Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To threaten my H with divorce if he ever takes my kids to see MIL again.

439 replies

HooversBrokenAgain · 24/03/2008 21:08

He took them "out" today. All day so I could have a break, he said nothing about going to see his mum.(I don't trust her and have never wanted our children left with her) He comes home looking sheepish MIL has only f gone and pierced my baby daughters ears.

I have been screaming at him for almost 3 hours and am still fuming with rage.

He keeps telling me to take them out if I am so bothered.

I am going to show him this thread so if you all flame me he'll think he is off the hook.

BTW can anyone tell me if it's ok to take them out, they are very bloody and I'm so worried she is mutilated for life

OP posts:
tribpot · 25/03/2008 20:56

What's the point of taking them out? Because a 14 month old child was effectively tortured by her grandmother to put them in. How much did she struggle to get away? How much did she cry? We don't know, but let's face it: it was lots. Christ, I would cry if such a thing were done to me and struggle to get away.

Mama4 if you like to pierce your children's ears that's up to you, and it sounds like you at least did it the humane way for your dd.

The father did not consent. He acted out of utter cowardice and failed to object, was in effect a party to the abuse.

flamingtoaster · 25/03/2008 21:03

I am glad DD is OK. If you are not going to report this incident officially you need to have a solicitor's letter issued stating that she is never to do anything to any of your children and that if she does this will be taken as assault and reported.

alicet · 25/03/2008 21:07

Hoover I'm really relieved your dd is OK and it sounds as though you have sorted this out in a manner you are happy with.

Can I ask what you have done? Only despite trying to be a bit measured in my posts I don't think I could have stopped myself from really letting rip at anyone (dh and mil) who did this to one of my sons. Not that I am criticising you for not doing the same I hasten to add...

mama4 · 25/03/2008 21:11

I have only one girl and when I had hers done I was only 19 myself and so nieve...I think it is sooooo wrong the way the MIL whent about this and I do believe the father should have prevented his daughter from harm. As far as culture goes if your MIL thinks she has all the rights over her own kids then she should know better that you have total rights over your kids and she should have asked permission from you and got it done the right way. Talk to your husband and get a mutual understanding between yourselves for the future, that is the best way of going about things than threats of divorce dear.

LittleBella · 25/03/2008 21:18

Why are you calling the OP dear Mama4? Is it a term of endearment or are you being sarcastic?

cheshirekitty · 25/03/2008 21:29

I would wait until your dh was asleep, then I would pierce his penis with a kebab skewer. See how he likes that.

As for your mil, get a restraining order on the old witch.

dancerandprancer · 25/03/2008 21:34

Report her for assult. I bloody would. I cant believe it!!

Your poor little girl. I am sure they will heal up, but that is so not the point.

mama4 · 25/03/2008 21:41

littlebella I dont do sarcasm ;)

Nighbynight · 25/03/2008 21:54

cotedazure, I'll come to you if I need help with family politics in future!!

Willowwisp · 25/03/2008 21:58

OH MY GOD!!!

I WOULD GO ROUND AND SLAP HER FACE, HOW DARE SHE! I'm literally shaking with rage for you!

Your poor, poor daughter, I hope she is Ok and yes I would deifnately take them out.

Oh and do what the others have said, call the police even if its to put the frighteners on her!

evie99 · 25/03/2008 22:02

This is definitely an assault.

It's horrific.

Your litte girl must be terrified of your MIL.

I hope that it's all on record with photos, GP, police, solicitor etc.

Blueskythinker · 25/03/2008 22:20

Yes, definitelt take them out! Otherwise your MIL will know that she can get her own way by ignoring your wishes and doing whatever she wants.

And take photos / get DD examined by GP, who can also advise re removal.

Stopfighting · 25/03/2008 23:34

So glad your dd is ok.

I think we're all curious to know how this has been resolved because I think it has been one of the most intense threads for a long time...

cheesesarnie · 26/03/2008 08:53

glad your dd is ok hoover.

