For not wanting my cousin to sing at my wedding?

[grimreefer]

My partner and I are getting married abroad. We have spent the last four years saving for our wedding of our dreams.

My first cousin lives in abroad and is a musician in pubs. To be blunt while talented at guitar and songwriting - vocally they are awful. Before emigrating they never had any gigs because locally no bar would pay, but mummy and daddy have put them on a pedistool to the extent they think they’re the best thing going and will one day sell out Wembley. Can you see where this is going?

Long story short, I found out my cousin intends to bring their guitar and perform at the wedding. Her mum said it will be great for the family to have a sing song together. The problem is with my cousin it’s never a sing song together but their own private show. My partner and I have already organised our music for our wedding and we never invited my cousin to come and perform.

I messaged my cousin privately to confirm if this was true which it was, but they also asked if I wanted them to write a song for our wedding to perform. My partner and I really don’t enjoy their vocals and collectively agreed (with immediate family input) that we do not want them to perform at our wedding.

We advised my cousin that we have our musicians arranged and scheduled for our wedding and they should enjoy the time off, and that we are thankful for them for offering but we do not want them to bring their guitar to our wedding.

Uproar. Her mum has texted my mum stating I am being selfish and ridiculous, that her child doesn’t often see family and they don’t often get to see her perform so this would’ve been a great opportunity for everyone. Not only am I selfish but apparently I am jealous. My mum told her that as it is my wedding I am entitled to do what I want and that my aunty doesn’t have to go if she doesn’t want to.

AIBU? I’m not joking but they’re awful. Even reviews on the pubs they sing at say the same.

What a cheek.

This isn't a thoughtful gesture on the cousin's behalf. It is an opportunity for a captive audience.

It is so not for your benefit that your aunt accused you of being "selfish" rather than "ungrateful".

When my family travel far for a wedding we tend to get together either the night before or morning after for a meal. (Bride and groom not always there).
This would seem a better opportunity for your cousin to sing?

YANBU. Even if your cousin was amazing, you and your DF can choose who you want to perform at the wedding.

Hold firm. Be prepared for griping about how rubbish your band are by your aunty -be prepared to be smile and say "we liked it!" Have someone on the day whose job it is to watch your cousin and intercept if they try to take the stage. Tell the band you don't want be anyone "joining" them on stage.

It's time someone said to them all, "let's be honest, singing isn't her forte".

Ah yes, but cringe for her, not @grimreefer and her husband.

You aren’t being unreasonable, it’s your wedding so it doesn’t matter what she wants to do, it isn’t about her (or your aunt!).

On the other hand, if it’s going to cause a load of agro I’d probably let her get on with it for 10 minutes- having pre warned my nearest and dearest that she is going to do it, it will be terrible, but in the end I usually find that sort of carry on quite funny and it would give me something to look back and chuckle about for years to come.

Just sat bo. It's not the kind of musical vibe youre after. Youve already planned the music. Just want then to cone and anjoy

Stand firm!

Good god, what a way to ruin the vibe. Sounds like no matter what you say she will be bringing the guitar - maybe you can urge her wait until after it's finished and perform to family who are interested, after / the next morning.

Give them a short slot as a 'highlight', in the musical entertainment. It's meant to be family and fun, if they're not very good so what, just don't let them go on too long!

Not selfish of you at all. Stuck with a firm no thank you.

At Irish weddings there's usually a singsong after the band and DJ are finished, will that be the case at yours? That wouldn't be so bad.

If you don't let her sing they'll be a fall out, if you do there's no way your cousin will do one song and sit down. Usually I'd say be honest and tell your Aunt you don't enjoy her DD's singing but just before your wedding isn't the time for that much honesty.

Ahh you've just reminded me of a wedding we went to a few years ago where something similar happened. The brother of the groom crooning out ballads like an Aldi Michael Buble really brought the vibe down and was cringe for all involved. Stay firm!

Your mum has your back. Let her handle it.

Stand firm, nobody has a right to use someone else’s wedding as their own personal stage - even if she was good!

Absolutely not! Why should OP compromise on HER day. This is totally ridiculous

It's not tricky at all,she's been told 'no' and she's under no obligation to attend the wedding if she doesn't like it.

In family conflicts like this, I've always found that I end up being wrong no matter what I do, so now I do what I want. I'm still wrong, but at least I got what I wanted out of it.

It's your wedding OP, stand firm, be prepared to cover some of the opportunities for intrusion as others have suggested.

If all else fails, put her on one minute before coaches to clear the room.

It is YOUR wedding!!!x

This is your wedding not an open mic night. You didn’t ask for a song, you didn’t ask for her to bring her guitar, she just assumed. Hold firm and say “thank you but we have entertainment sorted.” If she doesn’t like it, uninvite her!

YABU for getting married abroad.
Especially near to Cousin Songbird.
Joking - just stay firm, say no and tune it all out.

Say tough its organised and to the aunt if she's going to be so nasty she can stay away

Pedistool?!

My friend had a rubbish singer that the venue had found for the wedding. Her mum took charge and asked the wedding planner to pull her off stage! It totally killed the vibe. The singer was murdering sad songs too, not even nice, love ones.

Stand firm. It's YOUR wedding, not your auntie's, not your cousin's, YOURS.

I’d politely reply to your aunt explaining that it’s yours and dps wedding, not your cousins day to perform. Suggest that if the cousin is so keen to perform for the family then she can arrange something herself whilst the family is abroad.
I would definitely stand your ground with this! Do you have a wedding coordinator or someone who’s running the day that you could explain this to and they can make sure she doesn’t sneakily still try to sing?

Awww bless her! Could youlet her do just the one for the comedy value?!
It would give you something to laugh about in years to come but possibly kill the vibe!