To think she shouldn't put him in tights?

[TotoroElla]

Just trying to understand and find a way forward.

A family member's little boy is in foster care currently. He is 4 yo. The FC keeps putting him in tights. His mum is getting upset with it and doesn't understand why she keeps doing it. She has asked for her to stop and the SW has asked her to stop too. Mum doesn't feel it is very dignified for him to be at nursery wearing what is culturally a girls' clothes item. He was getting so hot in them the other day as of course he has trousers over them.

Can anyone shed any light as to why she is doing this or what his mum can do about it?

Probably the idea is to keep him warm in winter. How do they know he’s getting hot?

Lots of kids wear them as base layers, my teen son is very outdoorsy and wears his sister's leggings as base layers when his longies are in the wash. I think its strange to focus on the fact that they are "for girls" before the fact that he was too warm.

Sportsmen wear things very like tights...

Maybe he keeps kicking socks off and it's to try and stop him getting cold feet?

Because he was with us. It's 10c not freezing. Ok if a girl was wearing them with a dress but it's too warm to put them under trousers.

No different really from men wearing long johns when it's chilly. I'd be freezing in 10 degrees.

I put my 9mo in tights under his trousers or baby grow unless he's going to bed. If 4yo doesn't like them then fair enough don't wear them but if he doesn't like socks or is cold then tights can keep him warmer. If they are dark colours then you wouldnt necessarily think girls clothes

Presumably if he’s 4 and doesn’t like the tights / feels too hot in them he’d just take them off?

I don’t know anyone who could get tights on a protesting 4 year old in the first place! So if he’s happy with them, and they aren’t completely inappropriate, then what’s the problem?

Wearing them for outdoor activities is a different situation to a toddler just wearing them when inside. I said that because his mum was upset about kids at nursery making fun of him as tights are usually put on girls. The SW also said it wasn't dignified for him to be put in items of clothing usually put on girls. I then went on to say how hot he was as to make it clear it wasn't that it was freezing so she'd put them on him for warmth (especially as he would be in a warm house wearing them no matter the weather).

No he keeps his socks on fine. Of course when he was younger he pulled them off but not now.

But it's not chilly! You'd be freezing travelling from one house to another when the temperature is 10c - way above freezing! Then being in a warm house, you'd need long Johns?! I understand sportsmen being outside wearing them in cold weather. But this is a toddler inside!

Kids aged 4 at nursery don't tend to notice what other kids are wearing and make fun of them, at school girls might wear vest/shirt/tunic/jumper and they are inside all of the time and don't get too hot. Why is he in foster care?

I can’t see any reason for this at all. Has the child said he’s cold? My DS refuses to wear a jumper or coat if he doesn’t need it “I’ll be too hot mummy” and he’s not yet 3.

How do the kids at nursery know if they are under trousers

It must be because she thinks he's cold. No other reason for it. She's not putting them on him for a laugh is she.

I've often put tights on boys when it's been cold. It's completely normal.

Him being in foster care is irrelevant. If the child is uncomfortable and doesn’t want to wear them ,then he shouldn’t be forced to wear them.

Nursery staff are trained to deal with making sure kids are appropriately dressed for the temperature anyway. How does mum know he was too hot at nursery anyway if he's in foster care?

So you mean like school wooly tights or leggings?

I don't agree that it's undignified to put a toddler in tights. Keeps them warm. I would imagine that your relative is focusing on this because she would rather the kid wasn't in foster care and would do better to use that energy concentrating on doing whatever it is she needs to to have him live with her again. I'm sure it's hard for her.

My grandsons wore tights with characters on their bum. They looked cute. Lots of baby boys wear tights. Also my teen wears leggings which are surely similar to tights. You are getting too hung up about girls clothes and boys clothes.

Honestly, at 9 months, it's a bit different. The other babies at nursery aren't really going to say anything are they? 😂 Is your house cold - is that why you put them on? He's fine with socks and is not cold. I'd not put them on a girl under trousers - it's too warm for that. He had bright red ones on. Not sure if that makes them more girly or not really. I put my DD in a mix of colours. It's not that there's anything wrong per second putting tights on a boy. And I have known some to put them on boy babies in very cold weather. But mum has asked her not to and so has the SW.

Weird answers. Tights under trousers uncomfortable and almost always unnecessary in this country except maybe during rare cold snaps. Certainly not appropriate at the moment. YANBU. Will SW make this clear to FC?

Are there toileting issues?

www.etsy.com/uk/listing/1152872824/3-x-baby-toddler-kid-boy-girl-cotton?gpla=1&gao=1&&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_uk_en_gb_e-clothing-girls_clothing-socks_and_leg_warmers&utm_custom1=k_Cj0KCQiAoeGuBhCBARIsAGfKY7ysuLdPzfsyq_Sdy7JR-LuMbprK_SPPFZw7VGlZDmUDcojnRTfbrkgaAk9iEALw_wcB_k&utm_content=go_326239488_20236733328_88513057728_pla-106553955875_m__1152872824engb_102858184&utm_custom2=326239488&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAoeGuBhCBARIsAGfKY7ysuLdPzfsyq_Sdy7JR-LuMbprK_SPPFZw7VGlZDmUDcojnRTfbrkgaAk9iEALw_wcB

Very cute.

That is odd. Mine has thermal leggings but that's for rugby and they don't have feet attached.

I don't think it's on when the foster carer has been asked to stop by the SW.

He has SEN so not able to fully protest or take them off. He is clearly uncomfortable and hot so mum has to take them off. The SW says it isn't respecting his dignity either - I think being that he can't express that he doesn't like them himself. Also surely if his mum has asked you not to put tights on him you would respect that? She sees him hot and uncomfortable in them and it is hard enough not having him living with her at the moment and then to have the FC not listening about this.