PrincessPeaHead · 26/03/2008 09:01

Hoover you could report to the police but if you want to do something actually practical, I would consider going to the county court and getting an injunction to prevent your MIL having access to your child. One that your DP will have to abide by.
I'm sure you wouldn't have got one if it was a case of MIL taking her to a registered ear piercing centre with your DP (child's father), but in this case she has inflicted pain on your daughter and exposed her to danger of infection by doing what she has done - she has absolutely assaulted her in the legal sense - and the fact that your DP was present does not in any way detract from that.
I'd grant you an injunction in those circumstances, certainly.
Also the advantage of that is that they will call her into court to hear her side of the story and that will probably put the fear of god into her and make her realise what a horrible thing she has done.

CorporalJones · 26/03/2008 09:46

Like everyone else, I am shocked by all this. It is totally unacceptable.

I would not tell MIL that I am going to ban DD from seeing her. I would tell her that DD and your other DC have asked never to see her again because they are now scared of what she might to to them.

Report her - it may save her other grandhildren.

Bluebutterfly · 26/03/2008 09:56

Take the earrings out, use some cooled boiled water on cotton wool to gently clean them. Take your dd to the gp to make sure that there is no danger of infection.

She is your daughter and it is absolutely shocking that your MIL felt that this was acceptable in ANY way.

YANBU, you need to protect your dc's from this mad woman.

If my dh was unable to see what was wrong with the whole situation (the age of the baby, the fact that the piercing was done without consulting you, that someone performed a painful/unnecessary procedure on your child without your permission, or your presence, I could go on and on) I would seriously have to consider leaving him because I would not be able to trust that he was capable or respecting me as the mother of this child and the person with the child's best interests in mind.

You are probably within your rights to report this incident to the police as others have said. I have no idea whether this would be a worthwhile course of action for you to take, but it is worth considering.

spokette · 26/03/2008 09:59

My friend lives opposite a young girl who had her sons ears pierced when he was 4 weeks old!

spokette · 26/03/2008 10:00

son's ears

wishfort · 26/03/2008 10:05

Horrendous. It's assault. What was the role of hubby in all this - it could represented that he consented, in which case HE is your problem.

See a doctor about the ears - they'll heal.

bossybritches · 26/03/2008 11:05

Hoover how are YOU after all this upset?

kitbit · 26/03/2008 13:07

I'm currently with the poster who wondered whether your MIL circumcised your husband herself too. If not I certainly think it's an option. It might sting a little but aren't they "supposed to cry a bit"?? If not, perhaps he'd like to go round and ask her to do it, then see how ambivalent he feels about sticking unsterilised things into tender skin.

Janni · 27/03/2008 15:17

As a footnote to this:

For anyone who thinks that sterile ear piercing of little kids is OK...

I said earlier on here that we removed our adopted daughter's earrings when she came to us from foster care. Today she was jumping on her brother's bed (I know, I've told her not too ) She fell off, bashed into the bedside cabinet and sliced her earlobe, right across where the earring would have been had it still been in.

She's OK now, the practice nurse cleaned it and put steristrips on it, but if there'd been an earring in there I think the earlobe would have been destroyed.

I especially hate hooped earrings on little girls - just one hard pull from another child and you can imagine the result...

Judy1234 · 27/03/2008 21:36

It's supposed to indicate your class. It you're common you have your ears pierced as a child. And a lot of private schools ban it. Plus the dangers you mention. Poor her. I hope she's okay. Our son had the end of his finger put back on with those strips many years ago.

Also earings can curtail girls, like wearing heels or tight skirts, the limit you ability to jump and play around bit like Chinese footbinding so one could object to them on feminist as well as class grounds particularly in very little girls. It's sexualisation of girls in a sense before they are old enough to have it.

mama4 · 27/03/2008 21:44

I dont think that is fair to say it shows how common one is if they have their ears pierced. As for injuries well there are thousands if not millions of kids with ears pierced....so by the time they all grow up they should be left with either one or none ears....?

I do not feel its sexualisation of girls if they have their ears peirced, what about how young girls are dressed or the amount of make up they put on...ear peircing is not as bad as that!

Swipe left for the next trending thread