To ask what your 'glass next to the dishwasher' moment was?

[Rosesareradish]

Or is it the straw that broke the camels back?

I was working today, so I asked DP to get something out of the freezer to defrost for dinner. He was at home with the children, I was working until 6. At lunch time I text to say I would go to Aldi after work so I'd be late home.

I got home at 7.15, I unloaded the car and he put the shopping away. I went for a wee and said goodnight to the children. I then went in to the living room to ask what was for dinner. Nothing! He didn't get anything out of the freezer, he gave the children soup for tea and he had a nice sausage roll he'd bought.

No thought whatsoever to me eating. My irked face probably gave me away and he suggested I have cereal or cook something I'd just bought from Aldi.

AAAARGH.
AIBU to be so annoyed? I would never have left him without dinner after working. Especially if he then went and did the weekly shop afterwards (which he never does anyway..!)

Really frightening but totally relatable…

With every post I read it's becoming clearer to me that this apparent lack of empathy/sympathy/thoughtfulness partnered with selfishness/entitlement/laziness etc followed by shameful, usually irrational, often bordering on ridiculous but definitely 'squirmy' self vindication, is a lot more common amongst our male companions than I imagined! 😳It would be easy to just blame the personalities of each individual DB/DP/DH but I have a real suspicion that it actually goes a lot deeper than that based on the issues which several posters have mentioned and cannot be ignored! 😠Sadly 'comrades' we are and have always been 'up against it' one way or another with the 'males of the species' and with the encouragement of the likes of Mr Tate and his merry band of incels and misogynists 'ain't nothing going to change anytime soon' and we Just need to keep calling it out...LOUDLY!! 🙄

It starts young. I saw a group of teenagers at a local attraction. They were clearly on a school trip but not being supervised and were behaving badly ( later heard the attraction staff complaining loudly about them on their walkie talkies and warning other staff about them). They sat down to eat and left a huge mess of rubbish on the ground. Two of the girls in the group, complaining about the mess, started to clean it up and NOT ONE of these arrogant, entitled teenage boys joined in to help. They just laughed at the girls doing it, and sat there watching them do it.

So in a long post about being emotionally battered and abused since childhood , in a long thread about emotionally abusive partners, you thought it appropriate to do another side swipe? Lovely.

My reference to British white was because another poster asked if it was cultural.

oh this is so sad to read @Pinkdaffodils900
I'm glad you're happier now though.

I’d have stabbed the bastard with the fork. Selfish git.

Whilst what is suggested in the first sentence is probably an accurate assertion I do wonder, relating back to my post, just how many men actually even get to 'first base' on this!🙄 It would seem that they don't understand or even acknowledge that women might actually have 'challenges' that could be seriously affecting them mentally and/or physically, and even when this does occur to them they don't seem in a hurry to adjust their behaviour or make any allowances for it whatsoever?! 😏😥

I was going to suggest feeding him some little 'extras' to improve the taste - such as weed killer, rat poison ect. Only joking, no-one is worth doing time for, LOL 😁

Yes, @Cariadm I think you are right. It is the default men syndrome - everything defaults to a male viewpoint so there is no conception that there may be another way to look at things. But a lot of willful blindness too.

I herniated a disc in my back and had sciatica down both legs. I was out of action for over a month because anything beyond standing and lying flat triggered the pain.
My husband didn't do a single load of washing because he "hates doing laundry". And then when I'd recovered enough to be able to do things around the house, he expected me to catch up on a month's worth of dirty laundry, even though I'd been told to take it easy.

The worst part? Six months prior to this, he had abdominal surgery and I cared for him for a month while he recovered. All aspects of care, including personal care, not just keeping on top of the house. I felt so unappreciated and unvalued.

I didn't do the laundry. I told him it was his responsibility, to sort and pay for out of his share of our disposable income because I wasn't letting it come out of my share or out of the monthly family budget.

I also gave him an ultimatum. Therapy to get to the bottom of why he's like that and make him a better, more caring husband. Or divorce. He picked therapy and thankfully several months on things are a lot better.

@Fruitandclottedcream well done.

Absolutely, and the tools to recognise red flags, and the knowledge that living alone is feasible and not a stain on ones character, and, well I could go on and on.
But yes financial independence, along with the ability to not give it up, whether from having children (lots of women go part time etc) or financial abuse or insert other reason I cant think of cos menopause.

Ex housemate rather than partner. I came home, his parents were visiting but the hoover was on. I poked my head around the living room door and there was his mum, hoovering. I told her that's her son's job, she said she didn't mind. I later asked my housemate why - according to him she enjoyed cleaning...
Months later I caught his mum alone and asked about her son's general lack of willingness to do housework. She said she wanted him to have a fun childhood so he never had to do any chores Amusingly she was forever worried about her lazy son's lack of a partner, I wonder why he wasn't a catch...

I would have taken something large out of the freezer and hit the bastard on the head with it!!

@Fruitandclottedcream Well done you! Think it's a bit late for mine, but I do remind him from time to time

lightwhiteongrey

FOR SOME BIZARRE REASON YOU HAVE COPIED AND PASTED A POST MADE BY MYSELF ON 27/02 AT 16.25pm AND PASSED IT OFF AS YOUR OWN...THIS IS OBVIOUSLY NOT ACCEPTABLE AND HAS BEEN REPORTED TO MUMSNET!!😡

@Cariadm the bolded is to indicate that the poster is responding to your text. Just an old way of doing it without the quote button and tagging.

Good grief! Are you new??? 🤣🤣🤣

No I'm not 'new' and quite frankly what's it got to do with you anyway?!

I cannot imagine someone getting all paranoid and reporting posts at being quoted in the old style. Are you a bit too sensitive to be in social media?

Most people would respond with a “oops sorry!” Not starting a full attack on other posters, and you know, some of us here care when people are particularly nasty so yes, that’s why I replied to your comment.

Have a 🍪! 🙂

It’s never too late.
Leave or tell them to.

Imagine how utterly liberating it would be after 40 years of putting up with someone else’s shit.

Putting things in bold is a way of quoting. Calm down, no-one is plagiarising your pearls of wisdom.

I also gave him an ultimatum. Therapy to get to the bottom of why he's like that and make him a better, more caring husband. Or divorce. He picked therapy and thankfully several months on things are a lot better.

@Fruitandclottedcream out of interest, did he give any reason for why he'd behaved the way he did?

@Cariadm you've got to be new!?!

And extremely bad tempered!

@Cariadm oh dear 🤣🤦🏻‍♀️