To charge family for baby bits

[Cymruhills]

My brother and his wife have recently discovered they're going to be parents for the first time and we, as well as other people have offered them baby things we no longer need.

So far I've mainly gifted them blankets, clothing and smaller items such as a steryliser and a bottle warmer.

We saw them today and they began listing some items they still need to get. Some of which they know we still have as our youngest is still using them/will be growing out of them soon. They were more expensive items (think £100+ to buy new) and things which I would have sold on, to try and make some money back in order to buy things which my children need.

I mentioned that we have some of the items they are looking for and explained that I'd happily pass them on to them but because they're slightly more expensive, I'd just like the amount for them that I would have sold them for (item dependant, but around 25% of the RRP).

My brother looked shocked that I'd mentioned buying them instead of them being gifted, like the other items I've previously given them. My DH says I should just loan them the things and when they're done, sell them then. Things felt a bit awkward and they left soon after.

I'm reluctant to loan the items as they will be in worse condition than they are now and also, it would be quite nice to have the money to spend now, for things that we need for my DC's, not in a year or so.

So, AIBU?

Absolutely

She has at no point said she needs the money , she said she would like it to buy other stuff for the kids . I suppose it boils down to whether you value your relationships more than money .

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This has to be a two way street though, surely?

not ok, I put that clumsily. I simply mean it’ll be problematic(it already is) to sell. Resell to her family can be murky as they potentially expect mates rates, or a gift or preferential treatment.

Is this 'god forbid you charge family' pearl clutching exclusive to baby items or does it extend to everything?

We'll need an upgraded car soon and my brother upgrades his every year. Should I expect him to just give me his old one because I need one and he's not on the bones of his arse? It's family after all.

Tight! I would never ever charge, and I was very low income.

YANBU. You’ve already given your brother some baby things for free. You have no obligation to give him more items worth hundreds of pounds.

Sell the items as you planned. Give your brother first refusal if you think he might still be interested.

By the way, I did give my baby things away to a close relative and didn’t ask any money for them, but none of them was worth hundreds and said relative a is generous person, not a CF.

I would be wary of anyone on this thread who tries to guilt-trip you by accusing you of putting money before family.

It depends. You’ve been nice enough to give them free clothes and things already, if you’re short of cash I can absolutely understand not wanting to give away expensive items like prams for nothing even to family (they chose to have a baby and should’ve foreseen the costs involved, not just assume they’d get the lot for free from family).

If he’d asked for them and you’d said you would be charging that’s fine, it’s a bit cheeky fucker to ask for a free pram. I wouldn’t have offered them with a price tag attached however as that would’ve felt a bit awkward. The fact he argued against it though saying he would just borrow them suggests to me that he’s the cheeky fucker though if he didn’t want to pay he should’ve just said ‘thanks but will let you sell them to someone else’ rather than negotiating.

I think YABU. My brother gave us his double pushchair. His kids didn't need it. I did offer it back to him when my two outgrew it but he said no.
Similar with my sister and SIL I gave them things we no longer used.
I would never charge family or friends. Still it's still yours so sell it to someone else or gift it to your brother. I just can't get over charging family for something like this

I think the fact he was shocked by the suggestion indicates he’s a CF. I’d be really grateful for the freebies you’ve given and for the option of purchasing at low cost secondhand. Unless you’re actually a millionaire and this is literally small change to you!

Sorry just saw this, yep he is absolutely the cheeky fucker in that case. He’s clearly told his other half they’ll just get the lot for free from you and is now pushing for it. As I said you’ve been nice enough to give them quite a lot of free things as it is so he’s taking the piss. Stand your ground.

I think since your brother was listing what he needed and then expected you to give him these things he is being a bit cheeky. He has no idea what you intended to do with your stuff, sell them, keep them for another baby - give them to a friend you have promised first.
Its a bit awkward now but I think if you were planning on selling them there is no reason why you should then just give them to your brother. And definitely don't do what you husband has suggested there would be no point.
I would just leave it now and wait until your brother brings them up again.

If money is tight, I think you’re being perfectly reasonable.

He was absolutely fishing for a freebie…

Totally different to you choosing to gift it to him.

I’d just sell the items and if asked then ‘ah we wanted to put the money towards X and you didn’t seem keen so I didn’t mention it again’

Not everyone is in a financial position to give expensive items away. Even to extended family.

You seriously don't understand that?

Anything that you want to sell, just sell it and tell him that it broke/git severely stained so you binned it.

what kind of twat makes a list of things they want and then tries to scab from family members? I’m after a new laptop. Whose house can I go round and ask them if I can take theirs for free?

Baby goods are expensive. A good way to finance them is to keep them in good condition and sell them on.

Is Op living hamd to mouth? Did she say that? If that's the e case why didn't sell the smaller items too if her children are going without?

Just tell your brother the things you’re pleased to be able to pass on to them for free.
Any other bits, keep and don’t mention to him. Then sell them.

You have forked out £100’s for those items so why shouldn’t you get a bit back for them.
I think you were perfectly reasonable to say that.
He does sound like a CF.

Plenty of people are in a position where they can afford to give away things they’d only get a couple of quid for like used clothes, but not bigger expensive items like prams where they could make £50 or £100. Trying to catch her out with such black and white thinking is silly.

Op shouldn’t be guilt tripped or manipulated into giving away items she can resell
ohhhh but it’s family..well if it’s family you’ll understand reason to pay a fair price for lovely items and not expect or cadge a freebie

Plenty of people are in a position where they can afford to give away things they’d only get a couple of quid for like used clothes, but not bigger expensive items like prams where they could make £50 or £100. Trying to catch her out with such black and white thinking is silly.
Agree with this.

I can't work out whether people are unaware that they're privileged if they can pass on hundreds of pounds worth of stuff without it affecting family finances or whether they genuinely believe it's accept to feel entitled to freebies because a a relative happened to have children before them.

Yes, my family and I sent baby and child clothes back and forth all the time with no expectation of them being returned. Same with toys and books. I wouldn’t be cheeky enough to ask for a pram however, my family aren’t well off. If offered for free I might have gladly accepted but it wouldn’t have been an expectation.

My thoughts exactly.
Charging your own family ?
Honestly I'd just be glad I could help them out .

Your DH clearly has never read the countless posts on MN and elsewhere when someone that you 'loan' something like a cot or Moses basket or buggy to, takes it upon themselves to sell said item and pocket the money. Or the threads where these 'loaned' items come back to the person who loaned them in the first instance in a terrible state and there is no way that any money at all could be made from selling them on.

My advice @Cymruhills, is to say you're offering them to Brother and SiL at 'mates rates', which you're saying is 25% of the cost of them if they had to buy them new. If they don't want them, you will be posting them on Whatever Site (wherever you planned on posting them but you'll be putting them on for 30% of the price it cost you new) and if they still want them, they'll have to pay the 30% rate. This offer is only good for 24hrs.

Then post the items on the site you want to sell them on but at 30% of the cost of the item new.

Don't loan them. You will get back either nothing or broken equipment.