For not wanting my cousin to sing at my wedding?

[grimreefer]

My partner and I are getting married abroad. We have spent the last four years saving for our wedding of our dreams.

My first cousin lives in abroad and is a musician in pubs. To be blunt while talented at guitar and songwriting - vocally they are awful. Before emigrating they never had any gigs because locally no bar would pay, but mummy and daddy have put them on a pedistool to the extent they think they’re the best thing going and will one day sell out Wembley. Can you see where this is going?

Long story short, I found out my cousin intends to bring their guitar and perform at the wedding. Her mum said it will be great for the family to have a sing song together. The problem is with my cousin it’s never a sing song together but their own private show. My partner and I have already organised our music for our wedding and we never invited my cousin to come and perform.

I messaged my cousin privately to confirm if this was true which it was, but they also asked if I wanted them to write a song for our wedding to perform. My partner and I really don’t enjoy their vocals and collectively agreed (with immediate family input) that we do not want them to perform at our wedding.

We advised my cousin that we have our musicians arranged and scheduled for our wedding and they should enjoy the time off, and that we are thankful for them for offering but we do not want them to bring their guitar to our wedding.

Uproar. Her mum has texted my mum stating I am being selfish and ridiculous, that her child doesn’t often see family and they don’t often get to see her perform so this would’ve been a great opportunity for everyone. Not only am I selfish but apparently I am jealous. My mum told her that as it is my wedding I am entitled to do what I want and that my aunty doesn’t have to go if she doesn’t want to.

AIBU? I’m not joking but they’re awful. Even reviews on the pubs they sing at say the same.

😂

Just cancel the band and have a full family showcase- grandad on the spoons, neice on the recorder.

Maybe tell her you have some mates coming who are brutal and you don't want her to have to cope with the 'booing' they'll inevitably give her 😂😂

My BIL is a talented, ex professional singer. Watching him sing to his bride, as she sat on a chair on a stage looking, frankly, awkward was one of the most uncomfortable things I’ve sat through.
Don’t let them do it! 😁
We just had a guitarist playing throughout at our small reception, reasonably quietly as background. That was really nice.

Uncle Billy on the harmonica and a lap dance or two from cousin Demi.

'You know I can't smile without you ...'

Do you have a wedding planner at the venue or in good communications with the venue? If so could you start a conversation about it possibly being against their policy to have non contracted and agreed performances *nudge nudge wink wink and feed that back to them then its out of your hands. Or agree to a private performance just you and dp on the eve of the wedding as that'd be so intimate and personal then she could write a song especially for you 2 (then stuff your ears with cotton wool and knock back a couple of drinks before hand).
It'd be a hard no from me but I reckon she'll just take it upon herself regardless.

Oh good, you made thaway a thing

I think your mum's said everything that needs to be said ie. No. Your wedding, your choice and they can choose or choose not to attend.
I would have someone keep an eye on them though, in case they pulled out their guitar!!!

Stick a pair of wire cutters in your handbag on the day just incase
and cut her gutair strings!!!

They think your wedding is porta-captive-audience! Why they wanna put stars in her eyes…

At my cousin’s wedding they had some bloke belt out a song from “the stage” (won’t say which one just in case they’re here) but oh my god it was agony trying not to laugh. It wasn’t bad, just full on and awkward as heck. All I remember from that wedding was that song moment.

Hold firm OP. People will want to laugh if she’s bad, not good for anyone.

If she did push herself onto the stage and perform the people laughed it wouldn’t be the worst outcome - natural consequences and all that 😂😂

If she wants to put on a gig separately for the family while she's in the country she is free to do that, why should it be your wedding. Good for you for putting your foot down

I remember at my brother's third (yes third) wedding. My two nieces got up (presumably at my brother's blessing) and proceeded to shout (sing?) at us all. Was lovely when it finished...

Tell her to sing at her own wedding not yours

I assume you are both adults, so why is she asking her mum to intervene and tell off your mum? How ridiculous. You've done the right thing. If you need to soften the blow just say it isn't the type of music you have chosen for your wedding.

Deep breath.
Give me time
To realise my crime...

Id just tell them they can perform to be honest. Tell them they have a slot at 9pm when the band has a break. Let them come and bring their guitar. Point them out to a suitably drunk and suggestible mate (I am usually the perfect friend for this) get the mate to lock them in the loo for the duration. Cross your fingers drunk mate remembers to free them at some point. I probably wouldn’t.

Aldi Michael Buble 😂😂😂

There are just too many of them offering their kind desperate services.

😹lol

Not their wedding, not their decision. I bloody hate other family members dictating that people should and shouldn't do at the weddings of others. My in-laws ended up not coming to our wedding ( their choice) because we wouldn't invite their siblings that we hadn't spoken to for donkeys years.

I think you mum has said all that needs to be said. It is your wedding. And you get to decide what happens, and you don’t want her singing. End of.
If your aunt is persistent, maybe your mum can calmly/nicely/tactfully advise that not everyone enjoys that type of performance, and that you and husband to be have already told your cousin she will not be permitted to sing.

If you have a wedding planner I would have a word now, to make sure any attempt to sneak in, get on stage etc are firmly put down… you don’t want to have to deal with that it would spoil your day.

If I was your mum, I would also be pointing out to your aunt, her sister? That she needs to stop this nonsense as it feels like she is trying to ruin your wedding and no one would be that spiteful.

Of course your mum could just say that her singing is bloody awful and no one wants to listen to that at a wedding but that’s not very tactful…

Your wedding, your choices. Stand firm. (It does sound hilarious though, sorry op).

Team mum! Not up to your aunty to decide.

She is not bringing her guitar. If she brings it she will be told it has to go in the cloakroom. Stick to your guns. If she wants to sing she can sing along to the band/ DJ (you can't really stop her doing that) But no way should she perform against your wishes.