To have left this date.

[Needtonamechange9]

So I'm pretty certain I'm in the right.

I've been talking to this guy on the Bumble app for almost 2 months. Finally pinned down a date we could both meet (tonight).

I spent time getting ready and uberring 30 mins to see him and this is what happens. I'm the grey one.

I'm still in shock and on way home. If you read the rest of the messages from before today this guy seemed SO NORMAL!!!! Has a good job, kids.... WTF!!!!

Yeah right. Dream on.

@XiCi
Another one with a sensible daughter -come join @Fallenangelofthenorth and I! ☺️

Thank goodness some of us are at least getting it right with the future generation of women. 🩷

@Willyoujust see you’ve very swiftly edited your post because your goady post about what you would have done was too over egged, even for an obvious troll.

If encouraging women not to trust their instincts when it comes to staying safe around predatory men is how you & the other ‘poor man’ types get to feel good about yourself, you have bigger issues than the OPs reaction.

He stood you up and messed you around. Next!

We don't know if he's genuinely a soft-hearted guy who's friend turned up distraught, or a lazy git who preferred OP to schlep to his place, or a psycho who was trying to lure her in, or just a massive mind-gamer enjoying letting her down and trying to make her jump through hoops to see him.

As a PP said, even it's the first one, the only correct thing for him to do would be to send a clear explanation and sincere apology.

IME it's most likely he was pulling the "other women hang around me you know, you'll have to stay on your toes to get my attention" controlling schtick to see if OP was going to get sucked in by that.

But whether it was that or something else, possibly something a lot worse, he was disrespectful and rude and unreasonable. It's OP who dodged a bullet.

So OP has high standards. So should we all.

I looked at this thread briefly and was appalled by the responses mocking the Op and left. Then I came back and as it continued, the thought crossed my mind : surely there can't be these many dick-pandering women in the UK?
Then it struck me many of the user names seemed a bit off too and I suspected men and trolls were in play.

dear OP, you were 100% right except in one regard: Do try to have the first date at a more reasonable time and closer to home next time.

I replied before I read all of the other responses. Then realised I hadn’t read the messages properly and it was the first time she was meeting him.

Oh yes. Strange that 😂

I can see why you're annoyed but your response is just bizarre to say the least. Do you usually jump to conclusions so quickly?

If you think thst sounded “innocent enough” then I would suggest you are the one sounding batshit (with all due respect of course).

Oh right so him making her wait on her own in a bar at 10pm at night for an hour and not replying to her messages then trying to get her to come to his house to spend time with him and his friend (both strangers to the op) for a first date isn’t bizarre then! Wow, if this is what some women will accept for a first date it beggars belief’

👏🏻THE👏🏻FRIEND👏🏻DID👏🏻NOT👏🏻EXIST👏🏻

Ok, he wasn't reasonable because he was pathetic and couldn't tell the girl he was busy.
But you were being quite mad with all your accusations and labouring the point when he had quite clearly said you'd got the wrong end of the stick. Amazed he kept saying he wanted to be with you to be honest.

'Netflix and chill' is code for sex anyway ,so by saying come over and 'chill' and 'have a nice time', in some ways he was saying to the OP are you up for it? Perhaps some of you think that when someone's using a unicorn symbol they are just into rainbow cuddly soft toys, or when someone sends an aubergine they are just really into Saturday Kitchen...

I’m 100% with you OP!
Firstly he’s amazingly rude to not show up when / where you agreed.
But more importantly he was absolutely angling for a threesome!!!
Ive had friends experience this before from men on dating apps in London, and the ‘come round to mine, female friend here who I’m comforting, we’ll all have fun together’ is a classic threesome calling card.
I think YOU had a lucky escape from HIM (unlike some other pp, who would have found themselves in a very awks situation!)

Cocktails are between £14 - £17 at The Botanist.

Sounds like a cheapskate who didn't want to pay for the drinks, so thought he'd try and get away with a cheap and zero effort date that would cost him virtually nothing.

But absolutely fine for him to just not bother to be on time and then try to change the plan??

Whether he wanted a threesome or not (and personally I don't necessarily think he did) is a moot point given how much he messed OP about.

Why do so many women insist on setting the bar so low?

He also said 'no I don't JUST want sex'. Um, how can anyone claim the OP overreacted?! Because she called him on it? Because she thinks having a female friend over to 'chill' together isn't her vibe?

I wonder how many people this works on. If he sets up 10 of these dates, and even one is as gullible as some on here, it's working for him.

The thing is- there's nothing wrong with consensual threesomes, or having casual sex! If everyone agrees and is up for it! The Op thought she was on a first date with a potential partner, not a three way hook up!

Hi, OP's date...

The replies are annoying. Anyone who responded that OP's accusations about him having sex with his friend is getting "I can't believe you think she should have gone over there"

I think her replies were weird.

But it wouldn't have mattered what his intentions were because the fact he was lax another answering messages and late for no good reason would have been it for me. Leaving me in a bar waiting because he had a visitor (or any sort) would have been a deal-breaker. I would have left and ignored him from there. Very annoying after getting dressed up for a date and traveling but he's shown himself to be a straight no.

@carelesser Could you please explain where the 1950s morality is?

I'm struggling with your concept of that. Morality? What has keeping safe got to do with 'morals'?

And you can stop accusing me of victim blaming.

The OP has had dozens of other posts telling her she ought not to have met a man at night, in a bar. If that's victim blaming you need to re-think.

The guidance for online dating is on online sites and it's 2024, not 1950.
It's the same as I posted.

I can assure you I have read the thread.

He offered to get her an Uber.
He suggested 10pm (and okay, it ended up as being agreed to 9.30 - as if 30 mins makes any difference.)
She turned up. And left when he phoned with his Option 2 for the evening.

Well done on getting out of there OP. If he was remotely legit he could have asked if he could bring his friend to the bar as she was no longer so distraught that she couldn't have an enjoyable evening. Stupid thing to ask on a first date but giving him any kind of 'nice guy' benefit of the doubt, he might have seen that as a feasible option. But no, all the emphasis was getting the OP to go to his house.

As for all the 'he dodged a bullet', 'poor guy', 'you owe him an apology' comments. Laughable. He was massively in the wrong for all kinds of reasons.

Thank god she “overreacted” or we might all be reading about her in the morning papers.

Always better safe than sorry OP. A man you hadn't met before tried to entice you back to his home rather than meet you in public, as agreed. There may have been no female friend, there may have been a male friend. It's a situation that screams RUN not 'aw the poor pet was just trying to help a damsel in distress'. I'm really shocked at the amount of posters standing up for him, he's a dick either way, female friend or no female friend, he stood you up. You did the right thing.

If this were a scene in a drama, with those messages popping up on screen as they do in such dramas, how many people posting on here would be thinking “Aww, he sounds nice, what a good idea” as opposed to “FGS don’t you see what’s happening! Don’t go!”

I do wonder at the good faith and common sense of some posters.