Subtle way to tell family members not to bring dog to my home around newborn

[Camcam]

Hi all,
DGM and DGF have a boisterous lapdog which yaps, jumps up on furniture and tries to chew toys. They take it on daily walks close by a farm so it usually has muddy paws and long hair.

I previously was living with DF (paying board) who is a dog lover so couldn’t make any comment when they used to bring the dog around almost daily. Now I have my own place and feel very irritated when they bring the dog around. I have to go around sterilising ds toys afterwards and cleaning the floors/furniture as it leaves so much hair around. I’ve made some not so subtle hints for them to leave the dog at home but they say she can’t be left alone as she gets anxious.

I’m due in a few weeks and having a c section (single parent) so absolutely do not want the dog. DGM and DGF are wonderful and come over often and will be wanting to visit the new baby. Does anyone have advice on how to tell them the dog isn’t allowed in without miffing them? 😫
Thanks in advance!

You don’t need to tiptoe around this. Before the first meeting I’d arranged you say loud and clearly that you would like them to not bring the dog with them as you don’t want it around your new born.

Why do you need to be subtle. Anyone with half a brain would know you don't do this. You're a single parent, having a major op and the last thing you need is cleaning up let alone caring for a new baby on top. Just tell them exactly what you want. I don't allow dogs or any pets in my home and it suits me fine if you don't want to come then.

Of course entirely up to you and not unreasonable with a newborn. However, just to reassure you, it's often protective for young children to be around dogs (suitably supervised of course) health wise, and you need not run around sterilizing toys etc. I think it's because the dog brings more microbial gut diversity. It's one of the factors that make a person less likely to get various autoimmune conditions and food allergies.

https://utswmed.org/medblog/pets-babies-allergies-asthma/

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/growing-up-with-a-dog-might-protect-against-crohns-disease

100% up to you if you don't want the dog in your house.

However, if the dog is anxious and can't be left alone, and isn't allowed in your house, then don't expect your grandparents to visit or provide childcare in your home. Their primary responsibly is to their pet, and they will rightly be declining invitations which would lead to their pet being distressed. Meet ups with them will have to be at their house, a mutual family member's house where the dog is welcomed, or in dog friendly public spaces.

Personally, I'd suck up a little bit of extra cleaning in return for free babysitting, strengthened immune system for your children and a strong relationship between your children and the extended family. But as I said, it's your home and 100% your choice.

Be honest, be open, put it politley, all reasonable people will understand, NO problem whatsoever. If someone argues or even tries to make a case by saying "we will leave the dog in the hall, other room grade. Say, NO thank you

Please stand up for yourself and the safety of your DC

@Ponderingwindow
Ignore pp
It's shoes off in our house.
Dog pooh dried on pavement
Shoes walk on said pavement
Shoes come into house walks on floor.
Baby crawls on floor.

I don’t understand your response - we take shoes off when we visit and our visitors do at ours. My DF and PIL wouldn’t dream of walking into our living room wearing outdoor shoes.

Yes, tell them but don't be surprised if they say they won't be able to visit you then. I'm being realistic, they may say that. If they do, you then have a dilemma on your hands

Don't be subtle.

Also, don't lie and make up BS like 'my midwife said/my health visitor said'... its irritating and leads to them arguing and picking holes.

'I do not want your dog in my home once the baby is here. He jumps around and sheds hair everywhere causing me stress and more work which I do not need with a newborn baby.'

You don’t have to have a dog in your house, at any point, baby or not. It’s your house, your rules

Shoes in the house are disgusting. We still don’t wear outdoor shoes indoors.

i left out the details in my post because this isn’t a post about shoes, it’s about being direct with the in-laws, but since you decided to get personal

1. we happened to move near in-laws right when we had the baby so it became an issue and
2. in-laws are now old enough that I make an exception to the shoe policy for them because I am more concerned about them falling than shoe removal. They just haven’t noticed that everyone else takes their shoes off without even being asked because it’s just normal, polite behavior for so many.

Being subtle never got anyone anywhere. Tell them you don’t want them bringing the dog round.

