is having sex 'daily' but only bathing a couple of times a week... and quickies (no pun intended) at that... Ewww... 🤔 Sounds to me like the friend is being Uber lazy. If she is unwilling to step-up her hygiene practices, then she has nobody to blame but herself...

I'm off to have a long hot shower...
🚿 🛁 🧼

dibley27 · 03/03/2024 15:53

Interesting! I personally think that your routine is unnecessary and a little extreme. Toiletries companies have been heavily marketing their products for generations now by propagating the view that unless you generously slather your while body with their products at least once a day, then you're dirty and disgusting and very bad things will happen. It's not a scientifically supported view though, and actually most people can get away with cleaning a lot less often/thoroughly than we tend to. It can also cause problems by getting rid of healthy bacteria and drying out skin. But if you grew up having this message drummed into you, it will certainly seem gross and wrong to clean less. I personally grew up in a family which didn't wash as often (older parents from quite poor families - bath a week and wash your pits and bits every day). My family don't smell and appear just as smart and well presented as anybody else. What your friend is doing is probably enough. She could maybe do with exfoliating everywhere every couple of weeks or so, but she's clearly getting on fine in general. Her BO is most likely due either not using anti-perspirant - or more likely has another cause - maybe hormonal. When I was pregnant I had far stronger body odour which was hard to get rid of! It was definitely a hormonal thing as I washed more than usual and it barely helped at all.

Devonshirerexx · 03/03/2024 16:08

Not sure what age she is but if she is late 30's+ then maybe the peri menapause , that can cause a strange odour around the armpit area its finding the right one that works , armpits can smell like onion lol , I don't think if their is no other reason besides how she showers that you should worry about her mental health, I shower 4 times a week and 3 baths a week, I don't wash my hair in the bath , I wash my feet in the sink before a bath always have done , if she doesn't appear dirty to you then don't judge her just mention if she's having trouble with perspiration to get it checked out

PianPianPiano · 03/03/2024 22:15

Goldieremson · 03/03/2024 13:30

I'm shocked how many people have said your routine is OTT.. you same as me I get shower in the morning an use a scrubber from head to toe with normally soap an glory, an a bath every night becuz I like to relax in the bath when kods are in bed an the thought of shaving my legs an washing my hair in the bath an laying in it an getting out without turning the shower on to fully rinse myslf off knocks me sick....then il get out put my body lotion on, an maybe my gradual tanner an i even put a squirt of perfume on for bed, i think that's normal but i have been told bfr on mumsnet im high maintenance, but people alwyas comment on how nice i smell an how well i look so il take that rather that then ppl thinking her hair needs a wash or I smelt abit funky xx my friend smells bad an i dont have the heart to bring it up but I silently think it's bad an id hate someone to think that about me

You put perfume on before you get in to bed?!?!

PawsisShady · 03/03/2024 22:40

I wear perfume to bed too, sleep alone and I find some scents comforting
Nothing strong but a vanilla, or a skin type scent

Calliopespa · 04/03/2024 07:14

PianPianPiano · 03/03/2024 22:15

You put perfume on before you get in to bed?!?!

Thats what I thought! Wouldn’t it smell a bit stale by then? I guess then another shower to wash off the stake perfume…

Goldieremson · 04/03/2024 07:54

Never smell stale lol, an I do sweat in bed because I wrap myself up so much in the covers so I do need a shower in the morning I couldn't just get dressed an go no way

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