How to deal with nasty SIL suddenly become very rich

[User55567]

SIL (DHs sister) was very mean and bitter to us from Day1. DH and I have stable professional jobs and we worked very hard with zero family support. SIL didn’t have a job/ had no intentions of having one. She wanted to find a rich guy and just enjoy life. She spent 8 years on the hunt, while living with her parents. She then went back to uni for a masters, and then found a job straight after. This time she found a guy with “potential”. She married him and promptly quit her job and had 2 children.

All good, but all though these 15yrs of looking, finding and being with this guy, she constantly made snide remarks about our incomes, jobs, any thing nice we had, our holiday, everything. She constantly made in-laws put pressure on us to gift her things, while giving nothing in return. In-laws gave her property to “compensate”, bought her expensive things and constantly felt sorry for her and her “one income” lifestyle. Her husband once lost his job and still she won’t get a job saying “it’s his problem to sort out, I won’t take the stress”

She constantly told her brother about how her kids get a parent to look after them, about how bright her kids are etc, and how she “sacrificed” a career (she never had one!) because her kids mean more than money to her. All this while telling us we seem to have a lot of money because we both earn.

Now, her husband made a few million € in under a year as a small business he started as a side hustle really took off. She now can’t stop bragging and how she knew she is always meant for luxury, how she is the best wife (taking credit for his business success) and how her children are so lucky because they are set for life.. It seems to her like some “victory” over us. I already speak to her bare minimum - kept distance over the years.

DHs mental health is getting impacted over all these remarks and constant rubbing it in. He is now chasing “ideas” spending nights “researching” things. We already have very stressful jobs, I’m worried about him.

Wr are not poor, pretty comfortable but have salaries and mortgages like everyone else. We live a middle class life though and quite happy with it.

Live your ownlife your own way.
You seem happy enough.
Be content that you are not the same personality as DSIL.

Meanwhile, be happy for them.
Does your DH get along with them?
Is their business hiring at very flexible hours? Maybe your DH or kids would enjoy being on the packaging line or whatever.

I can’t believe you are wasting time listening to this silly cow to be honest. She sounds entitled, spiteful, jealous and like a total waste of
time. Block and ignore!!!

How can you not find her snide up-herselfness completely hilarious? Me & my exP would have laughed our heads off at her ... behind her back of course, but yeah definitely. And great stories to tell friends, not naming necessarily who this daft person is who says all that crazy shit. The more pointedly nasty & snide, the more entertaining. Arrogant snobs with no self-awareness are endlessly fun to mock.

Nothing she says is about you guys. It's all on herself. Start with that position & you'll come to look forward to her efforts that can only backfire.

How often do you actually see this woman and in what circumstances and how much time do you spend with your MIL? Minimise both.
If you are alone with MIL and she starts up about SIL I suggest you stop her on her tracks. Switch it to positive about your family. Other people’s money is no one else’s business
You and your husband sound envious, DH needs boosting up.

Neither of you are obliged to have a relationship with her

@User55567 she sounds absolutely vile.

They'll probably churn through a fee million pretty quickly, especially as it seems they are living the high life. Just avoid contact as much as possible

Why can’t you go nc? Are you trying to keep the peace with your pil? No way would I put up with her shite. Call her out on it every time. ‘Linda, stop talking shit’ every single time til she understands that nobody cares.

She sounds like an insecure idiot. Just remember 'Pride comes before a fall'.

If she is facebooking /messaging you with these boasts are you then telling DH what she is saying?
if she is phoning you don’t answer
if she is calling round and shouting through the letter box turn the music up
if you are socialising with her -then deserve all you get

When you are youngish (I’m early 50s) it is so easy to get hurt by this type of attitude.

firstly, if DH is getting so affected I really think he needs to find therapy. He grew up with this person so it must have been tough!

secondly, you CANNOT change other people, but you can change how you allow them to affect you. Work on that. Be happy she’s achieved what she wanted and be VERY proud of what your family is achieving

thirdly, surround yourself by people that make you happy. She clearly doesn’t. So try to avoid all contact.

