For not wanting my cousin to sing at my wedding?

[grimreefer]

My partner and I are getting married abroad. We have spent the last four years saving for our wedding of our dreams.

My first cousin lives in abroad and is a musician in pubs. To be blunt while talented at guitar and songwriting - vocally they are awful. Before emigrating they never had any gigs because locally no bar would pay, but mummy and daddy have put them on a pedistool to the extent they think they’re the best thing going and will one day sell out Wembley. Can you see where this is going?

Long story short, I found out my cousin intends to bring their guitar and perform at the wedding. Her mum said it will be great for the family to have a sing song together. The problem is with my cousin it’s never a sing song together but their own private show. My partner and I have already organised our music for our wedding and we never invited my cousin to come and perform.

I messaged my cousin privately to confirm if this was true which it was, but they also asked if I wanted them to write a song for our wedding to perform. My partner and I really don’t enjoy their vocals and collectively agreed (with immediate family input) that we do not want them to perform at our wedding.

We advised my cousin that we have our musicians arranged and scheduled for our wedding and they should enjoy the time off, and that we are thankful for them for offering but we do not want them to bring their guitar to our wedding.

Uproar. Her mum has texted my mum stating I am being selfish and ridiculous, that her child doesn’t often see family and they don’t often get to see her perform so this would’ve been a great opportunity for everyone. Not only am I selfish but apparently I am jealous. My mum told her that as it is my wedding I am entitled to do what I want and that my aunty doesn’t have to go if she doesn’t want to.

AIBU? I’m not joking but they’re awful. Even reviews on the pubs they sing at say the same.

Thank you for this!😂

Whilst I agree that any piss-taking of the cousin at the wedding would be awful, I do find it presumptuous at best, entitled & cheeky at worst that the cousin had just decided she was bringing her guitar and singing.

It does sound like the Aunt is encouraging it but the cousin should have approached OP to offer before deciding it was happening and offering to write a song!

He’s a rose among thorns! 😆

I always say this: planning a wedding really helps one curate their relationships with friends and especially family in our experience as they somehow bring out the very worst in some guests. I would rather another newborn than plan another wedding, cluster feeding and all!

Could you tell them that the venue have their own entertainment (which you're in effect, paying for, as part of the wedding package) and no way are they going to allow some random amateur to just rock up and take over?

A pedistool - it's just smaller than a pedestal, just about 12 inches off the floor at most to raise someone taller than the usual riff-raff, whereas a pedestal could be as high as you want 😆

YANBU! In fact they are being unreasonable for trying to hijack your wedding and use it as a platform to show off 🤦‍♀️ hopefully both Aunt and Cousin will have the hump and not come to the wedding 🤞

I’d be telling her she’s invited, but the guitar isn’t, and she’s not to bring it. If auntie doesn’t like that, tough. Nobody’s forcing either of them to attend.

Stick to your guns OP. You're not being selfish.

"Dear Aunty,

Even if cousin Caterwaul WAS a good singer, we still don't want her to sing at our wedding. Thank you for respecting our wishes."

In writing

I can't imagine anything worse than having a relative playing their guitar at my wedding. I've sat through a few weddings where this has happened and think that the brides were almost always pressured into it.

Like this?

What is is about wedding that makes others think they should be the focus on somebody else's special day ?
A few years back a friend of mine got married and her new MIL and her own dad started off the dancing with a really cringey dance to of all things Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke ! It was a planned thing because & was announced as a surprise for the Bride and Groom so everyone would stop and watch but honestly ...it wasn't good.

Since when is it 'selfish' to turn down something you're not interested in anyway? Obviously Aunt means selfish to deny the opportunity of a captive audience. Someone grabbing a mic at the end of a fun filled party evening is very different from a planned performance.

Good for DM having your back, it needs a line under it. She's addressed it, if it rears its head again I'd be equally firm with
'Bridename and Groomname have planned the kind of celebration of their marriage that they want for the event; it's all finalised. Am sure Singer will be able to showcase her talent another time to her invited audience'

I think it's important to include the Groom in the refusal. It's his wedding too.

Sounds hilarious sorry op.
No you can't let her....
If you let her have her 5 minutes and she's that bad it will be memorable for all the wrong reasons

Don’t do it! Say no. Someone surprised me with a speech at my wedding and it was totally awful and not what I was expecting. It’s your day. Don’t do things to keep others happy

YANU- I think you’ve been polite as you can be in this situation. Even saying for them to have some time off & just enjoy the wedding. If they can’t accept that there’s not much you can do.

your wedding your choice & don’t let aunties etc badger you to change your mind

Tell her she can sing a breakfast the following day at 10.30am.
have your breakfast at 9am and leave or be gone before she starts!