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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not wanting my cousin to sing at my wedding?

267 replies

grimreefer · 24/02/2024 07:40

My partner and I are getting married abroad. We have spent the last four years saving for our wedding of our dreams.

My first cousin lives in abroad and is a musician in pubs. To be blunt while talented at guitar and songwriting - vocally they are awful. Before emigrating they never had any gigs because locally no bar would pay, but mummy and daddy have put them on a pedistool to the extent they think they’re the best thing going and will one day sell out Wembley. Can you see where this is going?

Long story short, I found out my cousin intends to bring their guitar and perform at the wedding. Her mum said it will be great for the family to have a sing song together. The problem is with my cousin it’s never a sing song together but their own private show. My partner and I have already organised our music for our wedding and we never invited my cousin to come and perform.

I messaged my cousin privately to confirm if this was true which it was, but they also asked if I wanted them to write a song for our wedding to perform. My partner and I really don’t enjoy their vocals and collectively agreed (with immediate family input) that we do not want them to perform at our wedding.

We advised my cousin that we have our musicians arranged and scheduled for our wedding and they should enjoy the time off, and that we are thankful for them for offering but we do not want them to bring their guitar to our wedding.

Uproar. Her mum has texted my mum stating I am being selfish and ridiculous, that her child doesn’t often see family and they don’t often get to see her perform so this would’ve been a great opportunity for everyone. Not only am I selfish but apparently I am jealous. My mum told her that as it is my wedding I am entitled to do what I want and that my aunty doesn’t have to go if she doesn’t want to.

AIBU? I’m not joking but they’re awful. Even reviews on the pubs they sing at say the same.

OP posts:
Priminister · 24/02/2024 07:41

Does she sing ‘Smelly Cat’?

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 24/02/2024 07:43

'You know I can't smile without you
I can't laugh I can't sing' gives me total 4 weddings vibe!

Outthedoor24 · 24/02/2024 07:44

Tricky one, your band will have a break at some point in the evening. Maybe let her sing for one or two songs in that 15min slot.

Velvian · 24/02/2024 07:44

I don't blame you at all. I think even if she was really good, it would still be absolutely cringeful.

tomago · 24/02/2024 07:45

Hold firm.

Lorelaigilmore88 · 24/02/2024 07:45

Sorry op but that sounds hilarious.

Yanbu. Its your wedding, she's trying to use it as an opportunity to be the centre of attention and presumably have loads of people tell her she's wonderful 🙄. Glad to hear you are being firm! Don't back down, if they take the huff well meh thats up to them, they don't have to come.

3luckystars · 24/02/2024 07:45

Just say the wedding is taken care of, sorry if it caused offence but she cannot perform at wedding.

but then book her for the NEXT DAY party. Then that is a very different situation then, you have many options as to what to do.

NancyJoan · 24/02/2024 07:46

You have done nothing wrong, and thankfully your mum has got your back. Hold firm, they may not come, but that’s their lookout.

PurpleFlower1983 · 24/02/2024 07:46

YANBU! She doesn’t have to come! If she rocks up with a guitar make sure there is someone on hand to hide it for the day!

Lorelaigilmore88 · 24/02/2024 07:46

Outthedoor24 · 24/02/2024 07:44

Tricky one, your band will have a break at some point in the evening. Maybe let her sing for one or two songs in that 15min slot.

Dont do this, if she's as crap as op says it will be cringe.

Alphavilla · 24/02/2024 07:47

Tell auntie it’s a wedding not the X factor. It’s your day not cousins. If she still kicks off say she can sing at your wedding, provided you can sing at cousin’s wedding. 😂

ohdamnitjanet · 24/02/2024 07:48

Priminister · 24/02/2024 07:41

Does she sing ‘Smelly Cat’?

You beat me to it 😆

RatatouillePie · 24/02/2024 07:48

I can't say I'll ever understand the dream wedding thing (I would far rather spend the money on something else!) but if you're paying an extortionate amount on this wedding then it needs to be as you want it.

No means no, so your cousin needs to accept this. If she wants to write you a wedding song that's fine, but not performing it at the wedding. She can send you a video of her performing.

KoalaBar · 24/02/2024 07:50

When the band has a break it’s a chance for the guests to talk to each other.

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 24/02/2024 07:50

Just before she gets up to perform put an announcement out that you’ve hired a comedy act to sing a song 😂That’s if she is really that bad.

TheSuggestedAmendment · 24/02/2024 07:51

Just don’t reply or say anything. This is literally calling for a ‘mute button’.

Let your mum deal with it (sounds like she has). If you say anything more you might come off as rude. You aren’t rude - you are absolutely fine and right to not have her, but you don’t want to say more than you’ve said. It will all be old news by the big day.

DysmalRadius · 24/02/2024 07:52

RatatouillePie · 24/02/2024 07:48

I can't say I'll ever understand the dream wedding thing (I would far rather spend the money on something else!) but if you're paying an extortionate amount on this wedding then it needs to be as you want it.

No means no, so your cousin needs to accept this. If she wants to write you a wedding song that's fine, but not performing it at the wedding. She can send you a video of her performing.

Tbh, even if you're having sandwiches in a church hall you can veto a shit singer turning up to play uninvited!

Arewethebadguys · 24/02/2024 07:54

Outthedoor24 · 24/02/2024 07:44

Tricky one, your band will have a break at some point in the evening. Maybe let her sing for one or two songs in that 15min slot.

Why? Why should OP let her just because she wants to? I'd like a wedding abroad this year - I'll just invite myself to OP's wedding and she'll have to accommodate my request because apparently that's what she has to do! FFS

Hard no OP. Stand firm. And congrats 🎉

susiedaisy1912 · 24/02/2024 07:54

Don't let them change your mind op. Stay strong. This is your wedding. Don't engage in the petty arguments as all there are trying to accomplish is for you to give in. Don't give in.

Mummadeze · 24/02/2024 07:55

I can’t believe she thinks it’s fine to try and dictate your music choice for your wedding. Very weird and rude. Definitely don’t give in!

susiedaisy1912 · 24/02/2024 07:55

KoalaBar · 24/02/2024 07:50

When the band has a break it’s a chance for the guests to talk to each other.

Exactly

isthesolution · 24/02/2024 07:55

You've done the right thing.

You've politely told her thank you but no thank you. Honestly I wouldn't engage further on the matter. If they continue to bring it up I'd just say 'we are really grateful for the offer but have decided to decline and sorted your own musicians. Hopefully (cousin) can enjoy a day off and spend time with family at the wedding. Thanks again for offering but we have lots of things to sort and really don't want to cause any upset by discussing this further' Then IGNORE further messages about this or, worst case, resend the message if they keep hassling. You don't have to justify why or anything else.

Let them get on with it. It isn't cousins show. She can invite them to see her play another day - presumably your family aren't only in the country for the wedding day. The wedding is about you and what you want.

Blarn · 24/02/2024 07:56

but then book her for the NEXT DAY party. Then that is a very different situation then, you have many options as to what to do.

Surely even weddings over more than one day still have everything planned for though? Day two isn't an open mic free for all!

3luckystars · 24/02/2024 07:57

Yes but just get her to not perform at the wedding first, then deal with the next day situation.

Coconutter24 · 24/02/2024 08:03

Outthedoor24 · 24/02/2024 07:44

Tricky one, your band will have a break at some point in the evening. Maybe let her sing for one or two songs in that 15min slot.

Why? She doesn’t like the sound of her cousins voice, she doesn’t want her to sing and it’s OPs wedding so she gets to decide on entertainment

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