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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have left this date.

1000 replies

Needtonamechange9 · 24/02/2024 23:00

So I'm pretty certain I'm in the right.

I've been talking to this guy on the Bumble app for almost 2 months. Finally pinned down a date we could both meet (tonight).

I spent time getting ready and uberring 30 mins to see him and this is what happens. I'm the grey one.

I'm still in shock and on way home. If you read the rest of the messages from before today this guy seemed SO NORMAL!!!! Has a good job, kids.... WTF!!!!

To have left this date.
To have left this date.
To have left this date.
To have left this date.
To have left this date.
OP posts:
MassageForLife · 24/02/2024 23:14

Yanbu to be annoyed at him being late. Yanbu to want your first date to be just you and him.

Yabvu for pretty much everything else. You were like a dog with a bone. Despite him explaining what he meant, you wouldn't let it go. I'm really surprised he still turned up to be honest.

Besttobe8001 · 24/02/2024 23:14

Are you all reading different messages from me??

On a first date and he wanted her to go to his place and chill with some random woman she doesn't know?

Of course he was testing her boundaries, any person with self respect and self preservation would say FUCK NO to that preposterous suggestion.

JacobElordisBathWater · 24/02/2024 23:14

I’m with you, OP.

You arranged to meet somewhere a 30 mins taxi from you but five minutes from him and he turned up (eventually) an hour late?

I’d have left too.

spermwhale · 24/02/2024 23:15

A massive overreaction on your part!

Tel12 · 24/02/2024 23:15

It was definitely weird. You didn't know thus woman what would you be able to talk about, let alone the risk of going to someone's house that you have never met. I think that your instincts were right.

Kattenburg · 24/02/2024 23:15

Good move. You're absolutely right to give up on such a weirdo.
Everything about these texts say he is a creep.

LizFromMotherland · 24/02/2024 23:15

Besttobe8001 · 24/02/2024 23:14

Are you all reading different messages from me??

On a first date and he wanted her to go to his place and chill with some random woman she doesn't know?

Of course he was testing her boundaries, any person with self respect and self preservation would say FUCK NO to that preposterous suggestion.

No, we're reading the same messages...the ones where the OP keeps banging on about sex and threesomes, weirdly!

alwaysmovingforwards · 24/02/2024 23:15

@Needtonamechange9

No I'm with you on this one. That's totally unacceptable for a first date!!
You've not even met once yet.
That message exchange would've totally weirded me out.
And he's telling you he wants to be in a relationship but can't arrive to a first date on time?!?
Fucking oddball, I'd be blocking this one and moving on.

Original poster
Needtonamechange9 · 24/02/2024 23:16

CherrySocks · 24/02/2024 23:14

Why has it taken almost 2 months to meet in person? He sounds quite young or naive. It was weird he didn't tell his female friend he had an appointment. You were right not to go to the house of a complete stranger. The female friend might have been a story he made up to get you to go to his house, for all you know.

He's 48 years old. He's had his kids a lot of the time or we've been working .

OP posts:
HellonHeels · 24/02/2024 23:16

He's flaky and weird. And really rude to leave you hanging in the bar while he chats to his random visitor.

You've never even met and he changes the plan and invites you over to his so the three of you can "have a nice evening" - at 10pm? Sounds like a booty call to me so I don't think you saying he wants a threesome is at all far fetched. No thanks!

JacobElordisBathWater · 24/02/2024 23:16

And going to a male strangers house unplanned is never a good idea. Saying he has another female friend there sounds quite Fred West.

Capmagturk · 24/02/2024 23:16

Weird all round. Weird you jumped to a threesome when he kept saying it wasn't that BUT my alarm bells would of gone off and I'd of left because who was even to say the friend was real and that story wasn't a ruse to make you feel safe to go to his place, who knows what his intentions were. Maybe I'm para but I think you did the right thing leaving. Even if that wasn't his intentions. Not turning up on time or messaging to let you know a friend turned up and he was running late and to leave you sitting so long was wrong. Weird he also suggested a bar 5 mins from his house that you could quickly get to, to meet him and his "friend".