Wait til you're near the end of the pregnancy and say how you've had a burst of cleaning and nesting

"The house looks so clean, it's taken me a good while to do but now I'm won't need to do any deep cleaning while the baby is tiny and I'm recovering. I've decided to make life easier now I've got two kids to juggle that I'm making my house a dog free zone."

If they whinge suggest they take turns to come and one stay home with the dog.

I'm a dog lover but I've never known anyone just turn up at someone's house with their dog without asking! I'd never have done it while I had a dog and she was awful for separation anxiety. But that wasn't other people's problem!

be straight and honest, tell that as much as you like the dog it just won't work in the 'new-baby - csection scenario' that you will feel too uncomfortable if the dog is in and around. Leave it at that, you don't need any further reason not to want a pet about if you don't want it. Maybe suggest that if the dog can't be left alone they bring it but have it in the garden? or stays in the car? or they come in one at a time. Ultimately your house your rules

I don’t think you need to be subtle. You don’t need to be rude or anything, but they do need to be told straight that they can’t bring their dog.

By wanting to be subtle, it’s clear you are scared of offending them. But that’s not right. Sometimes it’s just not convenient to have a dog around, and any dog owner with a good amount of emotional intelligence would get on with it and wouldn’t have a sulk about it.

I do hate this new culture where people feel it appropriate to bring their dogs to other dogless homes, as if they are just an extension of them and it should be accepted. It’s a dog FFS leave it at home and stick some Classic FM on I’m sure it will survive for a couple of hours and if it doesn’t then you haven’t trained it properly

Can't be subtle. We have a parent with a very high energy breed puppy. Very mouthy, still in training for recall etc. Basically can't be trusted at all. We just had to tell them. You're welcome but don't bring dog. While we don't think he'd hurt baby intentionally he has form for knocking people over jumping on them or running into their legs unexpectedly, and jumping on people on chairs because hes so excited and wants to sit on them. Basically he's a danger to baby being held stood up or sat down. It's not intentional, he doesn't know his own size and strength. They understood.

Use the arrival of the new baby to set some new ground rules. We did this. It's a good opportunity to set a boundary like this even if it hasn't been in place before.

Just this ^^
First answer nails it.

You just need to stand up for yourself, OP. If you don't want the dog there, that's that! No need for reasons or discussion, just 'I'm sorry but I've decided I don't want other people's pets in my home. Can you please leave it at home/in the car from now on'. And stick to it. Don't let them in with it.

If you use the baby/c section etc as a reason then they'll soon be pushing for the dog to be let in again.

It's enough to just not want it in your home. If they take offence, that's their problem, not yours.

Both my sons have dogs. We have said that we are a dog free house and we don't want the dogs to visit. They both live close by. We help a lot with grandchildren. Grandchildren hugely welcome. Dogs not. When my second grandson was born we had first grandson ( aged 2) for 3 days. DILs parents had the dog. They prefer dogs, we prefer children.Neither son has a problem with this. We had retrievers when they were growing up. We never, ever took the dogs to other people's houses , cafes, restaurants, into town,shopping. You can't be subtle with people who love their dog. They just don't hear what you're saying. We volunteered at our community shop for years. So many people thought the sign saying 'no dogs allowed' didn't apply to their dog because it wasn't a dog it was their special baby. Not sure special babies lick food and cock their leg on the newspapers.

Be prepared that they may say "oh but, this or that". Then what will you say? I'd say, I understand, but (then repeat your point).

@AngelinaFibres this baby thing about a dog is truly weird.

I think there’s a middle way - direct isn’t blunt. You can say something like ‘I wish I’d raised this with you before, I was trying to be nice and accommodating but I can see now that I need to just be honest and hope you understand. I don’t want the dog coming when the new baby arrives as it means extra work tidying up after.’ I find this stuff hard too but increasingly realise people can’t read your mind, and it’s ok to have your own needs and wishes.

Surely you have heard of the term fur baby. That's when the dog owners situation all went to hell. So many people in our village have dogs instead of children because they don't like children. Fair enough but it's not a child. It's an animal and you can leave it at home