To have left this date.

[Needtonamechange9]

So I'm pretty certain I'm in the right.

I've been talking to this guy on the Bumble app for almost 2 months. Finally pinned down a date we could both meet (tonight).

I spent time getting ready and uberring 30 mins to see him and this is what happens. I'm the grey one.

I'm still in shock and on way home. If you read the rest of the messages from before today this guy seemed SO NORMAL!!!! Has a good job, kids.... WTF!!!!

Yes, unhinged is what I was thinking too. Imagine being in a relationship with someone who jumps the gun so quickly.

Perhaps you're not reading them properly?

No-one is saying the OP should've gone round there.

Just that it was pretty clear the only person going on about sex was the OP, even when the flaky guy kept explaining.

I would have left. But not because I thought he was having a threesome, but because he didn't bother to let me know he was running late.

What a sinister little creep. Set up a date that needs you to uber for 30 minutes and then instead of showing his face, tries to coerce you into going to his place 5 minutes away🤑 Once there, you could have found yourself in any kind of situation. By the way, someone who say they 'wouldn't let down a woman in trouble' whilst asking you to do something risky should set massive red flags.
Well done OP, you dodged a bullet tonight.

You come across a bit insane. He clearly didn’t mean anything like a threesome, or getting you there for sex. And going on and on about how he must be having a sex with her because she is a woman in his house? He can have female friends.

Look, you were going to have a date and his friend turned up. He was torn between going on the date or supporting his friend and he tries, maybe in a misguided way, to have both by inviting you over so he could see you and not let his friend down. He shouldn’t have because that’s an awkward first date but why on earth did you respond the way you did? You sound insane.

I would have said, “I don’t want to have our first date with your friend hanging out too. It’s our first meeting so can you tell your friend that you’re busy and come meet or would you rather I went home? Because I’m not waiting around while you hang with a friend.”

But you twisted it all and made accusations and acted insane about him having a female friend. He has dodged a bullet.

I don't know if he was planning a threesome, but the whole thing was weird as fuck. From wanting to meet at 10pm, choosing a venue 5 minutes from his but 30 from yours, he's late, clearly drunk, then tries to lure you to his place to meet this supposed female friend who is upset but yet he's still messaging you. Weird, weird, weird.

Could have been a threesome he was after, could have wanted to "party hardy", who knows? He's dodgy as fuck though, and it's you who's had a very lucky escape. You need to be a lot more careful in future as there are some right weirdos out there - especially on the likes of Tinder/Bumble.

Absolutely can't believe the comments you're getting. So would this many people actually think oh great let's toddle off to random strange man's house for innocent drinks...nah!

Exactly 'nah'.

Not one single person has said this.

No but they have just said he's a nice guy supporting a friend 😂

By the time you arrived the ‘female friend’ would conveniently have left. Sounds like a creep and you’ve kept yourself safe.

I would have said ‘I hope friend is doing ok and sorts it out with her boyfriend. Have a nice night I’m gonna head home’ and then explain that as he stood me up and left me waiting without explaining I wouldn’t be interested in a ‘second’ date but all the best.

You could have just said either tell your friend you're busy and come here to meet me, or we call it off.

All the stuff about threesomes was weird and frankly in your head.

Fucking hell. He had a lucky escape! The only one going on about sex was you. First date and you went full on crazy

Can I ask how many people on this thread actually have experience of how WEIRD men on online dating threads can be??

it's been a long time since I was in this situation but when I was single and online dating in London the number of men who would try various ways of persuading you to change plans, got leery, tested my boundaries, made me uncomfortable, suggested a whole range of weird or unexpected things, turned out not to match what they'd said.

and why do so many people thing a threesome is so unlikely? I would say it is almost certain that either he would be alone and was luring the OP on false pretences or the threesome hopes would be a close second possibility. On no account would I believe he is just a kind, innocent man wronged by an overreacting OP. I am shocked by the responses on this thread.

That was late to meet a first date. 10pm? No. Meet at lunch time of much, much earlier than 10pm.

he was incredibly rude and disrespectful of your time. Leaving you in the bar? Out of order. Also you requested earlier than ten he suggested. What time did he eventually rock up after agreeing to meet you earlier than the time he originally wanted? Close to the time he wanted?

but your messages were just really, really weird.

ultimately, he sounds awful

That was extremely shabby of him to blow off your first date and not even really
bother to tell you. You leapt to a bit of an odd conclusion he was after a threesome, but nonetheless it was still incredibly rude of him to change your date to you essentially being a third wheel to what sounds like a mini counselling session with this friend. Not to mention how would this friend have felt going over to see a friend in distress and then him inviting a date over?

Weird af all round, so you were right to leave it, maybe not quite so right to decide he was after a threesome mind.

Nope I'm completely with you on this OP.

All of it red flags and I'd have thought the same about the threesome.

He's been trying his luck.

he was testing her boundaries
This. Sounds all kinds of shady - you dodged a creepy weirdo.

I don't think you're crazy.
I would feel very unnerved if someone I hardly knew tried to lure me to their flat when we hadn't even met in person.
It could have been a dangerous situation and you were right to not go. He also kept you waiting and waiting. Just so rude.

or a way to get a woman to go to the home of a man she doesnt know, late at night, by thinking there will be a female there so safety.

Gosh, Some people on here are NAIVE

Yup, exactly- that was what I meant by 'luring under false pretences'

Oh my god, you were totally nuts! Poor dude. You were so weird. Was thinking you sounded drunk right before you then accused him 🤣 What’s going on tonight with the crazy overreactions?!

I wonder how many people that are accusing op of over reacting have actually had any experience of the strange men you meet when online dating.
This man was strange op and you've dodged a bullet.
The only thing you did wrong was wait for an hour for him, should have left as soon as he said to come round and meet some woman that had randomly turned up with boyfriend problems 🙄

He sounds flaky, although maybe the friend was in real need of help. However you sound completely unhinged. He's definitely had a lucky scape and maybe you have as well

I thought he was lying about having a woman/friend at his house. He was just trying to get you to go to his house, where god only knows what would have happened.

He sounds like an absolute creep. But why on earth did you plan to meet so late? An evening date shouldn't be starting at 9.30/10pm!

Throw this one back and next time arrange to meet up sooner than 2 months. (I think he was playing the long game to get you back to his house. He sounds really awful.)