To have left this date.

[Needtonamechange9]

So I'm pretty certain I'm in the right.

I've been talking to this guy on the Bumble app for almost 2 months. Finally pinned down a date we could both meet (tonight).

I spent time getting ready and uberring 30 mins to see him and this is what happens. I'm the grey one.

I'm still in shock and on way home. If you read the rest of the messages from before today this guy seemed SO NORMAL!!!! Has a good job, kids.... WTF!!!!

I think you've dodged a bullet OP.
He's made up the friend as a ruse to get you to go to his house and I imagine had you got there she would've magically just have left.
He probably agreed to meet at the pub thinking if you were out and ready you may be more likely to agree to go to his, more so than agreeing that plan from the start.
I can be rather cynical though, but I think he's a conniving arsehole.

I think all the posts on here saying OP is "crazy" are from the same person, and I also think that said person is not female...

The current social media TradWife trend could learn at lot about being utterly blind to misogyny & patriarchy despite a parade of red flags from a lot of posters on here.

@takemeawayagain you step away from offering women your opinion on their reaction to dodgy men.

Oh really? So a ‘distressed’ female friend conveniently turns up at the same time he’s due to go on a date. And the guy then tells op they can all have some fun together? I mean even if this shit show of a story he pulled together was genuine, what sort of distressed woman is going to want to have ‘fun’ with a stranger! Give your head a wobble!!!

And from what you have just written are you seriously implying you’d give him the benefit of the doubt and just turn up at a strange man’s house late at night? Give your head a wobble!

The op does not have MH problems and is not hard work! The guy seemed hard work! You sound naive!

@Dweetfidilove is spot on. There were much more normal ways to just leave that situation. Agree that you should never go to someone's house for a first date!

Pubs around me are heaving on a Saturday night at that time. As safe a place as any for a first date.

OP ignore all the "he sounds like a nice guy" apologists. He sounds like a manipulator at best. I hope your next date is better!

You sound very very hard work
And he sounds so layed back he's horizontal
Neither of you came of well out of that

Your instincts- I think - were bang on! He’s a total weirdo and you were wise to pull the plug on this. Something wasn’t right at all and you knew it.

The Sunday papers do indeed have a story by Kate McCann who was spiked in plain sight by a group of men.

Being alone, being drunk, going to their house, all so worrying now- it's so sad, I honestly thought that we would all be so much further along in sexual liberation and women being able to choose who and how they have sex, but since hard-core porn arrived on the scene, and (further) messed with men's idea of consent, what is normal and so on, I feel we have taken massive steps back. I used to regularly meet a guy, walk home, snog and feel safe to say no (or yes if the mood took me). I would not do that in a million years now, because the entitlement and expectation of more extreme sex is so pervasive, I would be afraid of what might happen.

I have dated a bit online and have already had these 'bait and switch' experiences, guy up for a relationship but then the second date is proposed at his 'flat', expecting me to travel there. Obviously, I didn't go, but so disappointing, and that's not even mentioning the ones that had multiple women 'friends' and forgot to tell me, or the one that had to stay over in a hotel unexpectedly, would I like to go around, or the one that wanted more full-length shots to see my body after agreeing to a date...I can't take it! I just want to meet a nice middle-aged man who wants a long-term relationship like me.

You're being very repetitive and not a little patronising with your 'advice'. I think most adult women, including OP, know how to keep themselves safe. She had arranged to meet in public and refused to go to the guy's house.

I think 9.30-10 is quite late too but not impossible. Depends on so many factors, e.g. daytime commitments, plus some people are simply night owls. And we all have different ideas of how a first date should look. Personally when I was dating, a walk for example would have been unsuitable as I have a chronic condition that means I can't walk as fast as most people. And I don't think I'd have enjoyed a daytime coffee meet either - most coffee shops are full of dogs and buggies in the daytime - hardly conducive to seeing if there's a spark.

That said, this guy behaved like an arse and OP was absolutely right to throw him back.

@takemeawayagain "Have you had some really bad experiences or something?"

many people have and they know how to avoid it happening again.

don't make OP sound like she's odd.

the familiarity of some posters and what they claim about their past eg long time married, some posters I see on the Elderly Parents board...

I'm not sure if some have a really long history of fake posting or if they really are naive about how the world is now. And I'm not sure which is worse.

As someone who’s done OLD for years this guy sounds unhinged and the whole “night with you and my female friend” dodgy and weird as hell. It also doesn’t sound safe at all. Him and his female friend could be luring women into god knows what, this sounds like a trap and if it’s not His messages are a bunch of red flags on steroids. I would have blocked this guy with no explanation after the “spend the night the three of us” message and run to the hills.

For those who think this guys messages are normal: please stay away from OLD, you don’t understand safety, we don’t want to see you in the headlines of the newspaper.

10pm is late for a date, because it means it's less safe for you as a female to get home after two or three hours out drinking, pretty obvious. Plus then you are 5 min away from his, and an Uber ride away from yours.

So blatant.

My friend who was online dating used to have guys call her after 11 at night, as they were 'in the area'. I had to explain to her what a booty call was.

Nice normal men know that it's not polite or sensible to put women they might like in risky situations such as travelling home at 1am after a first date, which is why they arrange them earlier.

He had the kids, my arse. Who has their kids til 9pm on a Sat night and then drops them home...(more lies).

1. yes it was inconsiderate of him
2. i agree I wouldn’t go to his house on a first date
3. you massively overreacted by assuming he wanted a threesome.

@Needtonamechange9 I think you made the right decision. Keep your standards high and stay safe.

Damned right! This is exactly where I got to. It was way off normal and @Needtonamechange9 could have been in real danger

First sensible reply.
All those saying 'You owe him an apology' 😂absolutely clueless.

This post doesn’t come across well either lol.

Yes so horizontal he was probably in that position already.

Agree. You dodged a bullet OP. Forget about him.

Sorry meant to quote this. I'm hoping there have been many many more sensible replies since then.
So great that the 13 year old daughter above has better instincts than those first couple of pages of absolute eejits.

This , what proof is there another woman was even there

😂 100%

Who cares if he wanted a threesome or a cheap night drinking at home? He left her waiting alone in a bar! That is the deal breaker.