How to deal with nasty SIL suddenly become very rich

[User55567]

SIL (DHs sister) was very mean and bitter to us from Day1. DH and I have stable professional jobs and we worked very hard with zero family support. SIL didn’t have a job/ had no intentions of having one. She wanted to find a rich guy and just enjoy life. She spent 8 years on the hunt, while living with her parents. She then went back to uni for a masters, and then found a job straight after. This time she found a guy with “potential”. She married him and promptly quit her job and had 2 children.

All good, but all though these 15yrs of looking, finding and being with this guy, she constantly made snide remarks about our incomes, jobs, any thing nice we had, our holiday, everything. She constantly made in-laws put pressure on us to gift her things, while giving nothing in return. In-laws gave her property to “compensate”, bought her expensive things and constantly felt sorry for her and her “one income” lifestyle. Her husband once lost his job and still she won’t get a job saying “it’s his problem to sort out, I won’t take the stress”

She constantly told her brother about how her kids get a parent to look after them, about how bright her kids are etc, and how she “sacrificed” a career (she never had one!) because her kids mean more than money to her. All this while telling us we seem to have a lot of money because we both earn.

Now, her husband made a few million € in under a year as a small business he started as a side hustle really took off. She now can’t stop bragging and how she knew she is always meant for luxury, how she is the best wife (taking credit for his business success) and how her children are so lucky because they are set for life.. It seems to her like some “victory” over us. I already speak to her bare minimum - kept distance over the years.

DHs mental health is getting impacted over all these remarks and constant rubbing it in. He is now chasing “ideas” spending nights “researching” things. We already have very stressful jobs, I’m worried about him.

Wr are not poor, pretty comfortable but have salaries and mortgages like everyone else. We live a middle class life though and quite happy with it.

i think you and your husband sound too sensitive.

It sounds like you and he have experienced over a period of 15 years stable, decent income whereas her income was completely up and down. There’s no one lifestyle that’s better than the other, yes she has the funds now but you have given your kids stability and a lifestyle to role model over a long period of time? Therefore why be so put out at her comments to the point of researching get rich schemes at bed time?

My grandparents grew up working class then both became doctors. My mum and her siblings therefore grew up in a more wealthy household, and they all have varying lifestyles now that they’re married and settled. Some of them are extremely well off, some of them have ordinary lifestyles. But there’s no “tit for tat” as you mention here.

It's very telling that he didn't feel the need to compete with her until she had more. Why is that a position he cannot tolerate?

OP and her DH were clearly very happy with their holier than thou attitude when DSis had less than them. Now there is a lot of cognitive dissonance going on because her DH did turn out to have potential, more than OP's DH does...

Just stop spending time with her.

As others have said, I would deal with it by just ignoring the nast piece of work.

The important thing I would take from your OP @User55567 is the potential impact this is having on your DH.

You need to tell him that you love him and you love your life, and the last thing you want is him spending what little spare time he has chasing a dream. He may be looking at his BIL as the big man who is doing a better job of providing for his family than he is, but he needs to know this is not the case.

Start pressuring MIL to get her to buy you things.

Obviously don't fuck with your husband's phone, that would be a huge breach of trust and make a bad situation worse.

I was thinking this! And when they have to pay so much in tax, too!

Or take a leaf out of sil’s book and send her a message saying that your mortgage is crippling you and could she gift you 20k?

You cannot change your sister in law’s actions.
But you can change your reaction to those actions.
So do not react at all to her remarks. Ignore her ,change the subject ,don’t answer her calls ,whatever you choose,but do not engage.
you will be surprised how quickly you will feel better

This.

You manage her the same way you did before they hit the jackpot, surely. Encourage him to have limited contact or learn to grey rock.

Unless your husband, unlike you, is feeling threatened by them now having more than him.

Every time you speak to her ask her for something, she'll soon be out of your hair.

Everyone got that they wanted. So yay? If he is happy with his middle class life then why is he looking to improve? He needs to find out the cause for this. If he needs to make more money then it is good to look for side hustle, if it was about him being superior to his sister then he needs therapy, if it is about jealousy then he needs to get over it, if it is about hair sister being nasty then he needs to go lc.

You simply ignore it and don't engage. I am unsure why you have even given her as much headspace as you have over the years already.

I agree with this. She adds nothing positive to your life, so why even give her the opportunity to make these comments? Cut contact and ignore her.

And why on earth did you previously let yourselves be pressured into buying her stuff? That's madness, and you only have yourselves to blame for going along with it when you knew she was full of shit.

She sounds like one of those insufferable women who believe in manifestation, The Secret, feminine energy etc and probably thinks she made this happen through pure willpower.

Having said that, it seems like she's been married to a man for 7 years without him achieving significant success and also through losing his job once. So on that end, she was a supportive wife and not a gold digger. You need to ignore her or reduce contact to the bare minimum.

To be perfectly honest, the biggest risk involving her sudden millionaire husband is that he's now attractive to thousands of other women now. If she doesn't have him on an absolute tight leash, chances are good he'll leave her for a younger model within the next 10 years.

Even if the OP's SIL's husband does leave her, she'll still be a few million better off.

And, dissatisfied middle income husband's like the OP's are also vulnerable to having affairs...

Wishing ill on the SIL will only eat the OP up even more.

You made your choices, she made hers. Just enjoy your life.

Would it help DH of he realised she's still jealous of you for some reason and this bragging is coming from a place of insecurity? There is no competition if he doesn't compete and he'll be happier,even if she won't.

My sister has spent the last 30 years trying to make me jealous of her, and I'm just not. Yes, on paper she's far better off than I am, but looking at her behaviour is clear I'm the happier of the pair of us. It pisses her off no end when I don't rise to her brags.

Why are you so invested in her? Just ignore and roll eyes

A few million when you have stars in your eyes goes nowhere. Just wait.

Maybe she will discover her DH is banging his secretary/business partner, and her house of cards will come crashing down.

Wise words. She will blow that in no time.

No, nothing of that sort. He is a really nice guy, genuinely very hardworking. He went through shit quietly (job loss and wife refusing to work even temporarily) plus an unplanned child (story for another day). The pressure was enormous. He came out of that, found a job and worked on a side business. He totally deserved the success.
Sadly, SIL spoils their success with her relentless bragging. Even on days she doesn’t brag, you can tell she is really trying hard to stop her self!

My thoughts exactly.

Even on days she doesn’t brag, you can tell she is really trying hard to stop her self!

Wow, she just can't win with you, can she?!