Page 3 | To have left this date.

Needtonamechange9 · 2024-02-24T23:00:24+00:00

So I'm pretty certain I'm in the right. I've been talking to this guy on the Bumble app for almost 2 months. Finally pinned down a date we could both meet (tonight). I spent time getting ready and uberring 30 mins to see him and this is what happens. I'm the grey one. I'm still in shock and on way home. If you read the rest of the messages from before today this guy seemed SO NORMAL!!!! Has a good job, kids.... WTF!!!!

fusspot25 · 24/02/2024 23:21

What a car crash! Yes he was incredibly unreasonable to leave you sitting there alone but why on earth you jumped into sex/threesomes I have no idea. Bizarre!

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 24/02/2024 23:21

Besttobe8001 · 24/02/2024 23:14

Are you all reading different messages from me??

On a first date and he wanted her to go to his place and chill with some random woman she doesn't know?

Of course he was testing her boundaries, any person with self respect and self preservation would say FUCK NO to that preposterous suggestion.

This! Whether or not he actually wanted a threesome, he is still absolutely testing the boundaries. He broke the agreed arrangement and tried (repeatedly) to persuade the OP to go to his home. That goes totally against all rules of safe online dating. This is someone OP hasn't met in real life. He could be anyone. I would bet anything once she got there she would find him alone with the 'distraught friend' having conveniently left 🙄🤦‍♀️

DogsAreBetterThanHusbands · 24/02/2024 23:22

YANBU

I do think it was weird that you assumed threesome. I was thinking more along the lines of serial killer trying to get you to his house.

You arrange to meet in a public place. He says no because a female friend has turned up unexpectedly at his house and invites you over. Like he wouldn't have invited you over to his house on your first meeting because it is not a public place. But he seems to think it's okay because there's already another female there like he is trying to put you at ease. You tell him that's weird and he replies oh well I'm just such a good guy I can't say no to a female in need. Again, trying to make you feel it ease with coming to his house because he's such a nice guy and there's already a female there.

So I think you did the right thing!

justanothermanicmonday1 · 24/02/2024 23:23

He was 100000% creepy and there was red flags all over the place. But your accusations where wild 😂

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 24/02/2024 23:23

He was flaky, you were paranoid. Not a great combination.

determinedtomakethiswork · 24/02/2024 23:23

I burst out laughing when you said he was 48. I thought he was about 19.

Of course you are in the right. I don't know why you arranged to meet him so late anyway. I can't believe he wanted to meet at 10 pm.

I don't think he was after a threesome but I do think he would've been quite happy to stay in his own house and have two women visiting him. God knows what was going on in his mind though

SeanMean · 24/02/2024 23:24

Why did you keep banging on about threesomes?!

Mazuslongtoenail · 24/02/2024 23:25

I’m staggered by the responses that think OP is BU.

I’m fascinating to know what those people would have done in the same situation. Gone round? Waited another hour?

DrunkenElephant · 24/02/2024 23:26

Mazuslongtoenail · 24/02/2024 23:25

I’m staggered by the responses that think OP is BU.

I’m fascinating to know what those people would have done in the same situation. Gone round? Waited another hour?

No, the OP was absolutely right to not go to his house. She was also right to leave (I’d have left much earlier!), she has every right to be pissed off with him and never see him again.

But the repeated threesome accusations are crazy.

Loubelle70 · 24/02/2024 23:27

I think youre over invested in this guy. Too much too soon...if youre both only 5 minutes away why havent u both met before? Get a date asap.. within a couple week..then youre not wasting time.
Its shitty of him that he had this woman over.. he should have said he had a date...if it was me i wouldn't have gone into detail with him...but i wouldn't have gone on another date.
He was disrespectful of your time. Id blow him out. However you did over react. He isn't dating you... The conversation was far too heavy.... If i was him I'd think whoooa wtf this is heavy for a non relationship...i would finish it if i was him... But if also finish it if i was you. This is a non starter

TheShellBeach · 24/02/2024 23:28

Mazuslongtoenail · 24/02/2024 23:25

I’m staggered by the responses that think OP is BU.

I’m fascinating to know what those people would have done in the same situation. Gone round? Waited another hour?

I didn't think the OP was BU not to stay for the doubtful pleasure of meeting this man.

I did think she was BU to suggest that he was after a threesome.

Original poster

Needtonamechange9 · 24/02/2024 23:28

CherrySocks · 24/02/2024 23:18

How do you know if you haven't met him in real life?

Show quote history

That's something you talk about when you're chatting. Ask if they've got kids etc. age is on his profile.

OP posts:

EricaJohns · 24/02/2024 23:29

determinedtomakethiswork · 24/02/2024 23:23

I burst out laughing when you said he was 48. I thought he was about 19.

