To have left this date.

[Needtonamechange9]

So I'm pretty certain I'm in the right.

I've been talking to this guy on the Bumble app for almost 2 months. Finally pinned down a date we could both meet (tonight).

I spent time getting ready and uberring 30 mins to see him and this is what happens. I'm the grey one.

I'm still in shock and on way home. If you read the rest of the messages from before today this guy seemed SO NORMAL!!!! Has a good job, kids.... WTF!!!!

What an all round crazy situation. OP clearly thought it was a lot more serious than it actually was and the bloke was fucking around. The woman at the house was his first date of the evening, they were having too good a time and overran. He was being nice to keep her sweet, preying on her vulnerability. Probably figured if he turned up late she may come back after all and he’d have his second (third?) treat of the evening.

How is it embarrassing for OP? What's he gonna do? Tell all his weirdo sex pest mates he got called out when he tried to lure a complete stranger back to his place after leaving her alone in a bar for an hour. Must have some weird mates if you think it's HER who's behaviour is embarrassing.

Of course he was implying a threesome. But she didn't pick up on his insinuation, so he backtracked.

Regardless, it is extremely bad manners to leave her waiting in a bar. That, in itself, is enough.

Some people have such low standards in men it's depressing.

Can't believe this is even a discussion.

If people take anything away from this thread, if a man wants to come to your house or asks you to come to his after 10pm: he is not thinking about a cup of tea.

Oh now, come on. Let's give the guy the benefit of the doubt. He had "the music on", remember? He clearly only wanted to listen to Beethoven and "chill". I don't know why OP didn't jump at the chance. She could have had a little drink with this prince of a man, whilst his "friend" wept silently in the corner.

Sounds idyllic. And not all totally fucking batshit.

@Matronic6 if people take anything away from this thread, if a man wants to come to your house or asks you to come to his after 10pm: he is not thinking about a cup of tea.

Thanks for the warning, some women on this thread are not aware of that.

Very convenient it was a female friend and not a male one (who is much more likely to drop by unannounced) who was distraught because his football team lost and wanted to rant/have a few beers. He’d know he couldn’t get away with asking you round even if it had genuinely happened. Funny that.

He said that was the situation.
That doesn't mean he was telling the truth.
He could have been alone. The woman could have been a man. Or two men. Or actually a woman and up for a threesome.

Op had no way of knowing if the situation this man she had not yet met was as he described.

Only a fool would have proceeded.

Oh he's such a niiice guy, he said he was helping a female friend, so clearly that was exactly what he was doing, what a champ.

Sorry, but I’m with you on this.
It’s all very odd.
Why not just say to friend- “sorry I’m just off out.”
I am personally wondering if he has done this before and this is what the plan was.
Why invite you there? Why would he think you’d want to go to someone’s place to meet two complete strangers?
I wouldn’t trust it to be genuine- you did the right thing.

I understand that you were disappointed, but tbh it does seem like you overreacted. Supposing it had been the other way round and a male friend of yours turned up and needed support. If you’d have text him and said that you may be late and he immediately said oh do you mean we can have a threesome you would have been creeped right out!

OP didn’t ask if they could have a threesome.

Were some of you literally born yesterday?

Its scary what excuses some women will make. The world is going mad!

🤡

Yup!

The female "friend" was a very carefully engineered part of his (glaringly obvious threesome) plan.

If you're meeting up for the first time, then adding a friend to the mix is a great way to suss someone out. Ofc that deviates from your script ...

YANBU for leaving, but the threesome thing is wild on your part

You sound a bit deranged in those messages op

chill out a bit!

I just think he sounds like a dickhead. Imagine thinking it's ok to bring another person to a first date anyway?

I remember randomly meeting a guy at a concert once and going for a coffee with a respective friend each. He took my number and we arranged to meet the following afternoon. He seemed lovely, quick witted, cute, funny.

The guy I met the next day was none of the above. When I walked in he was talking on the phone to a female. I sat down expecting him to wrap up the call but he continued on a tedious three way performance smiling at me saying things like "she's just walked in and looks even better than i remember... A dress and boots... Brown... " and so on. It was a massive cringe. I went to get a drink but when I returned he was still going on "oh she's coming back... Ok I will... (turned to me) do you want to come for dinner in Anita's later... She's smiling... Oh no she's stopped... "

This vomit inducing performance continued, I zoned out and looked around the bar. Finally I stood up and put my coat on. He was horrified and got off the phone immediately. I told him he was being really rude, clearly he thought it was funny but it wasn't. He went absolutely puce red, all down his neck and speechless. I felt very sorry for him and just wanted to leave but stayed another awkward 30 mins . He was really clueless.

The problem in this situation is he is either a scary monster or a clueless rude idiot but neither of those are acceptable. OP's only mistake imo was waiting as long as she did and bothering to question his motives.

Ted Bundy was a ‘nice’ guy which was why he was able to fool a lot of those poor women. Not saying this guy’s a serial killer but you’re not nice just because you say you are, but it seems some women on here think if you say so then it must be true. Eek!

How many times has a friend ever spontaneously turned up at your house, upset over a boyfriend/girlfriend? I'll happily share that has never happened to me. People generally don't do that IME and the types that would are very demanding. It would be a nightmare being in a relationship with someone whose friends thought this was OK and a man who would just bow to them, anyway.

He comes across as very calm and measured in the face of sudden batshittery! An appealing quality.

Wtf?!

On NO planet is it remotely normal behaviour to bring a third party on a first date at the last minute.

So did Ted Bundy and Jeffrey Dahmer I imagine ....

I can’t help but think of the connection between posts on here ‘you’ve massively overreacted’ and a ton of other threads about being stuck with absolute asshole wasters.