How to deal with nasty SIL suddenly become very rich

[User55567]

SIL (DHs sister) was very mean and bitter to us from Day1. DH and I have stable professional jobs and we worked very hard with zero family support. SIL didn’t have a job/ had no intentions of having one. She wanted to find a rich guy and just enjoy life. She spent 8 years on the hunt, while living with her parents. She then went back to uni for a masters, and then found a job straight after. This time she found a guy with “potential”. She married him and promptly quit her job and had 2 children.

All good, but all though these 15yrs of looking, finding and being with this guy, she constantly made snide remarks about our incomes, jobs, any thing nice we had, our holiday, everything. She constantly made in-laws put pressure on us to gift her things, while giving nothing in return. In-laws gave her property to “compensate”, bought her expensive things and constantly felt sorry for her and her “one income” lifestyle. Her husband once lost his job and still she won’t get a job saying “it’s his problem to sort out, I won’t take the stress”

She constantly told her brother about how her kids get a parent to look after them, about how bright her kids are etc, and how she “sacrificed” a career (she never had one!) because her kids mean more than money to her. All this while telling us we seem to have a lot of money because we both earn.

Now, her husband made a few million € in under a year as a small business he started as a side hustle really took off. She now can’t stop bragging and how she knew she is always meant for luxury, how she is the best wife (taking credit for his business success) and how her children are so lucky because they are set for life.. It seems to her like some “victory” over us. I already speak to her bare minimum - kept distance over the years.

DHs mental health is getting impacted over all these remarks and constant rubbing it in. He is now chasing “ideas” spending nights “researching” things. We already have very stressful jobs, I’m worried about him.

Wr are not poor, pretty comfortable but have salaries and mortgages like everyone else. We live a middle class life though and quite happy with it.

Remember the "I am considerably richer than you" Harry Enfield sketches?

Remember the one where the "poor" ones suddenly got wealthy and Harry Enfield and kathy burkes characters went berserk with envy?

Yeah. This is like that.

"I already speak to her bare minimum - kept distance over the years."
Your narrative suggests the opposite.

Could you let us know what kind of side hustle generates an unexpected 2 million?
( Asking for a friend.)

Ha ha, yes! OP is used to being quietly supercilious, but now her SIL is "considerably richer than yow" her self image is threatened. As, obviously, is that of OP's DH.

Tell,me you hate her and are envious without telling me you hate her and are envious.

the issue here isn’t your sil; she can do her, live her life as she pleases. You’re already low contact. It’s you and your husbands reaction. I mean seriously he’s sitting up seeing how he can compete?

you can’t compete. Accept it. Both of you. Live your lives.

Hopefully they will get divorced soon.

😱

What a nasty thing to say.

But even if they do, she'll get a huge chunk of money.

And, if she gets herself a good solicitor, a share of his future earnings.

My friends brother is a really nice guy. Married a woman just like this, became wealthy, she got worse. One night he turned up at friends house. Apparently he walked into the fabulous house, after work that day she was wittering on as usual. He turned round said I want a divorce walked out and drove to his sister for a bed to sleep in. He never went back.

What he'd had to endure was daily over 20 odd years.

Another friend his wife is awful always has been. The adult children never speak to her. She's inherited money and burnt through it. He's about to inherit a lot of money and plans to walk out buy a place abroad and never return.

Your sister in law is not an uncommon creature. Look after your husband and ignore her

I think you give her too much time. Can your DH reduce contacts with her?
Also I wonder if their parents are the part of the problem. They certainly favoured your SIL for quite some time and I wonder if they talk too much about her richness etc with your DH in a wrong way,
Of course he is grown up and should be sensible but some people are very sensitive to stupid comments from their close relatives and they upset them a lot.

She doesn't pay rent to be in your/his head, so get her out.

I'd go as low contact as possible. Maybe 1-2x a year when in-laws are there to keep the peace (Christmas etc.) but that's it. She will continue to put your dh down and I can't see what you/your dh/family are getting from this relationship except pain and suffering.

Are there any other siblings, or just SIL and DH? What is their family background like?

I really don't understand why you're both allowing yourselves to be so consumed by it.
Just ignore it all.

But why do you give her any time/headspace?

It sounds like she spent many years feeling very envious of you and your DH. Do the parents set their children up to compete?

She’s been enabled by the parents so she’s entitled. She obviously feels as though she’s struck gold and is now ‘better than you’. She sounds incredibly and unusually shallow and calculating and not like a very healthy-minded or interesting person. It must be very tiresome to listen to all the endless boring boasting. Could you try just letting her talk without really responding? And then change the subject to something wholesome like the new supermarket in town or the shrub you’ve just planted. I think she views you as competition which is her issue.

I hope your husband’s parents aren’t making him feel like he needs to ‘keep up’ with his sister (if so, then that’s the root of the SILs behaviour).

*Having a gentle chuckle at the OP going on about how nasty and snide her SIL is...

You are eaten up with jealousy OP. You are railing internally about how unfair it all is. And your husband is eaten up as well.*

This. She sounds mega annoying but you do sound horribly envious and your husband even moreso.

Think on op your lucky dh gets to wake up next to you. Your poor bil meanwhile....
Just block her... Dh can delete unread messages if he won't block her..

She’s clearly jealous of you guys for whatever reason?

Getting "rich" is one thing and indeed can happen overnight, staying with the money and multiplying it is completely another story and takes lots of work and restraint (budgeting, investing). Those who truly have the $ don't show it, those who show off a lot - mostly have debts, not funds.

'Gosh, how lovely' <tinkly laugh>

Repeat.

Why is your DH comparing himself to his sister ? Why is he "chasing ideas"? if its not a positive thing but only because the other family have come into money ? Why is this affecting you both so much ? You know what she's like. Let it go. The problem is yours not hers. Your DH is clearly influenced by your own feelings.

SIL sounds childish, competitive, insecure and needy.

If she really felt great she wouldn’t be needing to shout it: confident people don’t.

It may quite likely backfire.

However, l’m not sure why you and DH are so affected by it ( beyond recognising it as irritating). Nothing in your lives has changed and I think DH needs to get a bit of a grip on how he is responding. People have real issues like illness or children unwell or struggling. He just has a boastful sister. I can see it’s annoying but …

Finally, if she got a masters and then a job she has, in fairness, given up the chance of a career. It’s not fair to hold that claim against her - and makes you sound like you are trying to pick holes in her .

How stable is this new income? Are they going to stay rich?

Cos it’s quite easy (I assume lol) to burn through a few million, but it also costs a lot to maintain that kind of lifestyle.

Meanwhile hopefully you are in a good stable position with decent pensions etc. I get she’s annoying, but just ignore!

But by the sounds of it, she’s not a nice person and no amount of money will change that. Imagine what the marriage must be like. Also, people like this are never happy with what they have - she’ll start looking at those around her with even more cash, and never have a happy day!
OP, kill her (not literally!) with kindness because otherwise she’ll enjoy the blatant sour grapes you have. You’ll also feel better about yourself psychologically.
How wonderful, SIL. We also knew you’d be destined for this life too. I’m soooo happy to hear about your success!