Of course you are in the right. I don't know why you arranged to meet him so late anyway. I can't believe he wanted to meet at 10 pm.

I don't think he was after a threesome but I do think he would've been quite happy to stay in his own house and have two women visiting him. God knows what was going on in his mind though

"let's meet at 10pm"....

In his head...
'and then you can have a few drinks, and if it gets too late to get home, you can stay at my house which is only 5 minutes away... I'll tell you I won't try anything, obviously, I'm a nice guy... I'll tell you I really like you and think I can see a future for us. I'll also say, I'm 48, I don't want to mess about now... Want something serious and a proper relationship... I'll sit a little too close but that's okay.. I'll put my hand on your leg.. by accident.. I bought some wine special.. put some music on, get you relaxed... Dead cert..'

Loubelle70 · 24/02/2024 23:29

DogsAreBetterThanHusbands · 24/02/2024 23:22

YANBU

I do think it was weird that you assumed threesome. I was thinking more along the lines of serial killer trying to get you to his house.

You arrange to meet in a public place. He says no because a female friend has turned up unexpectedly at his house and invites you over. Like he wouldn't have invited you over to his house on your first meeting because it is not a public place. But he seems to think it's okay because there's already another female there like he is trying to put you at ease. You tell him that's weird and he replies oh well I'm just such a good guy I can't say no to a female in need. Again, trying to make you feel it ease with coming to his house because he's such a nice guy and there's already a female there.

So I think you did the right thing!

This ... Its odd.

TeabySea · 24/02/2024 23:29

Needtonamechange9 · 24/02/2024 23:06

My issue is he said the three of us could ' meet together and have a good night.' What does that mean? Especially if this is a first date between me and him.

Meet as in meet.
Have a good night as in, have a nice time, as in talk, or have food, or all go out.

I'd be annoyed with the messing up a first date, but as pretty much everyone had said, you have massively overreacted. It is possible to have friends of the opposite sex and not have intercourse with them. It is possible to have friends meet a partner (or prospective one) without there being a sexual element.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 24/02/2024 23:29

10pm what on earth was he supposed to be doing until then ?

Next time don't waste 2 months of your life talking to someone,

if both of you work sooooooooo much and he has his children that often then it wouldn't have worked out anyway - no time for each other.

Niknakk · 24/02/2024 23:29

Absolutely can't believe the comments you're getting. So would this many people actually think oh great let's toddle off to random strange man's house for innocent drinks...nah! He was up to something! Yeah you have totally overreacted about the sex thing, but, he is a walking red flag. Why would you head off to a strangers? He has used an excuse to try and get you there for sure.

Over40Overdating · 24/02/2024 23:30

Whether OP was right about the threesome or overreacted, her instinct that this guy was off was right.

No 48 year old man is going to leave a woman he’s going to meet for the first time, who might turn into a good shagging prospect, hanging because a platonic friend with boyfriend troubles has showed up to cry on his shoulder unless he thinks he’s getting his leg over. He certainly wouldn’t be inviting his first date to come hang out with another stranger to ‘chill’ unless he’s playing games.

The people claiming he’s a nice guy who has lad a lucky escape from OP are either seriously naive or as dodgy as this guy.

FuckityFuckBollocks · 24/02/2024 23:31

He actually sounds like he could be really sweet. Inviting you over to his was slightly forward for a first date maybe that’s the way he rolls.

I do think he should have just stuck with the original plan though and arranged to see his friend another night though.

Your reaction about threesomes was a bit unhinged however he wasn’t offended or surprised by your accusation which does seem a bit odd.

ElizabethCage · 24/02/2024 23:31

You sound completely unhinged

Treehuggingmutherfunkin · 24/02/2024 23:32

You're a bit aggy but he's annoying, i would have cut the conco and left when he said to come to his

Treehuggingmutherfunkin · 24/02/2024 23:33

Also bumble dates or online dares latest 6pm

Couldyounot · 24/02/2024 23:34

You can do better than this one, OP. Whatever else he may have intended (or not) he stood you up. Not OK.

YouDidntEvenAskIfSheWasThereMoriarty · 24/02/2024 23:35

I'd be pissed off about him failing to meet me and expecting to have a third wheel along for our first meeting.

But you really lost the high ground when you started accusing him of wanting a threesome or wanting to have sex with his friend. That was a massive leap.

Honestly, do you want to have sex with every single man you know?

Zwicky · 24/02/2024 23:35

I would never have thought threesome from that in a million years. I would have thought he was a catfish and was delaying a meeting because he is not a handsome 48yo dad with a job AT ALL, or the woman doesn’t exist and he thinks if he says there is a woman in his house you are more likely to think it’s safe to go over, and then he’ll kill you. Either way, there is no woman and no threesome.