Ugh the worst thing you could do here is to start competing. Try to drag your DH away from this mindset, with the help of a therapist if needed. Yes the sis is insecure, annoying and narcissistic. Let her be. Don't engage in any shape or form. She's not entitled to an audience or a reaction from you. Focus on your own lives, what's going well and what you want to achieve regardless of money. Keeping up with the Joneses is what's literally ruining this planet, physically and mentally.
Just stop giving her attention, that's what she craves the most.

The people who are getting away scott free are your PIL.

As pp have pointed out they have created this by their behaviour. As you said they pressurised you to gift SIL things, they “compensated” her and they did not step in and stop the snide remarks etc.

With the PIL you need to have a quiet word and point out that you and DH did not behave like this when you were perceived to be wealthier so why are they not a) pulling up SIL b) reflecting on their unequal treatment of their DC.

They won’t change as SIL is the golden child who will kick off and they have been conditioned to sacrifice your DH to keep her happy.

Your DHs mental health is being affected because of their unfairness and the realisation they will not change.

Your DH needs counselling and your support to realise his parents have assigned him the role of being the “good child” who doesn’t create a fuss and his feelings are sacrificed to keep his sister happy.

With SIL go low contact and grey rock don’t react as she won’t change and enjoys the reaction.

That is so true 🤣I have a SIL that did something similar, thought she was better than everyone else. Her husband’s business struggled and so did the big spending and actually asking us for loans, cheeky bitch. We called her fur coat and no knickers, vile human being. I now have nothing to do with her, and I feel so much better not having the vicious bitch in my life!

Does she have room for a pony?

My BIL/SIL used very dodgy methods to obtain a massive mortgage (misused £100k business Covid loan, drawing too much out of business etc).

It completely went to their heads, thought they were really clever how they did it, bragging about how much they spend (£4k for a single oven, £40k golf simulator in garage etc). Crazy. Now his business is in the shit, over £100k in the red and PIL are bailing them out yet again! Only thing you can do is ignore and get on with your own life. SIL must be very insecure if she's saying all these things to you.

@User55567 does she have many friends? She sounds a total bore 😴

You're right.

”That’s wonderful news SIL, so comforting to know that when the aged parents need full time nursing support/ care they won’t have to worry about who is going to pay for it because they will always be able to rely on you.”

Uh there's nothing worse than people who brag. We all come into the world with nothing and we leave with nothing.

So many PP's already gave you the best cure OP - you and DH both block her, go no contact and never see her again. Why haven't you already done that?

You have plenty of valid reasons, so if PIL question it or get upset, you just tell them why and tell them you will only be seeing them when SIL not around.

I bet your kids will be relieved they don't have to tolerate her constant put downs and comparisons aimed at them, probably won't be missing much their ever so amazing cousins either.

Reading through the threads this was the impression that I got too.
But you and your DH have the fact that throughout all the years of SiL moaning, begging, coercing and whatever she has done to get what she wants - that you two have worked as a team for your own happiness. Your DH has no reason to feel that he's not good enough - he needs to take a step back from his sister and grey rock her - put her messages, texts, phone calls on mute.
You have supported each other so continue to do so and put his sister where she belongs which is on the peripherals of your life. She seems to be a very discontented and unhappy person if she feels the need to be putting herself above everyone else.

Change the subject every time she brags about something.
Ignore her brags and tell hubby that he needs to do the same. It's ok if he wants to do more but not if it effects your home or his mental health.
Being rich isn't everything. Her hubby eventually may tier of her ways aswell.
Youl never change her but you can like I say change the topic or ignore. Or just be honest and say that while your both very happy she is happy In her life she comes off very braggy and it's not nice.

Wow!

It will annoy her more if you both don't care...