To have left this date.

[Needtonamechange9]

So I'm pretty certain I'm in the right.

I've been talking to this guy on the Bumble app for almost 2 months. Finally pinned down a date we could both meet (tonight).

I spent time getting ready and uberring 30 mins to see him and this is what happens. I'm the grey one.

I'm still in shock and on way home. If you read the rest of the messages from before today this guy seemed SO NORMAL!!!! Has a good job, kids.... WTF!!!!

A cuppa and a chat at 10pm on a Saturday night with a person you’ve never met before?
What sort of PG rated world do you live in?

Yes. This is weird.
He isn’t someone I would like to date, and being late to a date would bother me.

but - if it was a male friend in need would you jump to threesome?
why don’t you take him at his word when he said no, especially when he asked multiple times if he should tell her to go ?
and if you are convinced he’s after sex what else would a date result in at 10pm on a Saturday night in the botanist? Last time I was there, granted years ago it was like a nightclub - not intimate, very loud and not date settings at all.

Yeah… how dare she accuses a stranger who wants to lure her on a night date to an apartment where’s he’s entertaining another female to wanting a threesome?

🤣😂🤣

Oh really, @Erdinger ? What do you think he meant by "having a good time together", then? Do you think he was suggesting cucumber sandwiches and Pimm's on the lawn? 🤔

I know it can be hard to believe until it you are approached for it in real life but actually it's one of men's number one aims/fantasies so...

These types don't ask directly, especially the older ones (the younger generation may be more open now), because they know the answer would often be "no". Rather, they sort of engineer the situation and get the target in place and drunk/incapacitated.

Well of course your standards are ‘fine’, you’re measuring them against yourself.

They'd have waited around till closing. Gone round to whatever was happening at this stranger's house, brought takeout and done his washing too.

Because men can be very manipulative- if you have experience of OLD like I have you will really see the cesspit of the low standard quality of men on there and how much they lie and manipulate!

Do you seriously believe that a female friend conveniently turned up at his house at 10pm - the same time he was due to meet op and that op should have just rocked up to his house at 10pm when it’s dark and late? Him being a total stranger that she had never met before? Do you seriously think what he said was believable?

I think leaving was the right thing to do. There is something really off about him letting a friend derail your date and leaving you waiting. If that’s even what happened. You’d have a lifetime of that if you ended up with him.

I'm on your side OP. Regardless of whether there were any sexual intentions, he should have simply turned up at the venue as planned, alone and on time.

What woman who is friends with a 48 year old man would be so flaky she needed him right there and then? If it was for a medical emergency or childcare or something, he would have just said so and rearranged your date.

And who would expect someone they had never met (where it was not an agreed sexual hook up) to come to their place instead of the neutral venue chosen?

He was being mega weird and not at all transparent with you IMO.

At worse it sounded like he was trying to coax you to his house and had pretended a woman was there to get you off guard.

And you don't think that's pretty bad??

But you getting jealous of her and asking about threesomes was strange.

That's what you find strange???

Unfortunately, I had a bit of time on my hands (avoiding cleaning) and all the ones I picked at random and did an advanced search on are long term posters. Which is even more depressing.

Completely agree with all of this.

She called the weirdo out - quite rightly.

She didn’t go to his place - quite rightly.

She left the venue - quite rightly.

Given there are so many dicks on OLD, however, that will be a lot of energy to spend every time one pulls a stunt like this. The whole thing could have been done in far less time. Some people do not deserve this much of your time, energy and angst. Just remove yourself from the situation without flying completely off the handle.

That is what you’re reading. He’s a red flag (as my post said), and she responded with an unnecessary amount of questions and accusations. Just walk away!

I think YANBU for being mad he wanted you to go to his and meet his friend essentially cancelling the date but YABU for that massive over reaction?? Threesome?? Just tell him to either meet you or you’re leaving in 15.

@madeinmanc Oh really, ? What do you think he meant by "having a good time together", then? Do you think he was suggesting cucumber sandwiches and Pimm's on the lawn?

Scrabble.

Leaving : YANBU.

Threesome accusation/insistence/fixation/assumption: YABVU.

Good god you're hard work.

And thank god for that 😂

There is no way that I would have agreed to go to his house without first having met him, and he is way off if he expected any woman to do that.

Also totally expected to put an end to a date given the bizarre option suggested by this guy, and given waiting for him for so long.

But I wouldn’t have started on about the sex stuff, just said ‘it’s now an hour past the agreed time so it looks like our date is off ‘ and blocked him.

So you’re saying you would message him and tell him to meet you after he’d left you there waiting late at night for over an hour and after such a bizarre message exchange where he was trying to lure you to his house - a stranger you’d never met?

You sound as bizarre as each other OP.

It beggars belief doesn’t it!

Don't know about OP or other women on here, but I'd rather be labelled "hard work" by an internet random than raped or dead. So there's that.

I think you jumped to conclusions, but also his behaviour was suspect.