To have left this date.

[Needtonamechange9]

So I'm pretty certain I'm in the right.

I've been talking to this guy on the Bumble app for almost 2 months. Finally pinned down a date we could both meet (tonight).

I spent time getting ready and uberring 30 mins to see him and this is what happens. I'm the grey one.

I'm still in shock and on way home. If you read the rest of the messages from before today this guy seemed SO NORMAL!!!! Has a good job, kids.... WTF!!!!

I agree with all this. A late evening first date in a bar 30minutues from you, 10minutes from him, is not a good idea for a first date.

Chatting for 2 months before meeting is too long. You need a quick coffee date early on to see if there's any real life rapport before you start getting invested. A no show like that should just be a nope and move on, not back and forth texting.

OP has been told:

He only wanted a drink
You're unhinged
Hes had a lucky escape
You're massively overreacting

Amongst other things. Quite clearly saying what was the issue? The issue is he's a fucking weirdo.

100%

Can't believe the number of posts saying HE'S had a lucky escape!

Well I wouldn't have beenimpressed with the lateness or trying to get me to go to his but I wouldn't have jumped to threesoms

For me it went wrong when he didn't reply to your first texts.

If you were a priority and he liked you as much as he said surely he would have let you know sooner/ before you traveled etc.

As for the rest no one will ever know!

@Needtonamechange9 I'm just going to point out another first date red flag you missed - he offered to get you an Uber, to do that you would have had to give him your address.

You do realise that you have no idea of the truth aswell? You are also just a stranger on the internet with an opinion.

Well spotted! I missed that too.

You sound unhinged, why did you think he wanted a threesome. Not great, but at least he didn't brush off his friend obviously should have let you know earlier. I think he's had a lucky escape tbh!!

Yes but not a single one of them said oh great let's toddle off to random strange man's house for innocent drinks

The guy is a flaky twat but quite how the OP kept jumping to threesomes is mind boggling.

Still, she did the right thing regardless.

I'm a bit shocked at people saying op is BU. She has never met this man and he did not show up on their first date and instead suggested she comes over on some bs pretense that his friend is upset and has showed up at his house at 10pm on a sunday. If that doesn't ring alarm bells than I don't know what does.

I think you did the right thing not going to his house, but I do think you jumped to quite spectacular conclusions. Men and women are allowed to be friends - I'd maybe have reacted like that when I was much younger, but not at this age - I'd have given the benefit of the doubt/arranged another time/discussed it with him over the phone.

I guess it's one of several things though - he could be, as you're implying, a massive creep that just wants to get his leg over. He could be generally a bit insensitive and not realised just how important a first date can be. Or, he could be a genuinely lovely guy trying to look out for his friend and work away round the situation without totally blowing you off.

All that being said, OP, I hope you're ok - sounds like a stressful evening. Your feelings are valid and it must have been hard if you were looking forward to seeing him.

He was rude and flakey for leaving you hanging, and then lazy and presumptuous for inviting you over cause he couldn’t be bothered to walk 5 minutes to meet you.

You jumped straight to threesome and turned the conversation entirely wackadoodle.

Sorry you got mugged off, but maybe rein it in a bit next time. Ultimately whether the friend really had boyfriend trouble or whether he wanted a threesome is irrelevant - he stood you up, so you go home and find someone better.

On a saturday*, not a sunday!

I've been doing online dating and can absolutely understand why OP jumped to a threesome.

I've just realised this was posted on AIBU not Relationships. I wonder how many people saying OP is unhinged have recently tried the creepy world of 40s online dating?

You both sound awful for each other. Recipe for disaster.

I don't agree with his actions, but you sound paranoid af.

He is weird for bringing a friend along to a first date. Most normal people would either cancel and explain that they were sorry and that their friend needed them, or would tell the friend they were busy. This would be enough for me to think he was naive and a lacked boundaries.

On the other hand, your response is also odd as he hasn't mentioned anything about sex, and despite seeming a little odd, he also came across as genuine.

Basically, this was always going to end in disaster somewhere down the line.

He sounds dodgy af and I am shocked by a lot of these responses. People saying he sounds sweet, just taking care of his friend, he dodged a bullet because you're cray cray, poor guy etc. Misogynistic bullshit. The only reason I think he might not have been after a threesome is that I doubt the other woman existed - just trying to get you to his house. I used Couchsurfing a lot when I was younger and went to stay with a guy whose profile said he lived with a female housemate. We spoke on the phone before I went and he said the same thing. Turned up and yep - he lived alone and tried it on with me. Total creep.

This.

People who reckon this man was possibly genuine are missing a big fucking alarm bell.

If a good friend turned up crying on your sofa because of boyfriend trouble, the last thing you would do is invite a girl you’ve not even met yet back to witness/participate in those conversations. A good friend to someone in genuine need would cancel the date. A good friend to someone doing alright but needing some time out from home drama might leave the sad friend at home in their flat and go out on the date, probably never ever telling the date about it.

The truth will either be the sad friend was faked to trick OP into going back to his or OPs threesome bullshit radar was right on the money.

He's 48?? Jeez I assumed he was a student the way he's talking/acting - with female friends turning up randomly at his home upset about their boyfriends and then wanting you to hang out there cos he had music on. He sounds about 20!

I wouldn't have gone on about sex and threesomes so much because that's really in your head not in his texts, but he does sound immature and he was super rude to behave like this so you were right to leave.

I am very familiar with the world of online dating in my forties.

Yes, there are weirdos out there and yes, he hasn't covered himself in glory. But accusing him of sounding drunk when he's sending perfectly lucid messages and repeatedly insisting, despite messages to the contrary, that he either wants a threesome or sex with a female friend is not behaviour I'd want in a prospective partner either.

So I don't think either of them sound like a catch.

Not really sure what your point is? Of course I realise I'm a stranger on the Internet, I wasn't claiming to be besties with the serial killer or anything 🤷‍♀️

Finish your cereals and turn off your console now.

The 'friend' was totally made up! I can't believe how many naive women there are on this thread...!

He isn't 'flaky' he's dodgy as fuck!