Subtle way to tell family members not to bring dog to my home around newborn

[Camcam]

Hi all,
DGM and DGF have a boisterous lapdog which yaps, jumps up on furniture and tries to chew toys. They take it on daily walks close by a farm so it usually has muddy paws and long hair.

I previously was living with DF (paying board) who is a dog lover so couldn’t make any comment when they used to bring the dog around almost daily. Now I have my own place and feel very irritated when they bring the dog around. I have to go around sterilising ds toys afterwards and cleaning the floors/furniture as it leaves so much hair around. I’ve made some not so subtle hints for them to leave the dog at home but they say she can’t be left alone as she gets anxious.

I’m due in a few weeks and having a c section (single parent) so absolutely do not want the dog. DGM and DGF are wonderful and come over often and will be wanting to visit the new baby. Does anyone have advice on how to tell them the dog isn’t allowed in without miffing them? 😫
Thanks in advance!

Unfortunately it sounds like they are so attached to the dog that they will inevitably be miffed at you saying you don't want the dog to visit. So you have a choice - put up with the dog or tell them not to bring the dog and be prepared for the fact that they will have the hump. Could they leave the dog with your DF while they visit you? Are you prepared for them stopping visiting you if they won't leave the dog?

You need to be as subtle as a house brick.
Some people ignore hints, even if they understand them because sometimes their yappy little fuzzy things are more important.

Just tell them.

I'm going to be really strict on hygiene. When the baby comes and obviously in the weeks leading uo to it. I don't want dog hair in the house with a young baby so please dont bring it im sure yoh understand

Nobody would get past our door with a dog, I don’t care how upset they were. They’d have to leave it in the car.

Ugh, dog hair, slobber and whatever shit they’ve walked in or licked traipsed and spread around your house… just no.

YABU to think "subtle" will work, as you have tried it and it doesn't.

Now I have my own place and feel very irritated when they bring the dog around. I have to go around sterilising ds toys afterwards and cleaning the floors/furniture as it leaves so much hair around.

YWBU to ever let the dog into your home if you didn't want it in there, in the first place - you've made things a lot harder now, than had you just said from the offset "I'm not having any dogs in the house".

YANBU to not want a muddy, untrained dog in your home.

The advice is, tell them now, clearly, that you've made a decision you aren't having dogs in the house whilst you have a small child and a baby. It's nothing personal, but that is the rule from now on. Phone them up and tell them though, don't wait until they are on your doorstep.

Their reaction to your request/actions are not your responsibility to manage.

Your responsibility ends with you and your words/actions.

If they want to be pissed off about it, let them be pissed off.

They should give more of a care about their newborn great grandchild than their pet.

I love dogs but when did this whole taking them everywhere thing start? Mine always stayed at home unless invited.

"Really looking forward to seeing you in a few days/weeks/whatever. Sorry we won't be able to see Fido (for obvious reasons) but give him a treat and a belly rub from me! Looking forward to introducing Timmy to him when he's a bit older. See you soon!"

It's very clear what the expectation is, but you're not laying down the law. If they're generally respectful (?) that will do - even if they are a bit surprised!

Just tell them. I recently had a baby and I have a dog if my own who likes to race around with visiting dogs. I just said “I’d love you to come and meet the baby but I much as you know I love Fido, I can’t manage them visiting right now, sorry”. No one complained.

Personally, I'd suck up a little bit of extra cleaning in return for free babysitting, strengthened immune system for your children and a strong relationship between your children and the extended family. But as I said, it's your home and 100% your choice.

^^ All of this.

If not having the dog there means more to you than retaining a source of helpful and free childcare then just tell them they can't bring their dog.

@Hedgerow2 so glad someone else mentioned the free babysitting, I thought I was going mad for a while.

Yes it's somewhat rude to bring your dog everywhere, but if you're providing free childcare and need to leave your home to do so, then it may be a necessity.

"Please don't bring you fecking dog to my house" is about all you need
Subtlety sometimes need to take the form of a brick

Where do they leave the dog when they have to go out without it? My dm won’t leave hers so I look after it when she goes out.
just asking as this will come up, so if you know what they do at other times you can suggest it. Or just one parent will have to come.

What happens if you tell them and they still turn up with the dog?
Be prepared for this as they might feel if they're providing free childcare they don't want to pay for a dog sitter of it can't be left alone.

I don't agree with free childcare provision means they can bring their dog though.

It should be a mutual agreement, people leave dogs at home to go to work. So if it can't be left, they shouldn't offer to help.

Just means you'll have to look elsewhere for help.

You can’t be subtle with a dog owner.
You need to be polite, clear, direct and very unambiguous.
You may have to repeat yourself a number of times.

You can’t be subtle on this one op- direct is definitely best. “Don’t bring the dog with you when you come visit baby- thanks” your baby, your rules! Why anyone would think that is ok to bring a dog in the first place is baffling!

Oh for goodness sake - what a ridiculous generalisation 🙄

I'm a dog owner and am very alert to how other people feel about my dogs. I would never take them anywhere without first asking if it's okay.

@Hedgerow2
Then as a dog owner, perhaps you are less aware of just how oblivious most of them are to subtle gestures of distaste and wanting distance.
i did say polite, rather than yelling fuck off as the dog licks, humps,, food steals, jumps up, barks and flails around in people’s personal space.
Like many parents of young children just not understanding how others might not want close interaction.
Polite and unambiguous refusal, and yet you object to my generalisation?

Thanks all for your replies and apologies for the late reply. I’ll definitely have a chat next time I see them. Regarding the babysitting, it’s extremely kind of them but not a regular occurrence (3 times over the last few months due to me being sent for urgent last minute scans as dc was not allowed to attend). I took ds to there’s before the appointments except one where they came to mine. I am very grateful for their help though.
Thanks again for all your input 😊

It’s your home and regardless of having a baby, you are prefectly entitled to say ‘love to see you, but this is a dogfree zone’. You don’t need to justify it.

I’m a dog owner and would never assume my pets are welcome in another person’s home - they are never taken with me on visits unless someone expressly invites them (usually because they have places to walk them and have dogs of their own).

I have a dog, love dogs but you just say “please don’t bring the dog anymore.”

I wouldn’t want anyone else’s dog in my home. I wash my dogs feet and he’s very well behaved. If my MIL brings her dog aka bitey bastard- she stays outside.

😆 oh get over yourself lol

Stridor can be lethal, my daughter ended up ventilated due to it. Please do not lie about a babys health, dont tempt fate!

Just say when I come out of hospital with my new baby I'll have had a C section, major abdominal surgery and I won't feel well enough to go around sterilising DC toys, vacuuming dog fur and washing carpets each time you bring your dog over so as it's too anxious to stay home it will have to be in the garden or tied up outside the door if you have no garden. Just smile when you say it. Get your DH to say it if you don't feel able.

Just be honest and tell then 2 kids and a dog is too much chaos for you.

I have 2 dogs and i wouldnt take them to a house with kids because most kids arent trained to be gentle 😂

Im sure they wont mind and if the dog cant be left for whatever reason, just say you will go to them when you feel up to it instead.