Would this annoy you? Friend never wishing DH a happy birthday?

[Antiguadreams]

Not sure if I’m being uncharacteristically sensitive this morning, but it’s just dawned on me that over the past 12 years my closest friend (met when we were 11, best friends since) has never wished my husband a happy birthday.

It only dawned on me as I was spending a bit of time looking into what to get for her DH last night for his birthday coming up in a few weeks, as he is going through a ‘funky sock phase’ and I wanted to get something funny.

DH and I have been married for 8 years, dating for 12, she met her now DH around the same time (both met our spouses at uni) and we were close enough as a 4, now as a 6 (since both having our first children last year) as we meet up monthly for meals, BBQs in the summer, spend more time together now with the little ones too, but they’ve never sent him a card for his birthday, no FB message, no text, and definitely no gifts.

We are big gifters in general and get a lot of pleasure trying to find something nice for people so have always put a lot of thought into his birthday, over the past 12 years we’ve had hard times but even when money was tight I’d still get him one of those funny IPA beers at Tesco (with the weird names) and write a joke on the tag that tied in to the beers name, or just a nice card etc.

Before I get more and more annoyed by this now I’ve clocked it, would this piss you off? Am I being unreasonable to think this is a bit shitty? (And to cover off the expected question, no money is not tight for them, nor is it for us at present so it’s not a financial issue either side)

It’s odd as every other couple we are friends with we always make an effort equally, as in both parties get a card at least, as that’s just basic friendship right?

Wrong. I'd say that was very unusual.

I have friends I've known for 50 years, and I haven't a clue when most of their partners birthdays are.
In fact, quite a lot of friends I don't remember when their birthdays are.

If a friend invites me to a party for a big birthday, then obviously I would take a card and present (or charity donation or whatever they prefer), but other than that 'once in 10 year' occasion, I can't hold in my head when all my friends' birthdays are.

It seems (at this point in the thread) that 90% of people voting agree that YABU.

I am surprised it's taken you this many years to notice their idea of the amount of fuss needed to be made over a birthday is different from yours.

People who call people who do things differently ‘a bit shit’ are more than likely shitty friends who should be avoided.

I’m not surprised your friend ignores you.

Probably because most adults have more important things to worry about and dont base their friendships on getting attention on their birthdays. I personally think its childish adults making a fuss over their birthdays

That’s really sad

I am now understanding why so many MNers struggle with adult friendships and relationships.

What an odd leap for you to make.

I don't struggle with adult friendships or relationships in anyway.

At the same time, I don't keep a list of when anyone's birthday is other than family and my Godchildren.

Have you got kids as clearly you have too much time on your hands to be worrying about this stuff?
Most people don’t have the time nor the energy to be remembering other people’s husbands birthday. I don’t even know my family members birthday unless it’s my husband and kids and mum and brother. Not everyone cares about this when they are busy with their own lives