For not wanting my cousin to sing at my wedding?

[grimreefer]

My partner and I are getting married abroad. We have spent the last four years saving for our wedding of our dreams.

My first cousin lives in abroad and is a musician in pubs. To be blunt while talented at guitar and songwriting - vocally they are awful. Before emigrating they never had any gigs because locally no bar would pay, but mummy and daddy have put them on a pedistool to the extent they think they’re the best thing going and will one day sell out Wembley. Can you see where this is going?

Long story short, I found out my cousin intends to bring their guitar and perform at the wedding. Her mum said it will be great for the family to have a sing song together. The problem is with my cousin it’s never a sing song together but their own private show. My partner and I have already organised our music for our wedding and we never invited my cousin to come and perform.

I messaged my cousin privately to confirm if this was true which it was, but they also asked if I wanted them to write a song for our wedding to perform. My partner and I really don’t enjoy their vocals and collectively agreed (with immediate family input) that we do not want them to perform at our wedding.

We advised my cousin that we have our musicians arranged and scheduled for our wedding and they should enjoy the time off, and that we are thankful for them for offering but we do not want them to bring their guitar to our wedding.

Uproar. Her mum has texted my mum stating I am being selfish and ridiculous, that her child doesn’t often see family and they don’t often get to see her perform so this would’ve been a great opportunity for everyone. Not only am I selfish but apparently I am jealous. My mum told her that as it is my wedding I am entitled to do what I want and that my aunty doesn’t have to go if she doesn’t want to.

AIBU? I’m not joking but they’re awful. Even reviews on the pubs they sing at say the same.

Your wedding, not your cousin's show.

😂
I came here to ask the same 😁
Could have her friend on the steel drums as the backing group too

I really like how both you and your DM handled it.

I think you need to make sure she’s got a minder or she’ll try to sneak her guitar in.

You could say play for 5 minutes, but give fair warning to your friends who might otherwise think you’ve lost the plot!
If it helps keep family happy, it might be worth it.

@theduchessofspork well it’s the guitarist that’s the problem, not the guitar so I think you were harsh but fair.

@grimreefer I can’t believe your aunt and cousin think your wedding is a spotlight for them. Absolutely right to respond with a hard “no” and absolutely no good will come of making any kind of concession. The suggestion upthread about letting the cousin sing during the musicians’ break is a bad idea; if they are as tone deaf (in more ways than one) as they sound then they will probably use any kind of concession to do what they want. Let them throw their toys out of the pram.

If they are invited you’re going to have to watch that the guitar doesn’t just appear at some point during the day - my concern would be an “impromtu” appearance of the guitar.

Why should they have to book her for anything? They do not like her singing, do not want her to and she's not entitled to a performance because she wants one.

It’s your wedding, you must have it exactly how you want it. Don’t be persuaded I think it’s a bit cringe anyway your cousin wanting to do that.

Say it’s a “guitar free” wedding.

God, the arrogance and entitlement of them!
My friend's brother was famous. We're talking megastar level famous.
When she got married, he turned up, talked to the family (it was a rare chance for him to see and talk to extended family) and stayed in the background besides being on the family photos.

Your cousin and your aunt are being ridiculous. I'd be inclined to do what a previous poster has suggested, and announce they're a comedy act. If they've got the cheek to go on after that, let them. They'll be a laughing stock and it'll be entirely their own fault.

Learn to ignore adult tantrums. If you master that skill, you’ll have no more problems like this. Try rolling your eyes, laughing, tutting and shaking your head and carrying on with your life.

Is it Arg (James Argent?!)?

I’d hate this and would police her behaviour all night just in case she grabbed the mike and tried to sing without her guitar.

Sounds like she is golden child and your aunt and she may have got bees in their bonnets that there’s rivalry between you all.

You could offer one concession actually. I’d tell her she can’t sign at my wedding but I’d be happy for her to sing at my funeral.

I'm a other who would cause that additional trauma. Why, at any gathering that you are organising for your own reasons would you allow A N Other to hijack it?

Your mum is right and your aunt has opened the door. All you have to do is mirror her own behaviour back to her. She and her child are being incredibly selfish viewing your wedding day as their private X Factor occasion.

The answer is no. The invitation is a suggestion not a command, they can refuse it and not attend if they so choose.

And that is the end of it.

If they are desperate for the family to be able to hear her sing then they can.do the blindingly obvious and organised their own get together.

OP find the Tilly thread that was on here last week or week before, that had good advice for dealing with a spoiled, entitled, attention seeking adult.

👏

I think the time has come to be brutally honest as I don't think the message will sink in otherwise.

"As much as I love you and cousin, Aunt, and I really would like you both to be there, cousin will not be singing at my wedding. I know you think she has talent, but she really doesn't. In all likely hood she will end up being ignored at best or booed offstage at worse and I don't want her to feel humiliated or upset (as I'm sure you don't), at what should be a happy occasion", or words to that effect.

Some people really do need to have it spelt out to them and I think your Aunt is one of those people.

Tricky as Op loves her family, but nor their singing.

Say No to the offer for during the ceremony and for the first dance.
I'd have to gleefully accept the cousin singing two songs in a set either later, after the speeches are over and when people are a little tipsy, or just before the bride and groom are farewelled, or at the brunch, should you have one the next day. Know and influence which two songs they are.

Include the singing cousin on the official list for the MC to announce so that it is not impromptu and you have control of the time slot.

Stand firm. We had a similar situation - we were having a very small wedding and then a party to celebrate in our back garden. One of our elderly neighbours who used to play the banjo and tell jokes at the local social club insisted he was going to provide the entertainment.

We were equally firm that he wasn't. It would have turned into the Ken Smith (not his real name) show, rather than a chilled out garden party. He'd have insisted on people sitting in rows and listening to him. (Plus, he was lacking talent and I'm not a fan of the banjo, even when played well)

It’s your wedding so you get to choose what goes on! Cousin can sing at their own wedding

From experience, if she's that bad, that'll be the one part of your wedding everyone will talk about and remember.

I think you should just do the kind thing, and let her sing.

"I’m not joking but they’re awful. Even reviews on the pubs they sing at say the same."

I'd send the reviews to your aunt. She has done her daughter a great disservice, convincing her she can sing. Had she not, your cousin would have directed her energies in a different direction - maybe as a guitarist, maybe as a songwriter, maybe something completely unconnected to music. Not banging away at singing, where she will never find success.

Aww shucks. Will you not allow them even if they bring their pedistool ?🤣

Absolutely this! Do NOT cave to your aunt's demands!