For not wanting my cousin to sing at my wedding?

[grimreefer]

My partner and I are getting married abroad. We have spent the last four years saving for our wedding of our dreams.

My first cousin lives in abroad and is a musician in pubs. To be blunt while talented at guitar and songwriting - vocally they are awful. Before emigrating they never had any gigs because locally no bar would pay, but mummy and daddy have put them on a pedistool to the extent they think they’re the best thing going and will one day sell out Wembley. Can you see where this is going?

Long story short, I found out my cousin intends to bring their guitar and perform at the wedding. Her mum said it will be great for the family to have a sing song together. The problem is with my cousin it’s never a sing song together but their own private show. My partner and I have already organised our music for our wedding and we never invited my cousin to come and perform.

I messaged my cousin privately to confirm if this was true which it was, but they also asked if I wanted them to write a song for our wedding to perform. My partner and I really don’t enjoy their vocals and collectively agreed (with immediate family input) that we do not want them to perform at our wedding.

We advised my cousin that we have our musicians arranged and scheduled for our wedding and they should enjoy the time off, and that we are thankful for them for offering but we do not want them to bring their guitar to our wedding.

Uproar. Her mum has texted my mum stating I am being selfish and ridiculous, that her child doesn’t often see family and they don’t often get to see her perform so this would’ve been a great opportunity for everyone. Not only am I selfish but apparently I am jealous. My mum told her that as it is my wedding I am entitled to do what I want and that my aunty doesn’t have to go if she doesn’t want to.

AIBU? I’m not joking but they’re awful. Even reviews on the pubs they sing at say the same.

You need to hire someone that will rugby tackle her if she goes near her guitar.

Her mum has texted my mum stating I am being selfish and ridiculous, that her child doesn’t often see family and they don’t often get to see her perform so this would’ve been a great opportunity for everyone.

Blimey, it’s your wedding, not a jamming session. I would get in contact with aunt reiterating that there would be no cousin singing/playing at the wedding and that they shouldn’t come if they’re unhappy about it. Warn the venue as well so they don’t let her in with her guitar!

Does the cousin live in the same country as the wedding?

Yes this is better actually.

She’s being selfish. This is your wedding, not an opportunity for her to show off to family. If people are travelling out for the wedding, she could organise a night at the pub during the week where she could sing.

Noooo, just no. Why on earth would anyone in their right mind agree to it, it’s wrong on so many levels.

No means no. Decision has been made. No need for any more discussion about it. Ignore any further drama or attempts to engage you in discussion. They'll get over it. She'll have bigger disappointments to cope with on her road to musical oblivion.

You’ve said your piece, encourage your mother to say no more to her sister and see what happens next. They’ll either not come, come with a guitar or come with a face like a slapped arse all evening. Report back!

YANBU. It's your wedding, you get to choose the entertainment. Your cousin and her mum are bring v rude to try and insert her into the arrangements regardless of how 'talented' she is.

Don't do this- you might not be able to get her off the stage at the end of the break!

In all honesty, I'd make a feature of it. Could be hilarious fun! Let them have their 15 minutes of fame, and make sure it doesn't overrun.

Stand your ground and be firm. Blunt, if necessary. Best case scenario: Talentless cousin & ghastly mum get offended, boycott the wedding & fall out with you. Then you never have to listen to either of their crap ever again.

Result! 🥳

Why is it tricky? OP is allowed to say no. Just because someone think they can sing, it doesn't mean everyone else should have to hear it.

Just tell your aunt that she has already had her answer from your mother, that you are sticking by that and won't be changing your mind.

Then engage no further. It's your wedding and you are the ones blowing all of that money on it.

Yanbu, but it wouldn't matter if you were because it's YOUR wedding, not theirs.

Stand firm, but be prepared for them to bring their guitar anyway.

Oh no. What a situation. You are perfectly reasonable to say 'no thanks'. Your aunt is being single-minded and domineering and if this creates a fracture in family relations, it will be her fault.

Her mum has texted my mum stating I am being selfish and ridiculous, that her child doesn’t often see family and they don’t often get to see her perform so this would’ve been a great opportunity for everyone.

One of the very tricky things about life is that issues don't always culminate in a neat conclusion where everyone moves on. Your aunt is viewing your wedding as her daughter's audience. Her head's up her backside. Nothing you can do.

It sounds as though your aunt is the jealous one - wanting to place her daughter centre stage of what should be your big day. Then making a big deal when you refuse. As others have said on here stand absolutely firm. Do not give in. What a bladdy cheek!

Sometimes it's easier to keep the family peace especially if she's actually going to write a song for the Op. Hence me thinking a 15min window.
While she might not be world class she must be good enough to get gigs even in holiday resorts, or she'd empty the pubs.

I can totally see why it's hard for gigging musicians to make a full-time career in the UK. Lots of pubs and clubs have closed since the 90s and even then they'd only really make money on weekend nights

Does she perform in a holiday resort beginning with L? I think I know her 🤣🤣 throw her in the sea

You’ve said you don’t want her singing at your wedding so why do posters keep saying ‘Let her for perform for 15 minutes’ or the next day or the night before, or whatever? You don’t like this woman’s music or singing and don't want it and you shouldn’t have to have something you actively dislike at your own wedding. If your aunt told you to wear a big brown flowery dress would you? Of course you wouldn’t - not even the night before or the next day, so why should you have your aunt’s choice of music?

You have said no and you will have to keep saying it. That is your boundary. You don’t need explanations. Just keep saying no.

Totally this. I’m so amazed at the cheek of your cousin/aunt trying to organise your wedding! Are they paying?! Presumably not, I’d be quite brutal about them trying to impose their wishes on your wedding day, it’s incredibly rude of them.

Ha, that is ridiculous. Let them get on with their total overreaction and don't engage. They are stamping their feet to try and get their own way and have lost sight of the fact that it doesn't matter what they think....it's not their wedding. People like your aunt count on the fact that decent people will feel upset by their overreaction and assume they're in the wrong and back down. You are not in the wrong op!!!

If you and your dp don't want to have your cousin sing at your wedding then don't have her, your wedding day is about the two of you getting married, not a chance for your cousin to showcase their work. Totally ok for you to stand your ground

Has the cousin accepted the no Op?

Tempted to not invite the Aunt due to her being so nasty.

Keep the peace my arse-who needs that in their lives?

Haha! Beat me to it. My first question was going to be "Is her name Phoebe?"

Tell them another family member wants to recite spoken word poetry and you have to say no to that too