CyndiLauper · 24/02/2024 23:17

I think he sounded super dodgy and was hiding something. Am sure your threesome instinct was right. Sounded like some fucked up trap. People not in the weird world of online dating might think you overacted but I’m pretty sure you were right!

OneFrenchEgg · 24/02/2024 23:17

Well you are right to give it up as a bad call.
Is there a woman friend in trouble or just a ploy to get you there?
If there is, how rude not to call you or text you as soon as he was going to be late
If there is a woman friend, he will be more connected to her and not a first date so I could understand cancelling but not radio silence
He sounds flaky anyway and had let two women down - his mate he sent home and you he didn't turn up to

Divebar2021 · 24/02/2024 23:17

Well that was a bit odd - if I turned up to the bar and he didn’t show I would be gone after 30 mins. I wouldn’t have had a long drawn out conversation with him once I knew he was at home with a female friend. He was weird because firstly he stood you up which is a dick thing to do and then proceeded to have a long text conversation with you while he was allegedly counselling his friend. Of course you’re not going to go to his house if you haven’t met him before.

CherrySocks · 24/02/2024 23:18

Needtonamechange9 · 24/02/2024 23:16

He's 48 years old. He's had his kids a lot of the time or we've been working .

Show quote history

How do you know if you haven't met him in real life?

EmilyTjP · 24/02/2024 23:18

Don’t get me wrong, you were right not to go to his place and meet them both. I’m not disputing that. I just think you made it super weird accusing him of wanting a threesome. You should have just said no, we’ll arrange it another day (or ditch him completely for letting you down).

Mammyloveswine · 24/02/2024 23:19

I don't think you overreacted at all! He's a chancer! Bet she turned him down!

Block and move on!

EmilyTjP · 24/02/2024 23:19

CyndiLauper · 24/02/2024 23:17

I think he sounded super dodgy and was hiding something. Am sure your threesome instinct was right. Sounded like some fucked up trap. People not in the weird world of online dating might think you overacted but I’m pretty sure you were right!

Threesome instinct 😂 ffs

Thedogscollar · 24/02/2024 23:19

Jesus you made some huge assumptions there.
I think he's dodged a bullet tbh.
Massive huge over reaction to think he was suggesting a threesome.
You sound very accusatory and just strange. I can't quite believe you think YANBU.

Lesina · 24/02/2024 23:19

You seem remarkably precious and insecure. Massive over reaction

Herdinggoats · 24/02/2024 23:20

You sound totally unhinged. Yes he was flaky, but I really do not know where you got threesome from- and then why you kept going on about it

mdinbc · 24/02/2024 23:20

I agree you over-reacted and made up assumptions.

Honestly, it sounds like he is a nice guy, giving a shoulder to a friend in need. He offered an alternative, but you assumed (strangely) an ulterior motive. While I wouldn't be keen to go to a man's house on a first date, you should have just allowed him to cancel. It was unfortunate, but I think we have all had a friend in crisis at an inopportune moment. I think the correct response would be 'not worry, support your friend, we'll meet up another time'.

I wouldn't bother to carry on this relationship, since it seems you will hold a grudge against him and his friend.

EricaJohns · 24/02/2024 23:21

I'm.with you OP. But then I wouldn't have planned a meet at that time and that distance.

Top tip for life.

First.meet up should ALWAYS be a Coffee at a shop in the town nearest you and at an early time when there's lots of people around and limited to an hour.

Never travel to the man..
Never meet late.
Never plan or consume alcohol on first meets.
Never plan long dates for first meets, only ever quick, hour max.

This guy sounds like a creepy cringey POS.

JungsWordTest · 24/02/2024 23:21

That's a bit of a bonkers reaction on your part, OP.

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