For not wanting my cousin to sing at my wedding?

[grimreefer]

My partner and I are getting married abroad. We have spent the last four years saving for our wedding of our dreams.

My first cousin lives in abroad and is a musician in pubs. To be blunt while talented at guitar and songwriting - vocally they are awful. Before emigrating they never had any gigs because locally no bar would pay, but mummy and daddy have put them on a pedistool to the extent they think they’re the best thing going and will one day sell out Wembley. Can you see where this is going?

Long story short, I found out my cousin intends to bring their guitar and perform at the wedding. Her mum said it will be great for the family to have a sing song together. The problem is with my cousin it’s never a sing song together but their own private show. My partner and I have already organised our music for our wedding and we never invited my cousin to come and perform.

I messaged my cousin privately to confirm if this was true which it was, but they also asked if I wanted them to write a song for our wedding to perform. My partner and I really don’t enjoy their vocals and collectively agreed (with immediate family input) that we do not want them to perform at our wedding.

We advised my cousin that we have our musicians arranged and scheduled for our wedding and they should enjoy the time off, and that we are thankful for them for offering but we do not want them to bring their guitar to our wedding.

Uproar. Her mum has texted my mum stating I am being selfish and ridiculous, that her child doesn’t often see family and they don’t often get to see her perform so this would’ve been a great opportunity for everyone. Not only am I selfish but apparently I am jealous. My mum told her that as it is my wedding I am entitled to do what I want and that my aunty doesn’t have to go if she doesn’t want to.

AIBU? I’m not joking but they’re awful. Even reviews on the pubs they sing at say the same.

Why would it be "cringe" if she was really good? I went to a wedding last year at which the bride's 17 year old daughter - who has a quite amazing voice - sang 2 songs. Everyone was disappointed she didn't do more!

I am on team bride here, however - it's her and the groom's choice and nobody else's.

Or, in some instances, when they are meant to. My BiL did nothing but take the piss out of the silly, pretentious readings at his sister's wedding. He then gave a speech at his own wedding in which he prattled on for over 50 minutes, boring all the guests to tears.

Not to be outdone, their DF then had a pop at MiL, from whom he was long divorced, by giving an imbittered, cantakerous speech all about the lack of longevity in today's marriages. FiL thought he'd been really clever: everyone else thought he'd behaved like a dick.

MiL spent most of the evening celebration drunk and in tears, wailing on about how she'd failed as a mother. Muggins here took one for the team on that occasion: to spare DH having to listen to her angst, I got it in full flood and was exhausted by the time I finally escaped to bed.

When we eloped (for quite other reasons, but it did conveniently prevent the oddball in-laws finding, yet again, some way of bringing a downer on a happy event), they were the only people who took gratuitous offence. I found this quite entertaining given their family weddings dripped with bathos and were like something out of the League of Gentlemen.

How poor DH turned out to be such a normal, lovely human being is quite beyond me!

This is so absurd it's funny (although probably not for you OP!)

In your place I would just avoid getting drawn into any debate about it. You've given your answer and that's enough.

Your aunt and cousin are so cringe I eel second hand embarrassment just reading this. This is your day. Stay firm.

@SerafinasGoose

'You have delighted us long enough. Let the other young ladies have time to exhibit!'

I've always loved this line. 🌹

Believe me, I quote from bitter past experience ...

If I can possibly refuse a wedding invitation, I will. 😂

With the response of your aunt to your mum when you’d tried going the polite route, I’d just disinvite the two of them. But that may not be the best advice. I can’t imagine the same situation arising in my own family, so I’m guessing that might cause waves of drama in yours.

Do not give her the names of the band /DJ / wedding planner / venue contact etc etc.

Warn all of them that there are NO unscheduled performances to be allowed at the gig you're paying them for.

Make sure any bridesmaids / groomsmen have your back and can head Violet Elizabeth Bott and her Mummy off, even if she does threaten to thcream and thream til she's sick...

'Heaven knows I'm Miserable Now?'

Say yes, but tell her the wrong venue.

Absolutely not if you don't want her to! Tell her she can meet up with family the following day and entertain them all then!

Yes!

Going to be an issue getting that on a flight…

I think your mum nailed it already.
Be thankful she has your back.
Enjoy your day.

@SerafinasGoose - I had Mary Bennet vibes too.

Excellent username, Serafina Pekkala is such a great character.

Say she can only do it if it's bagpipes

Absolutely agree. I’m also a decent musician but don’t have a wedding repertoire so it would be inappropriate for me to try.

It’s the bride and grooms choice

END OF!

Genuinely can’t see how anyone could argue with this?!

😂😂😂 This comment floored me! 😆

@grimreefer YANBU at all. Of course you don't want some Chrissie Hynde wannabe at your wedding who thinks she is just some undiscovered prodigy. It's so awkward and embarrassing when a parent thinks their precious offspring is super talented. (IME it is usually the mother!)

I have known a few people in the past push and push their child(ren) in various sports and the music industry etc. Ice hockey, tennis, singing, acting. All think their kids are amazing and gifted. But they are all decidedly average, and it's embarrassing how they (and often their mother) think they are some kind of one in a million prodigy.

You're gonna have to bite the bullet and be brutal, and say 'listen auntie, we don't want Tracey there doing her singing, because she is shit! As for me being jealous, how can I be jealous of a below average wannabe who wouldn't make the cut in X factor?!' Your aunt is being an arsehole, so you be one too.

.

I'd be tempted to tell everyone quietly that she's a comedien and will be delighted if they all hold their ears, pull faces and caterwaul back.

Hahahaha now I can't get the song out of my head.

I need to hear how bad she is 😆

If you're getting married abroad I'm guessing you'll be there a few days at least? So tell your family they can all get together somewhere one day and your cousin can "sing" then. But no it wont be at your wedding.

I'm not all that comfortable with the 'laugh and point' tone of some of these posts. The suggestions on how to humiliate the cousin.
It's the aunt who has escalated this, not the cousin. It's the aunt who needs put back in her box.
I'd get no pleasure in tearing the cousin apart over this. Some of you are spiteful.

It’s your day and of course you should have what you want, but I always think the charming parts of weddings, and the bits you remember are when things are not quite perfect. The funny bits like an aunt drinking one too many and throwing ridiculous shapes on the dance floor, the flower girl who forgets what they’re doing etc. I hope you have a wonderful day, enjoy it.

Repeat the message - we love you and so look forward to sharing our special day with us. And as our guest, we dont want you to do anything but sit back and enjoy the day.

Alternatively/as well, is there a rehearsal dinner they can have half an hour at? Otherwise you may have to stick to the we want you as a guest and there is no time in the schedule.